How to address a person correctly: address etiquette. Addressing people with respect
Addressing strangers (on the street, in transport, in a store, etc.) hometown sometimes causes confusion and confusion. What if you find yourself in another country, on the streets of an unfamiliar city? Use our recommendations. Polite treatment To a stranger you should start with an apology for the inconvenience caused. Then, after apologizing, feel free to follow up with a question or request. The most used revolutions in English language are "Excuse me", "Pardon me" and "I beg your pardon". If we draw a parallel with the Russian language, they correspond to the following expressions: “Sorry,” “Sorry,” and “I beg your pardon.” The phrase "Pardon me", less often "I beg your pardon", is used if referring to to a stranger, you distract him from his task or interrupt his conversation with other people. In all other cases, the phrase “Excuse me” is used.
Examples of addressing a stranger:
(Addressing passers-by on the city streets)
Excuse me, can you tell me the way to Westminster Abbey?
Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Westminster Abbey?
Excuse me, can you please direct me to the nearest bus stop?
Excuse me, can you please tell me how to get to the nearest bus stop?
Excuse me, which is the way to the underground here?
Excuse me, how do you get to the metro from here?
Excuse me, could you tell me the shortest way to the theater?
Excuse me, could you show me the closest route to the theater?
Excuse me, how can I get to the nearest underground station?
Excuse me, how can I get to the nearest metro station?
Excuse me, but I wish to know where the Caesar Hotel is?
Excuse me, I need to know where the Caesar Hotel is located?
Excuse me, could you tell me the correct time?
Sorry, could you tell me the exact time?
(Addressing a passenger in transport)
Excuse me, you"ve left your umbrella here.
Sorry, you forgot your umbrella.
Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Sorry, is this seat unoccupied?
Excuse me, are you getting off at the next stop?
Excuse me, are you getting off at the next stop?
(Address of a woman/man to a person younger in age)
Pardon me, would you please help me cross the street?
Excuse me, could you help me cross the road?
(Address to a group of people engaged in some activity)
Pardon me for interrupting, where can I find the Tower on this map, please?
Sorry to interrupt your conversation, tell me where can I find the Tower on this map?
Under some circumstances, a stranger is approached not with a polite request, question, etc., but only with an apology. So, for example, in a theater, walking between rows of seats, you disturb people who are already sitting in their seats. In this case, the polite behavior is to apologize for each such disturbance by saying:
In the case when the concern turns out to be more significant - they accidentally pushed, accidentally touched, stepped on a foot, etc. - any of the following expressions are possible as a form of apology:
I"m sorry! - Sorry!
I"m very sorry! – I’m very sorry!
Pardon me! - Sorry!
Please pardon me! - Excuse me, please!
I beg your pardon! - I'm sorry!
I beg your pardon for... - I apologize for the fact that...
For example:
I beg your pardon for bothering you!
I apologize for disturbing you!
If you are sure that your actions are disturbing strangers, for example, while on a train, listening to the radio in the presence of fellow travelers, then be sure to ask them the question:
I"m sorry, am I disturbing you? - Sorry, I’m not bothering you?
Sometimes it becomes necessary to turn to a stranger with a request, the fulfillment of which requires effort or action, for example, open or close a window, move, pass something, rearrange, etc. In this case, the call starts like this:
Sorry to trouble you, but... - Sorry, I have to bother you, but the expression “sorry to trouble you” can be used in various requests. Using this expression gives the request additional politeness, for example:
Sorry to trouble you, but could you tell me the time?
Sorry to disturb you, could you tell me what time it is?
The expressions “Excuse me” (Pardon me, I beg your pardon) are not used as a form of address to police officers, porters and waiters. Accepted addresses: to a policeman - Officer!, to a porter - Porter!, to a waiter - Waiter!
Now all you have to do is put the acquired knowledge into practice and become known as the most polite foreigner abroad.
Shvyryaeva Marina Borisovna
How often do you need to contact a new acquaintance or a random person? It happens that people can get confused in a situation when they suddenly need to turn to someone. And you can’t just go and say “Hey!” or "Sorry." How should you proceed? How to contact people?
In fact, in etiquette there are actions in this regard that are quite explainable and understandable to everyone.
If you are older
If you are several years older than the person you are addressing, then depending on the specific case, according to etiquette, you can address the person as “you” or “young man.” It would be appropriate to add "Sorry"/"Excuse me, please." Such an appeal used to be often heard among residents of Leningrad, who addressed young people: “Sorry, young man...”. The apology actually meant that the person calling apologizes in advance for taking up time.
If you are younger
If you younger than that, to whom you decide to contact, it is better to address him as “you”. The exception is when the person is only two to three years older than you. In the rest, it is better to address the person in a respectful manner: “Excuse me, please”; “Man, you dropped it,” “Girl, aren’t you busy?” and so on.
Ancient appeals
In the USSR, a passerby could often be addressed as “Citizen” or “Comrade.” Moreover, such an appeal was relevant among representatives of the police and ranks of citizens. Today, more and more often among representatives of the law you can hear the following addresses: “Young man”, “Girl”, “Woman” or “Man”. In general, the most common addresses that are common in society. This is because addressing people by calling them comrades is already for many it is not relevant, although among military personnel or even students it may be quite appropriate.
Greeting etiquette
Speaking about how to greet people, it is worth recalling that the words “Hello”, “Hello”, “Great” and others are familiar. In etiquette, they can only be used among close friends. It is emphasized that if you meet people who are not familiar with your surroundings, you should greet your friend according to generally accepted rules: “Hello”, “Hello”.
When greeting people who are an order of magnitude older than you, you should not ask questions like: “How are you?”, “How is life?”, “How is your health?” In etiquette, it is customary to ask “How are you?”, “How are you doing?” Pay attention to respectful address to the interlocutor.
