9 days after the funeral. Funeral: essence, rules, mournful words about death

A wake is an important ritual for all people, regardless of religion. In Orthodoxy, it is customary to remember the deceased on the day of the funeral, as well as on the ninth and fortieth days. The countdown starts from the day of death. Even if a person died closer to midnight, they still count from that day.

For example, the day of death falls on the fifth of April, then the nine-day commemoration will take place on the thirteenth of April, and the forty-day commemoration will take place on the fourteenth of May. Be sure to do them every day.

The question arises: why nine days? According to the number of angels who ask the Lord God to forgive the deceased his sins. In Orthodoxy it is believed that the first two days after death the soul is separated from the body. Together with the angels, she walks the earth, visiting close people and places dear to her. On the third day, relief comes, which is given by the angel, since the psalter is read all three days, and everyone prays for the soul of the deceased.

The soul ascends to the Lord for worship. Then, until the ninth day, the angels show the beauties of paradise. On the ninth day the soul again ascends to the Lord for worship. Then she is sent to hell, where she remains until the fortieth day. It is also believed that during this period all the good deeds and all the sins that the deceased committed during his lifetime are remembered. Relatives and friends pray for the soul to withstand all trials and for the forgiveness of sins.

On this day, relatives should visit the temple, order a service, light candles and pray. Candles are placed on a special memorial table - eve. It stands on the north side, near the crucifixion of Christ. It is important to remember that candles are not lit for repose on Holy Week.

On the memorial day, you can order a memorial service, prayer service or lithium. It is necessary to go to the cemetery, remember the person and lay flowers. Under no circumstances should you have a meal in a cemetery, much less drink alcoholic beverages. All family and friends should know that no one is invited to the wake. Those who remember come, who want to pray for the deceased on this day.

Kutya must be placed on the table. This funeral dish is a porridge made from wheat, barley or rice, with the addition of honey, raisins, and nuts. Kutya, if desired, can be consecrated in the temple.

Many people, when organizing a funeral, are only concerned with the amount of food so that everyone is full. You should not place any culinary delights on the table. Dishes should be easy to prepare. First, second, no appetizers or salads. Drinks are required, but not alcohol. Baked goods and sweets are allowed.

You must behave modestly; laughter, jokes, songs and any fun are excluded. Do not forget that family members are in mourning. You cannot speak badly about the deceased, or talk about personal topics.

The meal begins with prayer. It is advisable that everyone pray for the deceased, otherwise there is no point in coming. People do not go to a wake to eat or discuss the latest worldly news: one should respect the grief of relatives.

Appearance

There are certain requirements for appearance. Men come in strict dark suits, with their heads uncovered. Women in modest dresses, headscarves. At the table you can talk about the deceased, about his past successes and merits, and remember pleasant moments. A calm, peaceful atmosphere in the house will have a beneficial effect on everyone present.

People don't always have the opportunity to organize a funeral. In this case, you can simply treat your neighbors, friends, employees at work, and children. To do this, just bake a cake or cookies, buy candy and other sweets. This way you can remember the deceased on any day.

During Lent, commemorations are moved to the weekend. If you want to bring flowers, you should leave them at the grave.

On memorial day, it is important to give alms to people in need. At the end of the meal, the remaining food must be distributed. It is strictly forbidden to throw away food. It is advisable to remember this during the cooking process.

The ninth day of remembrance is not a formal event. According to Orthodox canons, it is prayers on memorial days that help the soul find eternal peace. Everyone who goes to a funeral should remember this.

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Funeral 40 days: 7 rules that must be followed when organizing, 10 dishes that can be prepared, 6 prayers that are read for 9 and 40 days, 7 memorial dates in Christianity.

People who do not believe in an afterlife consider death to be the final chord of human existence. Like, he died - and that’s it, nothing was left of him except his grave. And about the immortal soul - this is all nonsense. But even among inveterate atheists, rarely does anyone decide to break funeral traditions.

40 days of commemoration is an opportunity to remember the deceased, drink a glass for the repose of his soul, light a candle in the church, and gather with relatives.

But this date is far from the only one that needs to be dedicated to the deceased.

People say that a person is alive as long as the memory of him is alive.

In the first year, the deceased is remembered quite often not only by grief-stricken loved ones, but also by everyone who takes part in the wake.

Funeral rites are mandatory for Orthodox Christians. They are carried out according to specific rules that you need to know in order to provide peace and grace to the soul of your loved one.

Conventionally, any commemoration can be divided into 2 parts:

1. Church. This includes a memorial service ordered by relatives in the church and a series of prayers read by those close to the deceased. Unchurched people are afraid of making a mistake, ordering something wrong, doing something wrong. Don’t worry, because any temple will tell you the right decision.
2. Gastronomic. That is, exactly what we mean when we say the word “commemoration”: a dinner to which people from the close circle of the deceased are invited so that they remember his soul.

