Where do you sit and where? Does the question about the two chairs have any deep meaning, or is it just a prison riddle?
Many young men indulge in sodomy, lining up in a row, one after the other. Each one pleases the one in front, while he himself is pleased by the one standing behind. The question is, which of them is happier than the others?
There are two chairs. On one the peaks are chiseled, on the second the dicks are jerked off. Which one will you sit on? Which mother will you sit on? I'll take the sharpened peaks, cut off the jerked dicks.
You fell into a hole. There's a pie and a dick in the pit. What will you eat, what will you shove up your ass? I'll take the pie and crawl out of the hole.
The prisoner sits on the shkanar, they open the feeder and give gruel and dry bread, in the morning they open the robot and see bones. Question: where do the bones come from if the prisoner is alive? dice
There were two old men, one was fucked before lunch, and the other after lunch, who was worse? Who already has worse old people's problems
They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do? Give me a pass
You are riding a train, chained to the levers, and you can turn left or right, since there is a fork ahead. Here on one road there is a pillar and your mother is chained to it, but on the second there are your kents, about 10 people. Who will go where? Today kent, tomorrow cop
A fork in the eye or in the ass? I don't see any one-eyed people here
You're flying on a parachute, there's a sea of shit on the left, a forest of dicks on the right. Where are you planning to go? In every forest there is a clearing, in every sea there is an island.
Go into the hut, they throw a broom at you with the words “Play something on the guitar.” Your actions? Shove him with his foot and say, “Are you in the mood?”
Will you fuck me or sell your mother? Ass is not for sale, mother is not for sale.
They show the domino tile "six-five". What will you choose? line between 5 and 6
They break the bottle and say “sew it up.” You have to answer inside out.
Play the battery like a boyan. Fan the furs
People come to the market every day and every time buy 3 (three) sticks, no more, no less. One day the salesman got interested and asked: Why do you always buy 3 (three) stickers? He (seller) received the answer: 1 (one) one sticky cake I will lend. I’ll pay off my debts with one little thing. I eat one sticky cake myself... Can you solve the mystery?
You and Kent are walking through the Sahara Desert. There is no housing or settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes at Kent and bites him on the penis. What to do? Today a kent, tomorrow a cop. If his butt is above his knee, then the snake will not reach there. And if it’s lower, then he can suck himself off.
If I put a dick to your back, will you fly like a bird? A dick is not wings, I am not a bird, and I am not fit to fly.
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket? The table is not a soap dish, the bucket is not a bread bin.
Prison riddles
A collection of prison riddles that are asked to a newcomer to the cell. In certain places, based on your answer, your future fate may happen. Usually, such riddles are asked to beginners for fun, but the riddles themselves and the answers to them will make it clear to you what applies to you based on answers. Try to give at least a couple of them the correct answer.
1.TWO CHAIRS (CLASSICS):
There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharp, on the other they are f*cked, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
2.PLUG:
Direct question: With a fork in the eye or in the ass?
3.SOAP OR BREAD?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
4.STEW THE BOTTLE:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?
5.THE MAN SENT TO PRISON FOR 9 YEARS:
The man was sent to prison for a strict 9 years. One day his godfather (prison warden) tells him, if you solve the riddle within 9 years, I’ll let you go, well, the man agreed and the warden said:
A 9 letter word, found in every home, ending in “zor”, but not TV. The man thought and thought for 9 long years and still couldn’t guess. After serving his 9 years, he comes home, enters the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.
TWO CHAIRS (CLASSIC): There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharp, on the other they are f*cked, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
Answer:I’ll take sharpened peaks, cut down the f*cks, sit down myself and imprison my mother.
Answer #2:I’ll sit on the peaks myself, and put my mother on my knees.
PARACHUTE:
You are flying on a parachute, on the right is a forest of shit, on the left is a sea of shit. Where will you sit?Answer:In every forest there is a clearing, and in every sea there is an island.
