About the variety of forms. Obstacles on the way to the goal. Are they needed?
Before you fight for happiness, you need to figure out what exactly makes a woman happy, what gives her a sense of harmony, makes her bloom magnificently even in the middle of winter? How does she become happy? It turns out that very little is needed for happiness. Mutual love, a harmonious family with healthy children, creative self-realization that helps to be in harmony, gives energy to maintain all this happiness.
A happy woman does not rebel, does not fight for her rights and independence, does not do business from morning to evening, not noticing how her children grow up.
Any woman is created specifically for happiness, which means she needs to fight for it, or rather, create it! You definitely need to fight, making every effort, not being afraid of difficulties along the way, you need to go towards it, bring it closer in order to realize your own happiness.
Happiness must be chosen
There is one secret that brings a woman closer to her happiness as quickly as she herself wants it. It is known that the closer a woman is to her natural essence, the happier she is. To truly become happy, you need to develop your instinct associated with natural rhythms, and then it will not fail you in choosing a loved one who will create and share happiness with you. The essence of female nature is that she was created to be a wife and mother, humble and wise.
She should always be sure that there will be someone nearby who can take care of her.
A woman should create her own home filled with love and harmony. She herself carries happiness, and the struggle for it begins inside, with the choice to become happy. Femininity, sensitivity, understanding of one's nature, self-confidence will always attract courage and the desire to protect, generosity and strength. All this together will create a harmonious union, happy family who is able to endure any adversity, raise happy children, and realize male and female potential to the maximum.
The struggle for happiness is carried out every day. You need to invest the energy of love and the power of wisdom into it, reacting to changes, innovations, behavior, mood. Try to accept yourself and your partner without criticizing or breaking with fleeting words and thoughts.
Try to make plans for the future, dream, travel, learn new things together, surprise, do not be afraid to expand the boundaries of the usual, give in, meet halfway, be flexible and worthy. This is the true struggle for real happiness, which will bring worthy results.
In my opinion, what you received is quite natural. I don’t think that your husband is rude because he is a redneck himself. Otherwise he would not have become your husband. Without justifying it in any way, nevertheless, you yourself provoked this situation. They set (consciously or subconsciously - another conversation) a high bar for him “what he must do to win your favor.” He "conquered" you. But it turned out that you don’t love him. Expectations were not met. It's a shame. This resentment results in irritation and even rudeness. I agree, I agreed myself, I jumped myself, and therefore, it seems, I shouldn’t be offended by anything. In theory. But in practice, this behavior of his means that he is still trying to somehow change the situation. IN better side. But now you are “raising the bar” again. Only in a negative sense. Now all his actions are counted against him.
But the whole point is that you simply don’t love him. And from the very beginning they didn’t like me. They just did things" loving woman"But form can rarely replace content. Then why continue this masochism further? You don’t get any pleasure for yourself from such a life. Neither does he. Then get a divorce. Believe me, it will be better for both of you.
And what “to fight for happiness or not” is an extremely controversial and ambiguous question. In my opinion, a woman who initially positions herself as “I won’t run after anyone, they should run after me” is worthy only of pity. Because from the very beginning it positions itself as a soulless thing. Door lock it doesn't matter who opens it. The main thing is that the key fits. By the way, as a rule, such people with such “high standards” are actually trying to disguise the lack of content. For it usually turns out that behind the external façade “there is nothing worthwhile.”
IMHO 04/06/2007 12:25:49, Leshy
Another question - WHY DID HE ACHIEVE HER????? Maybe she believed that he loved HER. And he was only trying to achieve a façade(((((No need to say that she was initially wrong - where was he at that time????? And, on the other hand, she loves someone else for many years until she achieves him , although it seems to her that she loves him. If she starts to achieve that first thing, where is the guarantee that he will not believe her, will meet her halfway, but it turns out that she, too, was only carried away by the facade, and did not have a thorough idea about the daily side-by-side. - the side of living with him. All this is theoretical reasoning. In general, I am inclined to think that you can get along with any person, just take the first one you come across and live with him, but you must mutually follow the rules. And love is also a thing that follows the rules. You can play. So, IMHO, it’s all in the head. If you want happiness, build it with the one who’s next to you. Because if it’s in your head, then everything will be the same with anyone else. You need to change the head, not. men. IMHO)))))))))))))))))))))))))) 04/06/2007 13:55:18, weterok
I understood everything except this:
How can I change the situation for the better without fulfilling any of the promises given to me, stopping working, etc.? He makes it worse, yes. And what kind of negative bar has I raised? For me, my bar in relation to my husband has dropped nowhere lower
04/06/2007 12:34:54, I won’t introduce myself
Pardon my cynicism, but, roughly speaking, an informal agreement was concluded between you. You positioned yourself as a smart, beautiful, sexy, gentle and caring woman, “who doesn’t agree to get along with just anyone.” Thus, you have outlined the rule for participating “in the tender” - you will go with the one who offers the most favorable conditions. He agreed to play by these rules. That's why he made "promises". He believed in them himself! The deal was done, you married him.