Another important point is visiting the cemetery. At a wake, you go “to visit” the deceased in order to:

• demonstrate to him that you have not forgotten about him;
• tidy up the grave;
• bring fresh flowers;
• put a treat for the poor, who will eat it with gratitude for the remembrance of the soul.

In the first year there are quite a lot of funerals:

1. After the burial. It is on the day of the funeral that the first memorial dinner is held, to which everyone who paid their last respects to the deceased in the cemetery is usually invited.
2. Breakfast. On the morning after the burial, the family goes to the graveyard to take breakfast to the “deceased” and remember him near the grave. No one except the closest relatives is invited to this action.
3. 3 days. This date is important specifically for the family of the deceased. The main stages of the commemoration: visiting the burial and family dinner.
4. 9 days. It is believed that for up to 9 days the human soul lives in the “booths of paradise”, but not yet in heaven. Funeral services are held precisely on the ninth day, because that is how many “angelic ranks” there are.
5. 40 days. According to Christian canons, it was on the 40th day that Jesus Christ ascended to heaven - which is why the date is so important for Christians. Funeral services for the “fortieth birthday” are a prerequisite.
6. Six months. The date of the funeral is not considered mandatory, and therefore is missed by many. If you want to remember your loved one on this day, visit the cemetery, order a memorial service in the church and sit modestly with your family, remembering the good things about the deceased.
7. 1 year. The last major memorial number. On this day, they not only order a memorial prayer service, but also organize a large dinner in honor of the deceased. Ideally, you should invite everyone who was at the funeral, but if finances do not allow, then you can get by with a smaller number of “guests.”

After a year has passed from the date of death, you can remember your loved one whenever you want (for example, on the day of his birth and death, on other dates that are important to you), ordering memorial services and handing out candy for the repose of the soul. There is no longer any need to organize large feasts.

The most important memorial dates, in addition to the funeral date and 1 year, are the 9th and 40th days. We’ll talk about them in more detail later, because many traditions have been forgotten.

9 days: funeral according to the rules

This is the first of three important memorial dates. There are certain rules and traditions that must be followed.

What does the soul expect from the wake on the 9th day?

According to church dogmas, exactly 9 days are given to a person after death to complete his earthly journey, say goodbye to family and friends whom he had to leave behind and prepare to meet the Lord.

9 is a sacred number in Christianity, because that is how many ranks of angels exist. It is the angels who must bring the spirit of the deceased on the 9th day after death to the Judgment of the Lord, so that her fate is decided: to remain in heaven or go down to hell if her sins are too serious.

But the verdict has not yet been pronounced, and from the 9th to the 40th day the soul will face ordeal. That is why relatives should be especially careful during this period, so as not to aggravate the sins of the deceased with their rash actions. And it’s not just about the proper organization of the funeral.

Of course, you will grieve for your loved one, but it is important that your grief is not so inconsolable that your soul cannot leave this world at all.

Funeral for 9 days according to church canons

Relatives are required to express their grief for the deceased not with endless tears, but with prayers and good deeds.

Required on the day of the funeral:

1. Book a memorial service at the church.
2. Hold a service on this day to pray in church for the deceased and light a candle that will light the way for him during the days of ordeal.
3. Give sweets and money to the poor.

You can make a donation on behalf of the deceased to those in need: to an orphanage or nursing home, hospital, shelter for the homeless, etc.

Be sure to visit the grave on the 9th day to remove dried flowers from the day of the funeral, light a candle, and pray for the soul of the deceased.

If possible, order a litiya - the priest will come and pray at the burial for your loved one. But it is also permissible to read the prayers yourself at the wake.

In addition to the traditional “Our Father,” you can read the following prayers:

God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world! Himself, Lord, give rest to the souls of your departed servants: your most holy patriarchs, your eminence metropolitans, archbishops and bishops, who served you in the priestly, ecclesiastical and monastic ranks; the creators of this holy temple, the Orthodox forefathers, fathers, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors who laid down their lives for the faith and fatherland, the faithful, who were killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen to death, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of the suicidal, those for whom we were commanded and asked to pray, for whom there is no one to pray and the faithful, Christian burials deprived of (the name of the rivers) in a bright place, in a green place, in a place of peace, from where illness, sadness and sighing can escape.

Every sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, as a good Lover of mankind, God forgives, as if there is no man who will live and not sin. For You are the only one besides sin, Your righteousness is truth forever, and Your word is truth. For You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Repose of Your departed servants (the name of the rivers), Christ our God, and to You we send glory with Your beginningless Father, and Your Most Holy, and Good, and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

Remember that in prayer it is not so much the words themselves that are important, but sincerity.