Direct question: With a fork in the eye or in the ass?
Answer:And there are no forks in the zone.
Answer #2:I don’t see any one-eyed people here.
SOAP OR BREAD?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer:The table is not a soap dish, the bucket is not a bread bin.
ABOUT SUGAR:
You and Kent are walking through the Sahara Desert. At a distance of a hundred kilometers there is no housing, no settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes at the kent and bites him on the dick. What are you going to do?Answer:If the kent has a butt above his knee, then the snake will not reach him. If it’s lower, he’ll suck it himself.
FOOTBALL: They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer:Ask for a pass.
========
BROOM:
They give you a broom and say: “Play something on the guitar.” What will you do?Answer:Give the broom with the words “And you set the mood first” SEW THE BOTTLE:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?
Answer:Ask to turn it inside out.
A MAN SENT TO PRISON FOR 9 YEARS:
The man was sent to prison for a strict 9 years. One day his godfather (prison warden) tells him, if you solve the riddle within 9 years, I’ll let you go, well, the man agreed and the warden said:
A 9 letter word, found in every home, ending in “zor”, but not TV. The man thought and thought for 9 long years and still couldn’t guess. After serving his 9 years, he comes home, enters the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.
Answer:TV. The question is not about what the jailer wished for, but about the object, about the cat. The man first heard from the jailer (TV), and then saw it at home. And if you read the conditions, you can understand this
Prominent thinkers of the past spoke about this in their time:
There are two chairs. On one the peaks are chiseled, on the other the dicks are jerked off. Which one will you sit on, which one will you seat your mother on?
Plato: The two chairs can be seen as a reflection of the dualism of soul and body. If a chair with dicks symbolizes base bodily thoughts, then a chair with spikes reflects militant aspirations eternal soul. I choose spades.
Aristotle: Knowledge of each separate property must be acquired from experience, and therefore I will try both chairs. However, I like x* better.
Lao Tzu: I think I'll stand.
Thomas Aquinas: Only God is true being; and therefore we should endure all bodily torments with steadfastness, denying lust and the dirty aspirations of the body. So I'll sit on the peaks.
Michel Montaigne: A person cannot know absolute truth, and therefore it makes no difference which chair to sit on.
Schopenhauer: By human activity only anger, selfishness and compassion guide. So sit down on your own fucking chairs, asshole, and I’ll sympathize with you a little.
Voltaire: But where are these chairs? In one place or everywhere without taking up space? I don't know anything about this. Are they made of a single substance? I don't know anything about this. Are the peaks chiseled or the dicks wanked? I don't know anything about this.
Rene Descartes: I am sitting on a chair, which means I exist.
Kant: The question of two chairs lies in the area of antinomies pure reason. If a chair with dicks can be called a thesis, then a chair with spades is its antithesis. Considering that the solution to antinomies can never be found in experience, I will simply sit in front of these chairs and think for a long time, but in the end I will not choose anything.
Hegel: The answer to the questions that philosophy leaves unanswered is that they must be posed differently. What is missing here is a third chair, on which there would be huge dicks studded with sharp spikes. Oops, did I say that out loud?
Marx: Let's just put the capitalists on the chair with dicks and the imperialists on the chair with spades.
Freud: In my opinion, the answer is obvious.
Nietzsche: I'll stand with my feet on both chairs and dance because I'm crazy! Hurray for me!
Berdyaev: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, cut down the dicks and jerk them off, every child here knows this.
Camus: In unspeakable despair, I will lie down on the floor near the chairs and look at the ceiling. And then I will die, like the rest of us.
Heidegger: From which chair should the meaning of being be read, which chair should be the starting point for the discovery of being? The question of two chairs is an existential question, cognizable through experience. But given that experience always already takes place in the world and being, I will not sit on one. Look how many philosophers have already sat on them before me!
