Fonvizin undergrowth 1 action. An educational resource for thinking and curious people

Prostakov.

Ms. Prostakova, his wife.

Mitrofan, their son, a minor.

Eremeevna, Mitrofanova's mother.

Pravdin.

Starodum.

Sophia, Starodum's niece.

Milo.

Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.

Kuteikin, seminarian.

Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.

Vralman, teacher.

Trishka, tailor.

Servant Prostakova.

Valet Starodum.

Action in the village of Prostakovs.

Denis Fonvizin. Engraving from the collection of portraits of Platon Beketov. 1821 edition

Act one

PHENOMENON I

Cover of the first edition of the play by D.I. Fonvizin “Undergrowth”, 1783

Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.

Ms. Prostakova (examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.

Mitrofan leaves.

SCENE II

Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.

Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?

Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.

Mrs. Prostakova. So is it really necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!

Trishka. Yes, I studied to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.

Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.

Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.

Mitrofan(runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.

Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.

Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.

SCENE III

Same with Prostakov.

Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?

Prostakov(stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.

Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.

Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.

Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?

Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.

Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby the Lord gave me: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.

Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.

Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves.

Go, sir, and punish now...

PHENOMENA IV

Same with Skotinin.

Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?

Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?

Skotinin. No.

Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.

Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is well made.

Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.

Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.

Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.

Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.

Mrs. Prostakova. Ah, Mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner it hit me.

Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.

Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.

Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.

Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.

Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.

Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.

Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.

Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?

Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.

Prostakov(to the side). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!

Mitrofan(loosen up). So I felt sorry.

Ms. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.

Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.

Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!

Prostakov. By at least I love him as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.

Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.

Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?

Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…

Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe the Lord is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.

Mitrofan and Eremeevna leave.

PHENOMENA V

Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.

Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?

Mrs. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, however, I am related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.

Prostakov(to Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After her father she remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...

Ms. Prostakova (showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.

Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.

Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.

Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.

Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I didn’t hit anyone with my brow, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would be in the water.

Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent.

Mrs. Prostakova. At least you taught us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster!

Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia.

Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much?

Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like.

Prostakov. So next door to her village?

Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is.

Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother?

Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head.

Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family. Mitrofanushka is our uncle. And he was a hunter of pigs, just like you. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy.

Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs?

Prostakov. And there is some similarity here, I think so.

SCENE VI

Same with Sophia.

Sophia entered holding a letter in her hand and looking cheerful.

Ms. Prostakova (Sofya). Why are you so happy, mother? What are you happy about?

Sophia. I have now received good news. My uncle, about whom we knew nothing for so long, whom I love and honor as my father, recently arrived in Moscow. Here is the letter I have now received from him.

Ms. Prostakova (frightened, with anger). How! Starodum, your uncle, is alive! And you deign to say that he has risen! That's a fair amount of fiction!

Sophia. Yes, he never died.

Mrs. Prostakova. Didn't die! But shouldn't he die? No, madam, these are your inventions, in order to intimidate us with your uncle, so that we give you freedom. Uncle is a smart man; he, seeing me in the wrong hands, will find a way to help me out. That's what you're glad about, madam; However, perhaps, don’t be very happy: your uncle, of course, did not resurrect.

Skotinin. Sister, what if he didn’t die?

Prostakov. God forbid he didn't die!

Ms. Prostakova (to husband). How did you not die? Why are you confusing grandma? Don’t you know that for several years now he has been commemorated by me in memorials for his repose? Surely my sinful prayers didn’t reach me! (To Sophia.) Perhaps a letter for me. (Almost throws up.) I bet it's some kind of amorous. And I can guess from whom. This is from the officer who was looking to marry you and whom you yourself wanted to marry. What a beast gives you letters without my asking! I'll get there. This is what we have come to. They write letters to the girls! The girls can read and write!

Sophia. Read it yourself, madam. You will see that nothing could be more innocent.

Mrs. Prostakova. Read it for yourself! No, madam, thank God, I was not brought up like that. I can receive letters, but I always tell someone else to read them. (To my husband.) Read.

Prostakov(looks for a long time). It's tricky.

Mrs. Prostakova. And you, my father, were apparently raised like a pretty girl. Brother, read it, work hard.

Skotinin. I? I haven't read anything in my life, sister! God saved me from this boredom.

Sophia. Let me read it.

Mrs. Prostakova. Oh mother! I know that you are a craftswoman, but I don’t really believe you. Here, I’m having tea, teacher Mitrofanushkin will come soon. I tell him...

Skotinin. Have you started teaching the youngster to read and write?

Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, dear brother! I've been studying for four years now. There’s nothing, it’s a sin to say that we don’t try to educate Mitrofanushka. We pay three teachers. The sexton from Pokrov, Kuteikin, comes to him to read and write. One retired sergeant, Tsyfirkin, teaches him arithmetic, father. Both of them come here from the city. The city is three miles away from us, father. He is taught French and all sciences by the German Adam Adamych Vralman. This is three hundred rubles a year. We seat you at the table with us. Our women wash his linen. Where needed - a horse. There is a glass of wine at the table. At night there is a tallow candle, and our Fomka sends the wig for free. To tell the truth, we are happy with him, dear brother. He doesn't oppress the child. Vit, my father, while Mitrofanushka is still undergrowth, sweat and pamper him; and there, in ten years, when he enters, God forbid, into service, he will suffer everything. As for anyone, happiness is destined for them, brother. From our surname Prostakovs, look - the tissue, lying on its side, is flying to its ranks. Why is their Mitrofanushka worse? Bah! Yes, by the way, our dear guest came here.

SCENE VII

Same with Pravdin.

Mrs. Prostakova. Brother, my friend! I recommend to you our dear guest, Mr. Pravdin; and to you, my lord, I recommend my brother.

Pravdin. I am glad to have made your acquaintance.

Skotinin. Okay, my lord! As for the last name, I didn’t hear it.

Pravdin. I call myself Pravdin so you can hear.

Skotinin. Which native, my lord? Where are the villages?

Pravdin. I was born in Moscow, if you need to know, and my villages are in the local governorship.

Skotinin. Do I dare ask, my sir—I don’t know my name and patronymic—are there pigs in your villages?

Mrs. Prostakova. Enough, brother, let’s start about pigs. Let's talk better about our grief. (To Pravdin.) Here, father! God told us to take the girl into our arms. She deigns to receive letters from her uncles. Uncles write to her from the other world. Do me a favor, my father, take the trouble to read it out loud to all of us.

Pravdin. Excuse me, madam. I never read letters without the permission of those to whom they are written.

Sophia. I ask you this. You will do me a great favor.

Pravdin. If you order. (Is reading.)“Dear niece! My affairs forced me to live for several years in separation from my neighbors; and the distance deprived me of the pleasure of hearing about you. I am now in Moscow, having lived in Siberia for several years. I can serve as an example that you can make your own fortune through hard work and honesty. By these means, with the help of happiness, I earned ten thousand rubles in income...”

Skotinin and both Prostakovs. Ten thousand!

Pravdin(is reading). "...which you, my dear niece, I make you an heir..."

Mrs. Prostakova. You as heiress!

Prostakov. Sophia is the heiress!

Skotinin. Her heiress!

Ms. Prostakova (rushing to hug Sophia). Congratulations, Sofyushka! Congratulations, my soul! I'm overjoyed! Now you need a groom. I, I don’t wish for a better bride for Mitrofanushka. That's it, uncle! That's my dear father! I myself still thought that God was protecting him, that he was still alive.

Skotinin(extending his hand). Well, sister, quickly shake hands.

Ms. Prostakova (quietly to Skotinin). Wait, brother. First you need to ask her if she still wants to marry you?

Skotinin. How! What a question! Are you really going to report to her?

Skotinin. And for what? Even if you read for five years, you won’t finish reading better than ten thousand.

Ms. Prostakova (to Sophia). Sophia, my soul! let's go to my bedroom. I have an urgent need to talk to you. (Took Sophia away.)

Skotinin. Bah! So I see that today it is unlikely that there will be any conspiracy.

SCENE VIII

Pravdin, Prostakov, Skotinin, servant.

Servant(to Prostakov, out of breath). Master! master! soldiers came and stopped in our village.

Prostakov. What a disaster! Well, they will ruin us completely!

Pravdin. What are you afraid of?

Prostakov. Ah, dear father! We've already seen the sights. I don’t dare show up to them.

Pravdin. Do not be afraid. They are, of course, led by an officer who will not allow any insolence. Come with me to him. I am sure that you are timid in vain.

Pravdin, Prostakov and the servant leave.

Skotinin. Everyone left me alone. The idea was to go for a walk in the barnyard.

End of the first act

Act two

PHENOMENON I

Pravdin, Milon.

Milo. How glad I am, my dear friend, that I accidentally met you! Tell me in what case...

Pravdin. As a friend, I will tell you the reason for my stay here. I have been appointed a member of the local governorship. I have orders to travel around the local district; and besides, out of my own deed of heart, I do not allow myself to notice those malicious ignoramuses who, having complete power over their people, use it inhumanly for evil. You know the way of thinking of our governor. With what zeal does he help suffering humanity! With what zeal does he thus fulfill the philanthropic forms of the highest power! In our region we ourselves have experienced that where the governor is such as the governor is depicted in the Institution, there the welfare of the inhabitants is true and reliable. I've been living here for three days now. He found the landowner an infinite fool, and his wife a despicable fury, whose hellish disposition brings misfortune to their entire house. Are you thinking, my friend, tell me, how long did you stay here?