40 days of commemoration: everything you need to know about this date

This is the second important date in the tradition of Christian remembrance, which in no case should be ignored if you care about the deceased being well in the next world.

What happens to the soul on the 40th day and does it need a wake?

It is on the 40th day that the soul must hear God’s verdict on where it will be located next: in Heaven or Hell.

It is believed that it is after this time that the soul is completely detached from the body and realizes that it is dead.

The 40th day is the last period when the spirit visits its native places to say goodbye to worldly life, things close and dear to the heart.

Relatives and friends should under no circumstances sob and lament heavily on the day of the funeral, so as not to increase the suffering of an already fragile soul, not to tie it forever to the earth, where it would forever wander between the worlds of the living and the dead.

You can often hear stories that it was on the 40th day that the deceased appeared to his relatives in a dream to say goodbye.

And after this period, you should stop feeling his presence nearby. If this did not happen, then somewhere at the wake you made a mistake, did something to tie the soul of the deceased to the earth.

Consult a priest on how to correct the situation.

Church rules for commemoration for 40 days

The deceased himself is no longer able to change anything, is not able to correct any of the mistakes made during life. But his loved ones can facilitate the transition of a loved one to Paradise with the help of a worthy wake on the 40th day.

Order a magpie from the church and give a donation to the temple. Be sure to pray yourself (in church or at home) in your own words or with the texts of special prayers:

Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven. Amen.

It would not be a bad idea to renounce some of your sins on the 40th day, for example, drunkenness or adultery, in order to make it easier for the dead to pass to heaven, or to make a monetary donation to some charitable foundation.

On the 40th day, in addition to the funeral at home or in some institution, visit the cemetery to:

• carry flowers;
• light a candle;
• give a treat to the poor (if you don’t meet anyone, place a treat on the grave);
  pray;
• say goodbye for the last time - because soon the soul will finally leave the earth.

Funeral for the deceased

Funeral dinner on the 9th and 40th days

An important part of the memorial day is lunch. It is significant, first of all, for the living, because for the dead, church commemoration and the sincere grief of loved ones are more important.

Remember that neither on the 9th nor on the 40th day are invitations to the funeral sent out. Those who remember the deceased come and want to honor him with their attention. Therefore, commemoration usually takes place in a narrow circle of friends and relatives.

Here are a number of rules that must be followed when organizing funerals on the 9th and 40th days:

1. Don't chase the amount of food. Don’t set yourself the goal of impressing the “guests”, showing them that you have money, or feeding those present to your heart’s content. Such pride is a sin from which it is the deceased who will suffer.
2. Look for a post on the calendar. If the wake falls on the 40th or 9th day during a church fast, give up meat - give it up altogether. Several fish dishes are allowed; the rest of the food should be prepared from vegetables in vegetable oil. If the fast is strict, then dairy products should also be excluded. But even if the wake falls during a period free from food restrictions, do not fill the table with meat. Adhere to a policy of moderation when creating your menu.
3. Do not place forks on the funeral table. They symbolize the pitchforks that devils use in hell to torment sinners. The main cutlery is spoons, even for main courses and snacks. To the illiterate who are outraged by the lack of forks at a funeral, you can explain why you do what you do.
4. Begin your meal with the Lord's Prayer. Ask everyone present to pray for a loved one and make the sign of the cross before eating.
5. Speeches in memory of the deceased should be welcomed by relatives. There is no need to force anyone to speak, but you also cannot prevent people from speaking or rush them to finish their speech quickly. Those present gathered not to eat for the week ahead, but then to remember the deceased with a kind word.
6. Prepare the room where the funeral will take place on the 9th and 40th days. Be sure to include a photo of the deceased with a mourning ribbon. Light a candle or lamp near the image and place a bouquet of flowers. A glass of water, covered with a slice of bread, and cutlery are also placed near the photo so that the deceased eats with everyone else.
7. Keep order. If you see someone behaving inappropriately (foul language, laughing, talking loudly), carefully reprimand this uncultured person. If this does not work, ask him to leave, explaining that by his behavior he is increasing your grief. But under no circumstances start scandals at a wake - this is a great sin before people, before God, and before the deceased.

Dishes that can be prepared/ordered for funerals on the 9th and 40th day:

Separately, it is necessary to say about alcohol. The Church does not encourage drunkenness at funerals and believes that you can do without alcohol altogether, but people usually have a different opinion and put wine and/or vodka on the table.

It won’t be a big sin if you add alcohol to the funeral menu, but make sure that those present drink no more than three glasses, otherwise the wake will turn into a banal binge, during which they will forget why they gathered in the first place.