What do we have now?
1. Disappointment on your part - I deceived you and did not fulfill your promises. I do not like.
2. There is also disappointment on his part - he deceived him, overwrought him high price literally for nothing, because one hell of a stranger.
Those. If we talk about deception, then you both deceived each other. You encouraged him to give you more and more advances. So now there is no need to say that you have absolutely nothing to do with it, that he himself promised everything. Moreover, you promised him love, but you didn’t give it to him. And, formally, according to the terms of the agreement, he may not pay “for a service not provided.”
You see, in essence, you continue to step on the old rake. And he, in your opinion, should be happy that the woman married him, but instead of love, he only expresses dissatisfaction - where is the fulfillment of material promises? You are very wrong to think so.
Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you at all. I'm not God. Everyone goes their own way. I view the situation only from the position of personal comfort. True, in its broadest sense, including principles, morals and ethics. So, in order to raise the level of psychological comfort in your life, it is better for you to divorce this man. Not because he is bad and you are good, or vice versa. But only because the agreement itself is initially erroneous, and this error is systemic. 04/06/2007 12:49:21, Leshy
Love has many shades and sides. It does not have one true manifestation or form. Whenever this bright feeling arises between two people, it is definitely different from what you experienced before, as well as from what may still await you after. There is a barely noticeable line between love and infatuation. Love arises between those who need it; everyone has different needs and love languages, therefore, everyone expresses the feeling of being in love in their own way. We are filled with it and confess it with trepidation in our voice, no matter how much this feeling differs from what we experienced before. Every love inspires and gives New World for the next victories.
If I had to describe love in one sentence, I would say this: “Love is something worth fighting for.” If you are ready to fight, ready to suffer and want to give yourself 100% to this feeling, then you really love. In life there is only one real love- this is the one for which you are ready to fight, and everything else is just a passing feeling of falling in love.
If you have no desire to fight, then you don’t truly love. Doesn't matter what we're talking about life goals or about the state of falling in love, if you don’t have the desire and strength to achieve something, if you’re afraid to get your hands dirty, or don’t want to leave your comfort zone in order to grab another chance to live differently, well in that case, apparently it hasn’t visited you yet Love. Moreover, if you don't want something passionately, then you don't deserve it.
And no one has yet been able to refute this fact. This is a karmic connection between events and choices. Each of us has different desires and aspirations. We often want more than we have, and this formula concerns both the material side and attention and love. Humans are social gluttons. We need to be loved. We want to be taken care of. We dream of feeling safe at home. But true love is sometimes incompatible with our comfort zone. No one, I repeat once again, no one can live happy life without leaving your comfort zone. Look for a person who will get you out of it, because having met such a person, your life will become more bright colors and will be filled with incomparable emotions.
The question is, do you love the person enough to fight for them? If you are not sure that the struggle is worth it, then soon you will very soon become bored with this person. One of the main reasons why it is worth fighting for love is that love is all of life, everything else is just a background, one might say extras.
Falling in love, unfortunately, can tire you out, and that's true. We get bored with people to whom we do not want to give all our attention, or rather about whom we do not want to take care 24/7. Of course, too long a period of fighting for our beloved can exhaust us, it’s like hard labor that simply has no end. But to create a strong relationship, you need to make efforts, devote time and give care, otherwise there will be no happy ending.
And now it's not just about finding someone worth fighting for in the near future; rather, it’s about finding love for the sake of which you will feel the need for this struggle. Any relationship needs work. Fighting for love does not always mean destroying someone else's life or sacrificing yourself in the name of love. Most often, this means making efforts to develop relationships, learning to hear the opinion of your lover every day, throughout your entire life together, learning to think about someone other than yourself. Love is not a state of war, but it is a battle that you will fight throughout your life. But life is long and at times very difficult. But the main rule for lovers is to never give up.