Milo. I'm leaving here in a few hours.

Pravdin. What's so soon? Have a rest.

Milo. I can not. I was ordered to lead the soldiers without delay... yes, moreover, I myself am eager to be in Moscow.

Pravdin. What is the reason?

Milo. I will tell you the secret of my heart, dear friend! I am in love and have the happiness of being loved. For more than six months I have been separated from the one who is dearer to me than anything else in the world, and what is even sadder is that I have not heard anything about her during all this time. Often, attributing the silence to her coldness, I was tormented by grief; but suddenly I received news that shocked me. They write to me that, after the death of her mother, some distant relatives took her to their villages. I don’t know: neither who, nor where. Perhaps she is now in the hands of some selfish people who, taking advantage of her orphanhood, are keeping her in tyranny. This thought alone makes me beside myself.

Pravdin. I see similar inhumanity in here at home. I am striving, however, to soon put limits on the wife’s malice and the husband’s stupidity. I have already notified our boss about all the local barbarities and I have no doubt that measures will be taken to calm them down.

Milo. Happy are you, my friend, being able to alleviate the fate of the unfortunate. I don’t know what to do in my sad situation.

Pravdin. Let me ask about her name.

Milo(excited). A! here she is.

SCENE II

Same with Sophia.

Sophia(in admiration). Milon! Do I see you?

Pravdin. What happiness!

Milo. This is the one who owns my heart. Dear Sophia! Tell me, how do I find you here?

Sophia. How many sorrows have I endured since the day of our separation! My unscrupulous relatives...

Pravdin. My friend! Don’t ask about what is so sad for her... You will learn from me what rudeness...

Milo. Unworthy people!

Sophia. Today, however, for the first time the local landlady changed her behavior towards me. Having heard that my uncle was making me an heir, she suddenly turned from being rude and scolding to the point of being affectionate to the point of being mean, and I can see from all her innuendos that she intends me to be his son’s bride.

Milo(eagerly). And you didn’t show her complete contempt at that very moment?..

Sophia. No…

Milo. And you didn’t tell her that you had a commitment from the heart, that...

Sophia. No.

Milo. A! now I see my destruction. My opponent is happy! I do not deny all the merits in him. He may be reasonable, enlightened, kind; but so that you can compare with me in my love for you, so that...

Sophia(grinning). My God! If you saw him, your jealousy would drive you to the extreme!

Milo(indignantly). I imagine all its virtues.

Sophia. You can’t even imagine everyone. Although he is sixteen years old, he has already reached the last degree of his perfection and will not go any further.

Pravdin. How can it not go further, madam? He finishes studying the Book of Hours; and there, one must think, they will start working on the Psalter.

Milo. How! Is this my opponent? And, dear Sophia, why do you torment me with a joke? You know how easily a passionate person is upset by the slightest suspicion.

Sophia. Think how miserable my condition is! I couldn’t answer this stupid proposal decisively. In order to get rid of their rudeness, in order to have some freedom, I was forced to hide my feelings.

Milo. What did you answer her?

Here Skotinin walks through the theater, lost in thought, and no one sees him.

Sophia. I said that my fate depended on my uncle’s will, that he himself promised to come here in his letter, which (to Pravdin) Mr. Skotinin did not allow you to finish reading.

Milo. Skotinin!

Skotinin. I!

SCENE III

Same with Skotinin.

Pravdin. How did you sneak up, Mr. Skotinin! I would not expect this from you.

Skotinin. I passed by you. I heard that they were calling me, and I responded. I have this custom: whoever screams - Skotinin! And I told him: I am! What are you, brothers, really? I myself served in the guard and was retired as a corporal. It used to be that at the roll call they would shout: Taras Skotinin! And I’m at the top of my lungs: I am!

Pravdin. We didn’t call you now, and you can go where you were going.

Skotinin. I wasn’t going anywhere, but wandering around, lost in thought. I have such a custom that if I get into my head, I can’t knock it out with a nail. In my mind, you hear, what came into my mind is stuck here. That’s all I think about, that’s all I see in a dream, as if in reality, and in reality, as in a dream.

Pravdin. Why would you be so interested now?

Skotinin. Oh, brother, you are my dear friend! Miracles are happening to me. My sister quickly took me from my village to hers, and if she just as quickly takes me from her village to mine, then I can say in front of the whole world with a clear conscience: I went for nothing, I brought nothing.

Pravdin. What a pity, Mr. Skotinin! Your sister plays with you like a ball.

Skotinin(angry). How about a ball? God protect! Yes, I myself will throw it so that the whole village will not find it in a week.

Sophia. Oh, how angry you are!