You can control the amount you drink on the 9th and 40th day after the funeral by limiting the number of bottles on the table. Estimate how many people came to the wake and how many bottles of wine/vodka are needed so that everyone drinks only 3 glasses. Hide the excess and do not give in to requests from drunks, such as: “Bring more alcohol. How can one commemorate Mikhalych on dry terms? He’ll be offended!”

40 days - funerals, which are organized only for those closest to you. It is not so much the feast itself that is important, but the church component of the commemoration and the sincerity of your feelings for the deceased.

Every tradition is based not only on the beliefs of people. It is associated with ancient knowledge that has long been forgotten or has come down to us in a truncated form. Nevertheless, it is better to honor traditions, at least out of respect for the memory of our ancestors. This is especially true for customs associated with the 9th day after a person’s death.

In this article

What does this date mean in Orthodoxy?

Orthodoxy pays special attention to the third, ninth and fortieth days from the moment a person departs for another world. Dates have a sacred meaning, so funeral services for the deceased are held on these days. The number 9 belongs to the category of sacred. Nine angelic ranks will intercede with the Almighty for the soul of the deceased.

The ninth day is dedicated to nine angels who will intercede with God for the salvation of the soul of the deceased.

It is believed that on the 9th day after death the soul will first appear before the eyes of God. This is an extremely important moment. It is important that on this day, relatives and friends who remained on Earth are mentally with the deceased and commemorate with prayers and kind words. The further path of the soul depends on how relatives and friends behave.

The Orthodox tradition does not approve when tears are constantly shed for the deceased and they ask: “To whom have you left us?” This behavior speaks, rather, of one’s own selfishness. Endless tears and lamentations do not allow the soul to leave the earth and go to the afterlife. By releasing the soul in peace, relatives and friends, firstly, show humility, and secondly, allow the soul of the deceased to continue its unearthly path.

Of course, this does not mean that you need to suppress your feelings of loss and pain. This is simply impossible. You need to understand that prayers will bring more benefit to the soul of a departed relative than tears.

Meaning for the deceased

You can imagine what feelings the soul experiences when it is brought to the Creator. How exactly this important conversation goes, we are not given to know. Most likely, the nature of the conversation determines the person’s individuality, the number of bad and good deeds, and his sincerity. This meeting can be decisive, since all doubts about the existence of God and the afterlife will go away. A person can experience sincere repentance, which will radically change his fate in another world.

According to Christian beliefs, after meeting the Creator, the soul will face a serious test - it will have to visit the space of hell. This is not done for the purpose of punishment, since the final decision is not made by God.

On the one hand, the deceased will have an introductory tour, where he will see with his own eyes the whole picture: how sinners live in hell, what kind of torment they are subjected to. Passing through different parts of the underworld, a soul burdened with sins can realize the unrighteousness of its earthly life and repent. If at the same time she hears the prayers of loved ones, then the chances of salvation are much greater.

After the ninth day, the soul will have a tour of hell.

On the other hand, the soul itself awaits ordeals - various trials based on temptations. Moreover, temptations are built on the sinful inclinations of the deceased, which he showed in earthly life. A glutton may have a table with various dishes, a greedy person a bag of gold, a lustful person a whole harem of women. If the soul overcomes passions and refuses temptations, it can hope for God's forgiveness on the 40th day.

Perhaps because of the upcoming ordeals, day 9 is so important. Prayers and kind words from family and friends on this day will be powerful support for the one being remembered. It is especially important to forgive the deceased all grievances and ask him for forgiveness. This will greatly ease the soul of the deceased and give him the opportunity to go to heaven.

Where is the soul of the deceased until the 9th day?

Much of the posthumous journey depends on the personality of the deceased and the circumstances of death. Deeply religious people who pass away at an advanced age feel the approach of the last hour and, in principle, are ready for it.

Such a person, having left the corporeal shell, will not waste time. He knows that the first 3 days after death will be spent on earth. Knowing the rules, he will spend the remaining days on earth visiting the people and places with which the best memories of his life are associated. He has time until an angel descends from heaven to take his soul to heaven.

These three days will be much more difficult for those whose lives were cut short as a result of an accident or murder. Such souls, suddenly torn out of life, cannot reconcile themselves and try in every possible way to “correct the mistake.” With a strong will and passionate desire to return life, they can endlessly rush around the world of the living, clinging to the illusion of return. In this case, no angel will be able to reason with such a restless dead man until he realizes his situation and completes his unfinished business. Such a soul turns into a ghost. Fortunately, this is not the rule, but the exception.

From days 3 to 9 the soul resides in heaven.

On the 3rd day, but before the funeral, the guardian angel helps the soul ascend to heaven. For the next six days, the deceased has the opportunity to explore the heavenly heavens. He is allowed to find peace, to take a break from the suffering that fills earthly life. Here they make you feel what divine goodness and eternal peace, devoid of worldly vanity, mean. The soul gains strength to appear before the Creator on the ninth day.