Derrida: A chair? What is a "chair"? What is "f*ck"? What are "peaks"? These are just words. We are locked within the boundaries of our language and understand the world only with its help. Therefore your question doesn't make sense.
5 (100%) 1 vote
“You move into a hut,” he began loquaciously, “and they arrange registration for you: they ask all sorts of crazy questions, a bunch of riddles, if you don’t answer, they hit you on the head with an oar...”, wrote Vladimir Ivanov in the book “Life in Prison.”
Prison riddles that are asked to a newcomer in a cell
Every newcomer to the house - prison cell- Must be registered. This is done in order to better get to know the cellmate with whom you will have to share shelter, food and a common fund. Based on the results of the test, the newcomer is assigned to a certain caste in the prison community.
There are categories of prisoners who do not have to undergo the initiation procedure. These include seemingly inadequate or sick individuals, men over 40 years of age. Researchers who studied underworld Russia, attribute the appearance of its traditions and laws to the 18th century.
Since then, the initiation ceremony has been planned. Caste system already formed by end of the 19th century century. There were four main categories (suits), which became the reason for the emergence of a permanent initiation rite in the ranks of recruits. This process reached its apotheosis from the 30s to the 90s of the 20th century.
To be thieves or not to be thieves - that is the question
During registration, a “friendly” dialogue takes place, in which special attention is paid to riddles with a trick. The answers to them are clearly regulated. To show yourself worthily, you need to initially know the solution or intuitively reach it. The initiation procedure is generally not carried out among mature criminals. It affects minors who are registered in the cells of a pre-trial detention center.
It is carried out in order to study the newcomer, establish his level of knowledge of the criminal subculture, understand whether the cellmate is ready to follow its norms, determine the status of the newly joined ranks, and clarify the rights and responsibilities emanating from the established suit.
We recommend reading 
Registration is often carried out immediately after a newcomer enters the cell. In some prisons, it is customary to initiate after the expiration of the term (usually three months). The concept of “fun” or “toy” is inextricably linked with initiation. The goal is to convict the recruit of ignorance of the norms and rules of the criminal world. The longest ones are the riddles. They test the “green” prisoner as long as the questioner has enough strength.
What doesn’t kill “green” prisoners...
Riddles are asked quickly. For each mistake, the subject receives a spoon to the forehead. If the cellmate turns out to be stupid, at the end of his registration he will grow “horns” - due to swelling in the places of numerous blows. “It’s impossible to retell all the riddles, and they help the person undergoing registration to remember (or think) in different ways: sometimes with a spoon, sometimes with a fist in the forehead through a book, they can even hit you with a liter mug,” says the book “Life in Prison” by Vladimir Ivanov. Prank toys, as a rule, are of a defiant and disparaging nature and are associated with the use of obscene language.
One of the most common questions is: “What is the prison based on?” The correct answer (“on hold”) is given extremely rarely. For an incorrect answer, recruits do push-ups or squats. But the wrong answer to the riddle “will you give it to f*** or sell your mother?” leads to greater insult. If a newcomer chooses the first option, he is subjected to sodomy. The second one is beaten and becomes a “goat” (type of suit). The correct answer is: “The boy doesn’t give a fuck, and his mother is not for sale.” A joke on intelligence is widely known to experienced prisoners: “What do you choose: f**k in f*** or a fork in the eye?” A new recruit should choose the latter because prisons do not provide forks.
Another example of a non-standard post that OFFICEPLANKTON likes to pamper its readers with.
A collection of very unusual riddles with a catch for a law-abiding citizen. In certain places, based on your answer, your future fate may happen. I often encountered similar prison puzzles during my youth. Prison puzzles are usually given to newcomers to the cell for fun, but the prison puzzle itself and the answer to it will tell the cellmates a lot about the newcomer. In the future, cellmates treat a person based on how he answered tricky questions.
We ask impressionable people, people under 18 years of age, and people with unstable mental health not to read this material. Contains profanity.