Milo. What happened to you?

Skotinin. You yourself, clever man, think about it. My sister brought me here to get married. Now she herself came up with a recusal: “What do you want, brother, in a wife; If only you, brother, had a good pig.” No, sister! I want to have my own piglets. It's not easy to fool me.

Pravdin. It seems to me myself, Mr. Skotinin, that your sister is thinking about a wedding, but not about yours.

Skotinin. What a parable! I am not a hindrance to anyone else. Everyone should marry his bride. I won’t touch someone else’s, and don’t touch mine. (Sofya.) Don't worry, darling. No one will interrupt you from me.

Sophia. What does it mean? Here's something new!

Milo(screamed). What audacity!

Skotinin(to Sophia). Why are you afraid?

Pravdin(to Milan). How can you be angry with Skotinin!

Sophia(to Skotinin). Am I really destined to be your wife?

Milo. I can hardly resist!

Skotinin. You can’t beat your betrothed with a horse, darling! It's a sin to blame for your own happiness. You will live happily ever after with me. Ten thousand to your income! Eco happiness has arrived; Yes, I have never seen so much since I was born; Yes, I will buy all the pigs from the world with them; Yes, you hear me, I’ll do it so that everyone will blow the trumpet: in this neighborhood around here there are only pigs to live.

Pravdin. When only your cattle can be happy, then your wife will have bad peace from them and from you.

Skotinin. Poor peace! bah! bah! bah! Don't I have enough light rooms? I’ll give her a coal stove and a bed for her alone. You are my dear friend! If now, without seeing anything, I have a special bite for each pig, then I’ll find a light for my wife.

Here is an introductory fragment of the book.
Only part of the text is open for free reading (restriction of the copyright holder). If you liked the book, full text

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pages: 1 2 3 4 5 1 (estimates: 4,00 , average:

out of 5)
Title: Minor

Year: 1782

About the book “Minor” Denis Fonvizin

At the end of the eighteenth century, Denis Fonvizin gave the world the play “The Minor,” which is still relevant in its content to this day. The work simply and openly shows the relationship between fathers and sons, nobility and serfs, as well as education competing with inertia and stupidity. Critics praised the author's work. The heroes of the play “The Minor” are landowners, government officials, teachers, servants, and serfs. Denis Fonvizin gives them surnames that directly indicate negative or positive traits

: Pravdin, Starodum, Vralman, Skotinin, Prostakov.

The author divides the characters into three camps - positive, negative and “teachers”. There is constant interaction between the characters, a struggle of worldviews and contrasting opposition. But are the characters as negative as the author tries to present? The main character of the play is Lady Prostakova, a quarrelsome, loud woman who rules the serfs and own husband

, but melting at the sight of Mitrofanushka’s adored son. The landowner hires the best teachers, sparing no expense to give her beloved child a good education.

The teachers turn out to be scammers, and the son turns out to be a cunning man who skillfully eludes the teachers. Mitrofanushka turns into an undergrowth - a creature with a “white” ticket.

Denis Fonvizin paints a person completely blinded by maternal love and her son, who skillfully takes advantage of his mother’s weakness. To everything else, one should add the narrow-mindedness of both characters and the consequences caused by their actions.

On one side of the scale in Prostakova’s character fall absurdity, malice, greed, stupidity, and on the other - boundless love for her son.

However, the play “The Minor” is not only about the blind mother's love. It's about outright stupidity and unwillingness to learn. It's about ideal moralists and shady officials. It is about the good and evil that coexist in each of us.

The play “The Minor” has not lost its relevance 250 years after its publication. The character of Mitrofanushka has long become a household name. Denis Fonvizin in his work created a mass catch phrases, distributed among fans' quote books.

On our website about books you can download the site for free or read online book"The Minor" Denis Fonvizin in epub formats, fb2, txt, rtf, pdf for iPad, iPhone, Android and Kindle. The book will give you a lot of pleasant moments and real pleasure from reading. Buy full version you can from our partner. Also, here you will find last news from literary world, learn the biography of your favorite authors. For beginning writers there is a separate section with useful tips and recommendations, interesting articles, thanks to which you yourself can try your hand at literary crafts.

Quotes from the book “The Minor” Denis Fonvizin

Cash is not cash worth.

The golden dummy is everyone's dummy.

It is better to lead life at home than in someone else's hallway.

It was her crazy love for you that brought her the most misfortune.

Conscience, like a friend, always warns before punishing like a judge.

Is he happy who has nothing to desire, but only something to fear?

The flatterer is a thief at night who will first put out the candle and then begin to steal.

I know, I know that a person cannot be an angel. You don't even have to be a devil.

In human ignorance, it is very comforting to consider everything that you don’t know to be nonsense.