Documentary about the journey of the soul after death:

How to behave in a cemetery

The tradition involves visiting the grave of a deceased relative on the 9th day after death. It's better to go to the cemetery during the day. It is advisable to put the grave in order: remove garbage from the site, straighten the wreaths, put flowers; in the summer, it is better to put them in containers with water so that they last longer.

In calm weather, you can light a candle on the grave, but do not forget to extinguish it when leaving. If the deceased was a deeply religious person during his lifetime, then on the 9th day you can invite a clergyman to the cemetery to conduct a special service over the burial site. Or read the prayer yourself.

Remember that a cemetery is not a place for idle talk. It is better to focus your thoughts on the personality of the departed relative. Remember it on the good side, to yourself or out loud.

It is better to bring flowers to the grave.

You should not take alcoholic drinks to the cemetery, much less leave vodka in a glass right on the grave and pour it onto the burial site. This can harm the soul of the deceased. You can take sweets, candies and pies with you. They are treated to poor people so that they remember the deceased.

Behavior in church

If relatives adhere to Orthodox traditions, they should definitely go to church on the 9th day and perform a funeral service. The order of the ritual is as follows.

1. There is an icon in the church, near which parishioners light candles for the repose. Traditionally this is an image of Jesus crucified. You need to go up to the icon and cross yourself.
2. Relatives light the candles prepared in advance from other candles standing next to the icon. If there are none, you can light a candle from a lamp. But using matches or a lighter for this is prohibited.
3. When the candle lights up, it should be placed next to the icon in a free place. To give stability, you can pre-melt the lower part of the candle.
4. After the candle for repose is lit, you must turn to the Almighty and ask him to give peace to the soul of the deceased. In this case, you must say the full name of the person for whom you are praying.
5. Then you should cross yourself, bow to the icon and calmly move away from the table.

As a rule, candles for the repose are placed on a special table in the left half of the temple. This table has a rectangular shape, and the round ones are intended for candles for health.

Repose candles are placed next to the crucifix.

Lighted candles are a symbol of common prayer for the soul of a person who has left this world. They strengthen collective prayer, as if illuminating the path for the soul in the afterlife. It is believed that the more people ask God to forgive the deceased’s sins, the greater the chance of the soul to end up in heaven.

Prayer can be addressed to the Almighty, to the angels, and to the saints.

Tradition of the wake

The wake should not be perceived as an ordinary formal ritual. Relatives and friends of the deceased gather for a memorial dinner to remember the good deeds of the deceased, the virtues and the best events of his life. It is believed that the bright memory of the deceased will ease the ordeal after the 9th day.

It is not customary to invite guests to devotina, so the wake is uninvited. Anyone can come if they want to remember the deceased. The presence of the closest relatives is considered mandatory.

According to the traditions of Orthodoxy

Our Father, who art in heaven!

Hallowed be Thy name,

may your kingdom come,

Thy will be done

as in heaven and on earth.

Give us this day our daily bread;

and forgive us our debts,

just as we also leave our debtors;

and do not lead us into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Some say it out loud, some to themselves. This is a personal choice for each guest. If you do not know the prayer by heart, then it is more convenient to simply repeat it after those who pray out loud. It is better to say the prayer while standing, out of respect for the deceased.

How to properly set the table

There must be one obligatory element at the funeral table. We are talking about a traditional dish called kutia. For funerals, it is usually prepared from rice, honey and raisins. Sometimes sugar or jam is added instead of honey. A stricter tradition recommends using boiled wheat.

Many people perceive it as a simple delicacy. This is a superficial view, since kutia is a symbolic sacred dish. The grains mean the seeds of new life, the resurrection from the dead. Sweet components indicate the bliss of the soul in the afterlife. It is advisable that this traditional dish be blessed by the priest, but if this is not possible, then you should take holy water from the temple and sprinkle it on the kutya.

Kutia is a mandatory dish at a funeral meal.

In addition to kutya, jelly or compote, as well as sweet pies, should be present on the table. However, they put pies with cabbage and fish on the table. The first dish is usually borscht.

Orthodox funerals have one important restriction, which is often violated. This is a ban on alcohol, because priests consider drunkenness a sin. Therefore, a believer will not drink alcohol at a wake, knowing that this will harm the soul of the deceased. For the same reason, you should not bring alcohol to the grave and drink it there.

Another sin that is best avoided at a funeral meal is gluttony. Therefore, the church advises against holding lavish dinners in memory of the deceased. Dishes should be simple; delicacies are inappropriate here. Since it is possible to attend a wake without an invitation, it is very difficult to calculate the number of guests. After the funeral dinner, food remains, they should be given to the poor and asked to remember the deceased. Throwing away food after a funeral is a sin.