The convicts themselves are a very inventive people. And even if the prisoner was a computer specialist in freedom, then in places of deprivation of liberty he may have hidden talents in invention. For example, prisoners skillfully know how to adapt to a hard life thanks to their ingenuity and from scrap materials. With the help of inventions, prisoners can boil water or light a cigarette.
1 Two chairs (classic):
There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharp, on the other they are f*cked, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
Answer: I’ll take sharpened peaks, cut down the f*cks, sit down myself and imprison my mother.
Answer #2: I’ll sit on the peaks myself, I’ll put my mother on my knees.
2 Parachute:
You are flying on a parachute, on the right is a forest of shit, on the left is a sea of shit. Where will you sit?
Answer: In every forest there is a clearing, and in every sea there is an island.
3 Pit:
You fell into a hole. There's a pie and a dick in the pit. What will you eat, what will you put in your mouth?
Answer: I'll take the pie and crawl out of the hole.
4 *opa or mother?
Will you give it to F*ck or sell your mother?
Answer: Ass is not given, mother is not for sale.
5 Fork:
Direct question: With a fork in the eye or in the ass?
Answer: And there are no forks in the zone.
Answer #2: I don’t see any one-eyed people here.
6 Soap or bread?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer: The table is not a soap dish, the bucket is not a bread bin.
7 About the Sahara:
You and Kent are walking through the Sahara Desert. At a distance of a hundred kilometers there is no housing, no settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes at the kent and bites him on the dick. What are you going to do?
Answer: If the kent has a butt above his knee, then the snake will not reach him. If it’s lower, he’ll suck it himself.
Answer #2: Today it’s a kent, and tomorrow it’s a cop.
8 About the train:
You are riding on a train, chained to the levers, they can be turned either left or right. There is a fork ahead - on the right the mother is tied to a post, on the left there are kents, about ten people. Where will you turn, who will you run over?
Answer: Today they are kents, tomorrow they are cops.
The answer to all the riddles above: I will wake up.
9 About bones:
The prisoner sits on the shkonar, they open the feeding trough and give gruel and dry bread. In the morning they open the feeder again and see bones. Question: where do the bones come from if the prisoner is alive?
Answer: Dice.
10 About roosters:
There were two roosters, one was eaten before lunch, and the other after lunch, who was worse?
Answer: Those who already have it worse.
11 Football:
They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer: Ask for a pass.
12 Broom:
They give you a broom and say: “Play something on the guitar.” What will you do?
Answer: Give me the broom with the words “And you set the mood first”
13 Sew up the bottle:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?
Answer: Ask to turn it inside out.
14 Bayan:
They ask you to play the battery, like a button accordion. What will you do?
Answer: Ask to blow the furs.
And if you are interested in what life is like in prison, we can offer some rather unusual and interesting stories about life in prison. 
15 They sent a man to prison for 9 years:
The man was sent to prison for a strict 9 years. One day his godfather (prison warden) tells him, if you solve the riddle within 9 years, I’ll let you go, well, the man agreed and the warden said:
A 9 letter word, found in every home, ending in “zor”, but not TV. The man thought and thought for 9 long years and still couldn’t guess. After serving his 9 years, he comes home, enters the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.
Answer: TV. The question is not about what the jailer wished for, but about the object, about the cat. The man first heard from the jailer (TV), and then saw it at home. And if you read the conditions, you can understand this.
16 A convict escaped from prison on the island:
An island in the ocean. There is a prison on the island, there is water all around. A convict escaped from prison, climbed over the wall, jumped into a motor boat and rowed with all his might. The guards jumped into a faster motorboat and chased after him. They caught up with me, twisted me, grabbed me by the hair, slammed my head against the side, and took me back to prison. There are 3 inconsistencies in this story.
Answer:
1.
A wall is not needed in the open ocean
2.
Why row a motorboat with oars if you have a motor?
3.
The convicts are still bald