Download the book “Undergrowth” for free by Denis Fonvizin

(Fragment)

Denis Fonvizin

Minor

Comedy in five acts

CHARACTERS

Prostakov.

Mrs. Prostakova, his wife.

Prostakov, their son, is an undergrowth.

Eremeevna, Mitrofanov’s mother.

Starodum.

Sophia, Starodum's niece.

Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.

Kuteikin, seminarian.

Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.

Vralman, teacher.

Trishka, tailor.

Prostakov's servant.

Starodum's valet.

Action in the village of Prostakovs.

ACT ONE

APPEARANCE I Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.

Ms. Prostakova (examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.

Mitrofan leaves.

SCENE II Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.

Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?

Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.

Mrs. Prostakova. So is it really necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!

Trishka. Yes, I studied to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.

Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.

Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.

Mitrofan(runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.

Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.

Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.

SCENE III The same and Prostakov.

Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?

Prostakov(stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.

Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.

Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.

Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?

Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.

Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby God blessed me with: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.

Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.

Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...

SCENE IV Same with Skotinin.

Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?

Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?

Skotinin. No.

Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.

Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is well made.

Ms. Prostakova(Trishka). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.

Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.

Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.

Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.

Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner it hit me.

Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.

Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.

Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.

Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.

Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.

Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.

Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.

Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?

Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.

Prostakov(to the side). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!

Mitrofan (softening up). So I felt sorry.

Ms. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.

Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.

Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!

Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.

Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.

Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?

Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…

Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe God is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.

Mitrofan and Eremeevna enter.

SCENE V Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.

Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?

Mrs. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, I am still related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.

Prostakov(Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After their father, they remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...

Ms. Prostakova (showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.

Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.

Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.

Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.

Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I didn’t hit anyone with my brow, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would be in the water.

Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent.

Mrs. Prostakova. At least you taught us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster!

Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia.

Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much?

Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like.

Prostakov. So next door to her village?

Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is.

Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother?

Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head.

Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family. Mitrofanushka is our uncle. And he was a hunter of pigs, just like you. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy.

Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs?

Minor

Comedy in five acts

CHARACTERS

Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova, his wife.
Prostakov, their son, is an undergrowth.
Eremeevna, Mitrofanov’s mother.
Pravdin.
Starodum.
Sophia, Starodum's niece.
Milo.
Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.
Kuteikin, seminarian.
Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.
Vralman, teacher.
Trishka, tailor.
Prostakov's servant.
Starodum's valet.
Action in the village of Prostakovs.

ACT ONE

PHENOMENON I

Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.

SCENE II

Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.

SCENE III

Same with Prostakov.

PHENOMENA IV

Same with Skotinin.

PHENOMENA V

Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.

SCENE VI

Same with Sophia.

SCENE VII

Same with Pravdin.

SCENE VIII

Pravdin, Prostakov, Skotinin, servant.

End of the first act.

ACT TWO

PHENOMENON I

Pravdin, Milon.

SCENE II

Same with Sophia.

SCENE III

Same with Skotinin.

PHENOMENA IV

The same ones, Eremeevna and Mitrofan.

© AST Publishing House LLC, 2017

Minor
Comedy in five acts

Characters

Prostakov.

Ms. Prostakova, his wife.

Mitrofan, their son, a minor.

Eremeevna, Mitrofanova’s mother.

Pravdin.

Starodum.

Sophia, Starodum's niece.

Milo.

Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.

Kuteikin, seminarian.

Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.

Vralman, teacher.

Trishka, tailor.

Servant Prostakova.

Valet Starodum.

Action in the village of Prostakovs.

Act one

Phenomenon I

Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.

Ms. Prostakova(examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.

Mitrofan leaves.

Phenomenon II

Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.

Mrs. Prostakova (Trishke). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?

Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.

Mrs. Prostakova. So is it really necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!

Trishka. Yes, I studied to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.

Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.

Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.

Mitrofan (runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.

Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.

Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.

Scene III

Same with Prostakov.

Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?

Prostakov (stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.

Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.

Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.

Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?

Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.

Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby the Lord gave me: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.

Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.

Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...

Phenomenon IV

Same with Skotinin.

Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?

Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?

Skotinin. No.

Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.

Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is well made.

Mrs. Prostakova (Trishke). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.

Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.

Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.

Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.

Mrs. Prostakova. Ah, Mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner it hit me.

Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.

Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.

Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.

Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.

Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.

Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.

Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.

Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?

Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.

Prostakov (aside). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!

Mitrofan (relaxed). So I felt sorry.

Mrs. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?

Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.

Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.

Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!

Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.

Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.

Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?

Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…

Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe the Lord is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.

Mitrofan and Eremeevna leave.

Phenomenon V

Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.

Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?

Ms. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, however, I am related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.

Prostakov (to Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After her father she remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...

Ms. Prostakova(showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.

Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.

Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.

Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.

Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I didn’t hit anyone with my brow, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would be in the water.

Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent.

Mrs. Prostakova. At least you taught us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster!

Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia.

Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much?

Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like.

Prostakov. So next door to her village?

Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is.

Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother?

Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head.

Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family. Mitrofanushka is our uncle. And he was a hunter of pigs, just like you. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy.

Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs?

Prostakov. And there is some similarity here, I think so.

Scene VI

Same with Sophia.

Sophia came in holding a letter in her hand and looking cheerful..

Mrs. Prostakova (Sofya). Why are you so happy, mother? What are you happy about?

Sophia. I have now received good news. My uncle, about whom we knew nothing for so long, whom I love and honor as my father, recently arrived in Moscow. Here is the letter I have now received from him.

Mrs. Prostakova (frightened, with anger). How! Starodum, your uncle, is alive! And you deign to say that he has risen! That's a fair amount of fiction!

Sophia. Yes, he never died.

Mrs. Prostakova. Didn't die! But shouldn't he die? No, madam, these are your inventions, in order to intimidate us with your uncle, so that we give you freedom. Uncle is a smart man; he, seeing me in the wrong hands, will find a way to help me out. That's what you're glad about, madam; However, perhaps, don’t be very happy: your uncle, of course, did not resurrect.

Skotinin. Sister, what if he didn’t die?

Prostakov. God forbid he didn't die!

Mrs. Prostakova (to her husband). How did you not die? Why are you confusing grandma? Don’t you know that for several years now he has been commemorated by me in memorials for his repose? Surely my sinful prayers didn’t reach me! (To Sophia.) Perhaps a letter for me. (Almost throws up.) I bet it's some kind of amorous. And I can guess from whom. This is from the officer who was looking to marry you and whom you yourself wanted to marry. What a beast gives you letters without my asking! I'll get there. This is what we have come to. They write letters to the girls! The girls can read and write!

Sophia. Read it yourself, madam. You will see that nothing could be more innocent.

Mrs. Prostakova. Read it for yourself! No, madam, thank God, I was not brought up like that. I can receive letters, but I always tell someone else to read them. (To my husband.) Read.

Prostakov (staring for a long time). It's tricky.

Mrs. Prostakova. And you, my father, were apparently raised like a pretty girl. Brother, read it, work hard.

Skotinin. I? I haven't read anything in my life, sister! God saved me from this boredom.

Sophia. Let me read it.

Mrs. Prostakova. Oh mother! I know that you are a craftswoman, but I don’t really believe you. Here, I’m having tea, teacher Mitrofanushkin will come soon. I tell him...

Skotinin. Have you started teaching the youngster to read and write?

Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, dear brother! I've been studying for four years now. There’s nothing, it’s a sin to say that we don’t try to educate Mitrofanushka. We pay three teachers. The sexton from Pokrov, Kuteikin, comes to him to read and write. One retired sergeant, Tsyfirkin, teaches him arithmetic, father. Both of them come here from the city. The city is three miles away from us, father. He is taught French and all sciences by the German Adam Adamych Vralman. This is three hundred rubles a year. We seat you at the table with us. Our women wash his linen. Where needed - a horse. There is a glass of wine at the table. At night there is a tallow candle, and our Fomka sends the wig for free. To tell the truth, we are happy with him, dear brother. He doesn't oppress the child. Vit, my father, while Mitrofanushka is still undergrowth, sweat and pamper him; and there, in ten years, when he enters, God forbid, into service, he will suffer everything. As for anyone, happiness is destined for them, brother. From our family of Prostakovs, look, lying on their sides, they are flying to their ranks. Why is their Mitrofanushka worse? Bah! Yes, by the way, our dear guest came here.

Scene VII

Same with Pravdin.

Mrs. Prostakova. Brother, my friend! I recommend to you our dear guest, Mr. Pravdin; and to you, my lord, I recommend my brother.

Pravdin. I am glad to have made your acquaintance.

Skotinin. Okay, my lord! As for the last name, I didn’t hear it.

Pravdin. I call myself Pravdin so you can hear.

Skotinin. Which native, my lord? Where are the villages?

Pravdin. I was born in Moscow, if you need to know, and my villages are in the local governorship.

Skotinin. Do I dare ask, my sir—I don’t know my name and patronymic—are there pigs in your villages?

Mrs. Prostakova. That's enough, brother, let's start about pigs. Let's talk better about our grief. (To Pravdin.) Here, father! God told us to take the girl into our arms. She deigns to receive letters from her uncles. Uncles write to her from the other world. Do me a favor, my father, take the trouble to read it out loud to all of us.

Pravdin. Excuse me, madam. I never read letters without the permission of those to whom they are written.

Sophia. I ask you this. You will do me a great favor.