Rules of conduct during a funeral dinner

In a funeral meal, it is not the fact of eating that is important, but the atmosphere. People come to honor the memory of the deceased and support relatives in difficult days of loss. We must remember that this is a mourning event. Therefore, frivolous fun and loud laughter should not be allowed at the table. Collective singing is even more inappropriate.

The ancient Romans said: “The dead are either good or nothing.” This wisdom must be kept in mind during the wake. Criticizing the deceased, discussing bad deeds, negative character traits is inappropriate and ugly.

This is due to the belief that on the 40th day in heaven a decision will be made on where to send the soul of the deceased: to heaven or hell. Any negative assessments, condemnation and criticism can be decisive in sentencing.

What do the relatives of the deceased do?

On the day when the soul appears before the Creator, family and friends must make every effort to help the deceased earn heaven. It is believed that on the 9th day after death, angels intercede for the soul. But the prayers of living people are also of great importance.

Of course, if you treat funeral customs formally, then this will be of little use. The prayer for the salvation of the soul must be sincere, then it acquires true power.

Lord Jesus, accept the soul of your servant (name of the deceased), forgive him all his sins, small and large, and accept him into heaven. How he suffered in his life, how tired he was of suffering and sorrow on this earth, so now let him rest in peace and sleep eternal sleep. Protect him from the fire of hell, do not allow him to fall to the demons and to the devil to be torn to pieces. In the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

It is advisable that on this day relatives visit the temple and hold a prayer service for the repose. But if this is not possible, then they turn to God at home, and also light candles in memory of the deceased.

During nine days, relatives should focus on the bright qualities of the person who has left the world. You need to sincerely ask him for forgiveness and forgive him. It is necessary to remember the deceased only from the good side.

It is advisable to light a candle or lamp in the house and at the grave. It is better to install it in front of a photograph framed with black mourning ribbon. You can place a glass of water and bread in front of the portrait.

On the 9th day after death, it is allowed to remove the covers from the mirrors. Only the mirror in the bedroom of the deceased should be left covered.

How is the 9th day after death counted?

The first is the day the person passed away. It doesn’t matter exactly when it happened: in the morning, in the evening or at night. The calendar day lasts from 0 o'clock to 23:59. On this day next year the anniversary of the death is celebrated.

If a person left this world on February 1, then the ninth day will be February 9. The mathematical difference is not 9, but 8 days (9 - 1 = 8). That is, when calculating, you need to add the number 8. Let's say the day of death was March 17, then nineties will be March 25.

The date of the funeral does not affect the calculation in any way. A person was buried on the third or fifth day; the funeral ninth day is not postponed. It is counted solely by the date when the soul left the physical body.

There is one special case when memorial rites associated with destinies are postponed. We are talking about the period of Lent. The church recommends not holding funeral services on weekdays, but moving them to the next Saturday. A priest from an existing church can tell you more precisely about holding funeral services during Lent.

Does the type of clothing matter?

Mourning traditions require clothing requirements. The classic color is black. This is not necessary, but clothing must be formal. Bright, frivolous outfits are inappropriate here.

Men must remove their hats when they enter the room where the funeral ritual is taking place.

In this video, the priest talks in detail about Orthodox traditions related to death.

Conclusion

Any person on Earth sooner or later loses family and friends. And everyone wants the soul of the deceased to go to a better world. Of course, we are not given the opportunity to decide someone’s fate in the afterlife. This is God's prerogative. However, Higher powers take into account our behavior within 40 days from the moment of death. Therefore, it is important to know funeral and memorial traditions so as not to harm the soul of a loved one who has passed away.

A little about the author:

For Orthodox Christians, commemoration of the dead occurs on the ninth and fortieth days after death. Why?

The clergy answer this question in detail. According to church canons, the time from the moment of repose directly to the ninth is called the design of the “body of eternity.” During this period, the deceased is taken to “special places” in heaven. And in the world of the living, relatives and clergy conduct various funeral ceremonies.

What happens in the first 9 days after death?

In these very first 9 days after death the deceased can observe the people around them, see and hear them. Thus, the soul forever says goodbye to life in this world, to life on earth, gradually losing these opportunities and thereby moving away from the world of the living. Therefore, it is no coincidence that memorial services are ordered on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days. These days represent special milestones that every soul passes when leaving our world.

After the nine-day mark, the soul goes to hell in order to see the torment of unrepentant sinners. As a rule, the soul does not yet know what kind of fate is in store for it, and the terrible torment that will appear before its eyes will have to shake it and make it fear its fate. But not every soul is given such a chance. Some go straight to hell without worshiping God, which occurs on the third day. These souls delayed the ordeal.