The only things that really matter to us in life are those we are willing to fight for. Have you not yet decided what and who you want to see in your life? You don't understand what to do with the events around you? Are you unsure of what you should do next, where to go or who to be with? Remember, you are not alone. Many people in our world feel lost and sometimes do not understand what to do next - but this is normal. When for a long time in life everything is smooth and good, stability becomes a permanent state, but at some point of constant happiness it is difficult to find your place in the sun. This is not your fault; It's just how we were created. What we have is not enough for us.
We, people of the 21st century, are accustomed to surviving in extreme conditions, but the problem is that if we did not have to fight for something, we would never be able to understand what is worth fighting for and what is not. It’s not for nothing that they say: “You only appreciate when you lose.” Perhaps the struggle in its essence is purely animal in nature, but people, after all, descended from animals.
If you are not ready to fight, then I'm sorry, of course... but this person deserves a better future than his life together next to you.
Every man and every woman should meet a person who will love them so much that they will be ready to fight for their shared happiness every minute. If you have someone who is willing to fight for you, protect you, and even fight alongside you when necessary, well, that's where partnership begins. It seems to me that each of us literally has a ingrained desire to meet a companion who, if necessary, will fight for us. You don't have to fight with your fists.
You need to fight for patience, for understanding, you should plan your life together, be able to forgive each other and do everything possible and impossible to maintain their relationship.
If you are not ready to meet your love, then your partner deserves more. Yes, and you will not be able to develop in these relationships, and you also deserve to become better.
It is a rare person who can boast that his feelings for another were always mutual. As the song says: “We choose, we are chosen. How often this doesn’t coincide...” Each time there is such a discrepancy, painful questions arise: “What should I do? What is the right thing to do? Should I pursue the object of my love or should I retreat?”
Love is not a thing that can be discovered, then put in a drawer, locked with a key and kept for a long time. I think that mutual sympathy and affection is something that is born from the constant efforts of everyone, actions aimed at another person, intended specifically for him. That is, a love relationship is not a static reality, but a process that is important to constantly maintain.
If we're talking about about struggle, it means that there are obstacles. If the issue is with parents who, for one reason or another, are against your love, you should probably try to defend the right to your own feelings, while taking full responsibility for building future relationships and separation from your parental family.
The next obstacle may be everyday problems, such as: distance between lovers, financial problems, housing problems, etc. But, as you know, obstacles are only a ghost when it comes to Love. Otherwise, we should talk about a “balanced” approach to building a future destiny, and this is a completely different topic...
Unrequited love: painful anticipation of a call, delight and torment from meetings, excitement, jealousy, tenderness, hope and despair. And the constant darkness of desire and inability to change anything. And I really want something to happen: either to bewitch him (her) forever, so that it doesn’t go anywhere, or to uproot this torment from my soul.
Certainly, unrequited love exhausting. Should I neglect my pride, begging for attention, earning favor, seeking reciprocity? Or leave with your head held high, relying on your self-esteem and pay for it by plunging into the abyss of despair? Unrequited love is like a trap from which no way out is good and it seems that nothing depends on you.
It happens that a person’s life turns into an endless struggle for an “object,” an exhausting race for “personal happiness,” which destroys all other connections, relationships, destroys the person himself, and drives him to complete despair.
Before you throw yourself headlong into the struggle for the “elusive” object of love, ask yourself: why is this person so important (needed, vital) to me, who doesn’t even look in my direction? What do I really want - recognition, respect, care from him, confirmation of my personal exclusivity? What will happen the moment I achieve what I want? How will it be for me? When you have honestly answered all the questions, it may turn out that the “struggle for personal happiness” is a struggle with... your own complexes, the desire to prove your worth and overcome obstacles...
The question is not whether to fight for your happiness or not, it is much more important to regain inner freedom. And then it may turn out that unrequited love is an exciting, wonderful, life-giving experience, regardless of how your relationship develops. Or maybe it’s important to let go of what doesn’t work out, mourn this loss and look for your person, for whom you will become the most valuable, the closest. Or it may happen that, having stopped demanding from fate the immediate fulfillment of all your desires, you will be able to build a relationship with this person that is meaningful for both of you.