Pravdin. If you order. (Reads.) “Dear niece! My affairs forced me to live for several years in separation from my neighbors; and the distance deprived me of the pleasure of hearing about you. I am now in Moscow, having lived in Siberia for several years. I can serve as an example that you can make your own fortune through hard work and honesty. By these means, with the help of happiness, I earned ten thousand rubles in income...”

Skotinin and both Prostakovs. Ten thousand!

Pravdin (reading). “...to whom, my dear niece, I make you heir...”

Mrs. Prostakova. You as heiress!

Prostakov. Sophia is the heiress!

Skotinin. Her heiress!

Mrs. Prostakova (rushing to hug Sophia). Congratulations, Sofyushka! Congratulations, my soul! I'm overjoyed! Now you need a groom. I, I don’t wish for a better bride for Mitrofanushka. That's it, uncle! That's my dear father! I myself still thought that God was protecting him, that he was still alive.

Skotinin (extending his hand). Well, sister, quickly shake hands.

Mrs. Prostakova (quietly to Skotinin). Wait, brother. First you need to ask her if she still wants to marry you?

Skotinin. How! What a question! Are you really going to report to her?

Skotinin. And for what? Even if you read for five years, you won’t finish reading better than ten thousand.

Mrs. Prostakova (to Sophia). Sophia, my soul! let's go to my bedroom. I have an urgent need to talk to you. (Took Sophia away.)

Skotinin. Bah! So I see that today it is unlikely that there will be any conspiracy.

Scene VIII

Pravdin, Prostakov, Skotinin, servant.

Servant (to Prostakov, out of breath). Master! master! soldiers came and stopped in our village.

Prostakov. What a disaster! Well, they will ruin us completely!

Pravdin. What are you afraid of?

Prostakov. Ah, dear father! We've already seen the sights. I don’t dare show up to them.

Pravdin. Do not be afraid. They are, of course, led by an officer who will not allow any insolence. Come with me to him. I am sure that you are timid in vain.

Pravdin, Prostakov and the servant leave.

Skotinin. Everyone left me alone. The idea was to go for a walk in the barnyard.

End of the first act

Act two

Phenomenon I

Pravdin, Milon.

Milo. How glad I am, my dear friend, that I accidentally met you! Tell me in what case...

Pravdin. As a friend, I will tell you the reason for my stay here. I have been appointed a member of the local governorship. I have orders to travel around the local district; and besides, out of my own deed of heart, I do not allow myself to notice those malicious ignoramuses who, having complete power over their people, use it inhumanly for evil. You know the way of thinking of our governor. With what zeal does he help suffering humanity! With what zeal does he thus fulfill the philanthropic forms of the highest power! In our region we ourselves have experienced that where the governor is such as the governor is depicted in the Institution, there the welfare of the inhabitants is true and reliable. I've been living here for three days now. He found the landowner an infinite fool, and his wife a despicable fury, whose hellish disposition brings misfortune to their entire house. Are you thinking, my friend, tell me, how long did you stay here?

Milo. I'm leaving here in a few hours.

Pravdin. What's so soon? Have a rest.

Milo. I can not. I was ordered to lead the soldiers without delay... yes, moreover, I myself am eager to be in Moscow.

Pravdin. What is the reason?

Milo. I will tell you the secret of my heart, dear friend! I am in love and have the happiness of being loved. For more than six months I have been separated from the one who is dearer to me than anything else in the world, and what is even sadder is that I have not heard anything about her during all this time. Often, attributing the silence to her coldness, I was tormented by grief; but suddenly I received news that shocked me. They write to me that, after the death of her mother, some distant relatives took her to their villages. I don’t know: neither who, nor where. Perhaps she is now in the hands of some selfish people who, taking advantage of her orphanhood, are keeping her in tyranny. This thought alone makes me beside myself.

Pravdin. I see similar inhumanity in the house here. I am striving, however, to soon put limits on the wife’s malice and the husband’s stupidity. I have already notified our boss about all the local barbarities and I have no doubt that measures will be taken to calm them down.

Milo. Happy are you, my friend, being able to alleviate the fate of the unfortunate. I don’t know what to do in my sad situation.

Pravdin. Let me ask about her name.

Milon (delighted). A! here she is.

Phenomenon II

Same with Sophia.

Sophia (in admiration). Milon! Do I see you?

Pravdin. What happiness!

Milo. This is the one who owns my heart. Dear Sophia! Tell me, how do I find you here?

Sophia. How many sorrows have I endured since the day of our separation! My unscrupulous relatives...

Pravdin. My friend! Don’t ask about what is so sad for her... You will learn from me what rudeness...

Milo. Unworthy people!

Sophia. Today, however, for the first time the local landlady changed her behavior towards me. Having heard that my uncle was making me an heir, she suddenly turned from being rude and scolding to the point of being affectionate to the point of being mean, and I can see from all her innuendos that she intends me to be his son’s bride.