Ordeals are posts where souls are detained by demons, or they are also called the princes of ordeals. There are twenty such posts. Demons gather at each one and expose the soul to all the sins it has committed. At the same time, the soul does not remain completely defenseless.

Guardian angels are always nearby in these difficult moments.
The Guardian Angel represents to the demons the good deeds of the soul that are opposite to sins. For example, generous assistance can be pitted against accusations of greed. Blessed Theodora, whose authority deserves attention, testifies that most often people get stuck in ordeals because of adultery. Because this topic is so personal and shameful, people are often sensitive about having to talk about it in confession.

And this sin remains hidden, thereby erasing the entire confession. Therefore, demons win the war for their lives. No matter what actions you have committed, no matter how ashamed you are of them (this also applies to your intimate life), you must fully confess to the priest, otherwise the entire confession will not be counted.

If the soul does not go through all the ordeals, demons take it straight to hell. There she remains until the Last Judgment. Relatives and friends of the deceased can soften the fate of his soul with prayers, so it is better to order a commemoration in the church.

Then she is shown all the beauties of paradise, in comparison with which earthly joys simply fade. The happiness that becomes available to a person in heaven is incomparable to anything. That's what the saints say.

Pure and beautiful nature, as it was before the fall of man, the fulfillment of all desires, righteous people who are all together, everything you can dream of - this is paradise. In hell there is none of this and all people are alone.

On the ninth day, the soul is brought down to hell as a spectator.

Having been in paradise and seen the righteous there, a person realizes that he deserves hell more than heaven because of his sins, so the soul awaits with great trepidation the period of 9 days after death. Prayer is very important here, with which loved ones help the soul. It is important to acquire a close connection with the soul of the deceased so that the verdict is rendered in favor of the Holy Place. You should order a service in the church so that your loved one has support from you.

Also at this time, you can think about how to arrange the burial site, for example.

9 days after death - commemoration of loved ones

The first 9 days after death are very difficult for the soul of the deceased person, so help your loved ones, order a memorial in the church, and you will feel better and calmer for your loved one and the soul of the deceased will be calm and peaceful. Not only church prayer is important, but also your personal one. Ask your father for help. He will help you master the special rules for reading the Psalter.

The custom of remembering loved ones at meals has been known since ancient times. Often, a wake is an occasion for relatives to get together, eat deliciously, and discuss business. In fact, people gather at the funeral table for a reason. Orthodox Christians should pray for those loved ones who have left the earthly world. Before starting a meal, it is necessary to perform a lithium without fail. This is a small rite of requiem, it can be performed by a layman. You can read Psalm 90 and Our Father.

Kutia is the first dish, which is actually eaten at the funeral. It is usually prepared from boiled wheat or rice grains with honey and raisins. The grain is a symbol of resurrection, and honey is the sweetness that the righteous enjoy in paradise. Kutya should be consecrated during the funeral service with a special rite; if this is not possible, it should be sprinkled with holy water.

The desire of the owners to provide everyone who came to the funeral with a tasty treat is understandable, but it does not exempt them from observing the fasts established by the Church. On Wednesday, Friday and, accordingly, during long fasts, eat only permitted food. If during Lent a funeral service falls on a weekday, it should be moved to Saturday or Sunday.

The pagan custom of drinking at graves has nothing in common with Orthodox customs. Every Christian knows that what brings joy to our deceased loved ones is prayer for them and the piety we bring, and not the amount of alcohol we drink.
At home, during the memorial meal, after the funeral service, a small glass of wine is allowed, which will be accompanied by a kind word addressed to the deceased. Do not forget that this is a completely optional thing at a wake. But other alcohol should be avoided altogether, as it will distract from the wake itself.

In Orthodoxy, the first to be seated at the funeral table are the poor and the poor, old women and children. You can also distribute the deceased's belongings and clothes. You can hear many stories about cases when relatives' alms helped the deceased, and received confirmation of this from the afterlife. Therefore, you can help the deceased by giving your savings to alms in order to benefit the soul in the afterlife.

The loss of a loved one can change your worldview, help you gain the desire to become a true Orthodox Christian, and take your very first step on the path to God. Start now to cleanse your soul, to confess, so that in the afterlife good deeds will prevail over sins.

Recently, on our portal, we have increasingly begun to read about memorial traditions, and articles about the commemoration on the 40th day have already been read by more than one hundred thousand people, so we could not ignore the memorial rites and beliefs of the ninth day of the commemoration, especially all these dates and traditions are quite strongly interconnected.

Why are funerals held for 9 days?

Accordingly, it was these dates that gradually passed from the pagan rites of remembrance, called “funeral funerals,” into the Christian tradition without much change, and many people have already forgotten what exactly they meant and mean.