Milon (impatiently). And you didn’t show her complete contempt at the same time?...

Sophia. No…

Milo. And you didn’t tell her that you had a commitment from the heart, that...

Sophia. No.

Milo. A! now I see my destruction. My opponent is happy! I do not deny all the merits in him. He may be reasonable, enlightened, kind; but so that you can compare with me in my love for you, so that...

Sophia (grinning). My God! If you saw him, your jealousy would drive you to the extreme!

Milo (indignantly). I imagine all its virtues.

Sophia. You can’t even imagine everyone. Although he is sixteen years old, he has already reached the last degree of his perfection and will not go any further.

Pravdin. How can it not go further, madam? He finishes studying the Book of Hours; and there, one must think, they will start working on the Psalter.

Milo. How! Is this my opponent? And, dear Sophia, why do you torment me with a joke? You know how easily a passionate person is upset by the slightest suspicion.

Sophia. Think how miserable my condition is! I couldn’t answer this stupid proposal decisively. In order to get rid of their rudeness, in order to have some freedom, I was forced to hide my feelings.

Milo. What did you answer her?

Here Skotinin walks through the theater, lost in thought, and no one sees him.

Sophia. I said that my fate depended on my uncle’s will, that he himself promised to come here in his letter, which (to Pravdin) didn't let you finish reading, sir Skotinin.

Milo. Skotinin!

Skotinin. I!

Scene III

Same with Skotinin.

Pravdin. How did you sneak up, Mr. Skotinin! I would not expect this from you.

Skotinin. I passed by you. I heard that they were calling me, and I responded. I have this custom: whoever screams - Skotinin! And I told him: I am! What are you, brothers, really? I myself served in the guard and was retired as a corporal. It used to be that at the roll call they would shout: Taras Skotinin! And I’m at the top of my lungs: I am!

Pravdin. We didn’t call you now, and you can go where you were going.

Skotinin. I wasn’t going anywhere, but wandering around, lost in thought. I have such a custom that if I get into my head, I can’t knock it out with a nail. In my mind, you hear, what came into my mind is stuck here. That’s all I think about, that’s all I see in a dream, as if in reality, and in reality, as in a dream.

Pravdin. Why would you be so interested now?

Skotinin. Oh, brother, you are my dear friend! Miracles are happening to me. My sister quickly took me from my village to hers, and if she just as quickly takes me from her village to mine, then I can say in front of the whole world with a clear conscience: I went for nothing, I brought nothing.

Pravdin. What a pity, Mr. Skotinin! Your sister plays with you like a ball.

Skotinin (angry). How about a ball? God protect! Yes, I myself will throw it so that the whole village will not find it in a week.

Sophia. Oh, how angry you are!

Milo. What happened to you?

Skotinin. You, smart man, judge for yourself. My sister brought me here to get married. Now she herself came up with a recusal: “What do you want, brother, in a wife; If only you, brother, had a good pig.” No, sister! I want to have my own piglets. It's not easy to fool me.

Pravdin. It seems to me myself, Mr. Skotinin, that your sister is thinking about a wedding, but not about yours.

Skotinin. What a parable! I am not a hindrance to anyone else. Everyone should marry his bride. I won’t touch someone else’s, and don’t touch mine. (Sofya.) Don't worry, darling. No one will interrupt you from me.

Sophia. What does it mean? Here's something new!

Milo (screamed). What audacity!

Skotinin (to Sophia). Why are you afraid?

Pravdin (to Milan). How can you be angry with Skotinin!

Sophia (to Skotinina). Am I really destined to be your wife?

Milo. I can hardly resist!

Skotinin. You can’t beat your betrothed with a horse, darling! It's a sin to blame for your own happiness. You will live happily ever after with me. Ten thousand to your income! Eco happiness has arrived; Yes, I have never seen so much since I was born; Yes, I will buy all the pigs from the world with them; Yes, you hear me, I’ll do it so that everyone will blow the trumpet: in this neighborhood around here there are only pigs to live.

Pravdin. When only your cattle can be happy, then your wife will have bad peace from them and from you.

Skotinin. Poor peace! bah! bah! bah! Don't I have enough light rooms? I’ll give her a coal stove and a bed for her alone. You are my dear friend! If now, without seeing anything, I have a special bite for each pig, then I’ll find a light for my wife.

Milo. What a bestial comparison!

Pravdin (to Skotinin). Nothing will happen, Mr. Skotinin! I will tell you that your sister will read it for her son.

Skotinin. How! The nephew should interrupt his uncle! Yes, I’ll break him like hell at the first meeting. Well, if I’m a pig’s son, if I’m not her husband, or Mitrofan is a freak.