Although, naturally, this day also has its own religious, and not just calendar, justification. It is believed that the memorial feast of the ninth day should be dedicated to the nine “ranks of angels,” that is, the angels, who in turn should ask God for mercy and leniency over the sinful soul.

What does the soul of the deceased do on the ninth day?

The fact is that on the third day (the day of the funeral), the soul of the deceased must go to the angels, who will take it to heaven and show it the heavenly beauty of the afterlife. And they show it all 6 days, until the most important 9th day comes. The day when the soul appears before the Almighty, accompanied by angels. And in order to give her confidence and make it as easy as possible to go through this process, a wake is held.

It is further believed that from the 9th to the fortieth day the soul must wander through “ordeals” (various obstacles in the form of sins, through which the soul must pass, accompanied by two angels, where a person’s good deeds must outweigh the evil ones) and then, having passed all the tests, the soul appears again before God, already for the final “verdict”.

Funeral rite for the 9th day (nine)

Christians most often reduce this memorial rite to 9 days, which is sometimes called "nine" to a funeral dinner in honor of the deceased. And most often, everyone is not invited to the nine days of commemoration, but only the closest friends and relatives are present.

Naturally, this is not just a dinner, but a whole ritual, the purpose of which is to gather people who knew the deceased and remember his good deeds, thereby paying tribute and helping to accompany his immortal soul to another world with these “good memories” and their prayers.

Also on the ninth day, you can visit the grave of the deceased again, put things in order, tidy up, straighten the flowers, and say goodbye, releasing and even possibly “directing” his soul to God.

Sometimes on the ninth day they distribute various treats and alms in a cemetery or in a church, asking that the deceased be remembered for this. In fact, earlier funerals as treats were held mainly for the poor, and not for one’s family or simply to feed hungry relatives.

After all, the prayer of people who need food and who are very close to God is worth a lot. And if relatives simply come to your house for dinner, eat and go home, then this, on the contrary, will not mean at all that they remembered the deceased.

By the way, the church, on the contrary, believes that the richer the food on the funeral table, the more it distracts those gathered from the necessary thoughts, so it is better to make funeral meals not from incredible delicacies, but from simple food, which precisely gives the appropriate “needed mood.”

And the money saved can be given away in charity. And naturally, the fact that you invited everyone, spent a lot of money, cooked food all day, also cannot replace prayers and kind words.

Should I go to church on the 9th day after death?

Therefore, at the wake on the ninth day from the day of death, you can go to church to pray. The most powerful prayer on all memorial days is considered to be prayer in observance of church sacraments. That is, ideally you should confess and receive communion before praying for the deceased.

It is difficult to imagine a more powerful prayer, because after reconciliation with God and the remission of our personal sins, we become closer to God than ever. It is believed that this kind of prayer can help the soul the most and bring it maximum joy.

You can also order a church memorial service or light candles and pray yourself, sometimes they just do it at home with their family or even invite a priest to their home.

How to conduct a wake on the ninth day

Well, the most important thing is that, as on all memorial days, on the ninth day you should not be sad, suffer and be in a depressed state of mind.

Moreover, grief and sadness are one of the mortal sins and a complete denial of the Christian faith, because the soul of the deceased is sent to a “better world” and must be taken on its “last journey” with a pure heart, good mood and a smile. At a minimum, so that the soul of the deceased itself does not suffer due to the fact that close and beloved people suffer because of it.

It is natural to rejoice too much and hold all sorts of unusual entertainment events, fairs and competitions on this occasion, or get drunk, as the pagan Slavs did in their rituals. According to representatives of Christianity and the church, it is also not worth it, but grief is also inappropriate.

Funeral mood, clothing and good deeds

Here it is rather necessary to maintain a golden mean, showing at the same time respect for the soul, letting it go in peace, and not starting lavish parties for yourself. After all, the main point of a wake for 9 days, and for any other date, is not a party with drinking and gluttony, but a prayerful remembrance.

Moreover, many priests believe that in honor of this day, it is better for relatives to abstain from any sin for at least 40 days. Do it, as they say. A good deed for the benefit of the soul of the one walking, for example, stop drinking or smoking and the like. Then such an act can be counted as prayer.

Better yet, even stop watching TV, because it will definitely distract you from the desired prayerful mood. And also, do not wear too lush, bright and beautiful outfits, which will also take you out of this “correct state” of spiritual connection with the deceased.

It is also natural that at a wake you cannot remember the deceased with “unflattering words”; moreover, according to the ritual at the funeral table, you should not even begin to communicate on abstract and everyday topics. After all, this day is dedicated to seeing off the soul of this person, and you should not be distracted by various “worldly discussions”, forgetting about the most important thing, about why everyone has gathered.