Etiquette in a work environment
Business address is a demonstration of respectful attitude towards partners and colleagues. Therefore, it is customary to address everyone as “you”: managers, subordinates, clients, partners, colleagues, regardless of age and status. An official situation requires increased politeness in addressing the interlocutor, regardless of his position. The address to the most important persons occupying a high public or official position, noted for outstanding services, can be as follows: “Dear (deeply respected)” I.O.
In an office environment, it is required to be addressed by first name and patronymic; the only exception may be that employee or client who himself asks to be addressed only by his first name. In this case, it is necessary to use the full form of the name, for example Anatoly, and not Tolya. Address yourself as "you". Perhaps, having worked together for quite a long time, you have managed to become good friends, and perhaps even friends, you should not combine business and personal relationships in the workplace, among colleagues you should not indulge yourself in the form of familiar addresses, follow the rules of etiquette. Also, in the business world, gender-specific addresses such as “Girl”, “Man”, etc. are unacceptable. Contact options: " Dear colleagues!”, “Gentlemen” are quite acceptable.
Instructions
After the greeting, you should introduce yourself and explain the reason why the addressee is writing to a stranger - the addressee. Perhaps the main rule is saving other people's time. Phrases need to be formulated succinctly, clearly, concisely. Don’t overdo it with punctuation, emoticons and slang. If literacy is lame, then it’s worth writing simple sentences, without a locomotive participial phrases after the first comma. It is better to choose neutral greetings: “Good afternoon”, “Hello”.
The next paragraph is the main part of the letter, where the author explains his interest in more detail, asks questions, and explains in detail the essence of the problem. If this business letter, then it would be appropriate to refer to two or three mutual acquaintances or people who are respected so that the recipient can verify the information presented. If this is a purely personal and delicate letter (for example, the addressee is a potential relative, classmate or person whose help is needed), then it is worth expressing the emotions of the interlocutor. For example: "I understand that you may be surprised to receive this letter" or "I hope you are not upset, but the situation..."
The third paragraph is an expression of gratitude and general phrases in the spirit: “Thank you for paying attention and reading this letter to the end” and “I look forward to a productive cooperation.” A polite “tail”: “With respect” or “All the best” is acceptable, but it would be better if it were a personal signature, and not a template hammered into an email program. Business man After his signature, he leaves his contacts: the company’s website, reception phone numbers. Private correspondence implies a link to a phone number or a blog - any personal resource that will help you navigate the subject of the letter.
note
Correspondence with a stranger implies politeness, goodwill and hope that the dialogue will continue. At the end of the letter there may be a note: “If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer them.”
Sources:
- Letter templates for all occasions.
Relatives, friends, acquaintances are those on whose support you can always count. But what to do if you have to contact a stranger, and not in person, but through a letter? In this case, politeness and the correct approach to composing a message will help out.
Instructions
Choose a message depending on the age of the person you are writing to. It is customary to address a child under 16 years of age as “you”; when communicating with a stranger older than this age, the rules good manners require the use of the pronoun “you”. At the same time, it is quite acceptable to call the young man by name without a patronymic, for example, “I know, Alexander, that you ...” or “I decided to write to you, Natasha ...”. A middle-aged or older person is addressed by his first name and patronymic. If it is in character and addressed to an official, regardless of age, call him by his first and patronymic names.
Introduce yourself and give some information about yourself.
Briefly summarize the essence of your letter. Inform the recipient whether you want to tell him something, ask him for something, or apologize for something. For example, “I think you will be interested in the fact that you have relatives in Belarus” or “Circumstances force me to turn to you asking for help.”
State the information you want to convey to the recipient. Try to write concisely, avoid ambiguous phrases and expressions: the person does not know you, does not know what to expect from you, so there is a possibility of being misunderstood.
At the end of the letter, specifically formulate your request or wish so that the addressee has no doubt about what you really want from him. If you make a request, accompany it with an apology for the inconvenience.
Say goodbye politely. Thank you for your attention to your message.
Re-read the written letter and make the necessary adjustments.
You should be especially sensitive and thoughtful when writing a letter of request. If doing what you ask requires significant effort, the recipient's natural reaction will be to refuse you. In such cases, you need to think about what could motivate a stranger, who owes you nothing, to act in your interest. Unobtrusively appeal to high feelings: responsibility, compassion, etc. Sometimes, on the contrary, such incentives as the desire to receive material gain and become famous turn out to be more effective. Support the request stated in the official letter with justification for its legality and references to the law.
A business proposal, regardless of whether it concerns partnerships, the purchase and sale of goods or services, cooperation in specific projects, or an invitation to hire a key employee, must be clearly structured and contain a maximum of information with a minimum of text.
Recently, Vladimir Ivanovich Novikov, a professor at the Faculty of Journalism at Moscow State University, again raised on his Facebook an issue that has been troubling the public for twenty years now - appeals. The topic came up in a series of his notes “No Etiquette.” “What, shouldn’t you get angry when the receptionist at the clinic calls you “young man” - an elderly person, but still ten years younger than you? - asks the philologist.
This question has been around for quite some time; it has even been recorded in books. “Having ceased to be comrades, we never became masters,” states Maxim Krongauz sadly in his book “The Russian Language on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.” Back in the 80s, the writer N.I. Ilyina mentioned this in her “Roads and Fates”: ““Woman! Your stocking is torn!” "Man! They forgot the change!” “You hear these shouts more and more often, and, in my opinion, they are terrible, but what to replace them with?” We still ask this question twenty years later.
So what exactly is the problem? Quick answer: the culture of verbal communication in Russia is not established, and therefore does not require addressing an unfamiliar person. Experts’ comments on this are collected in the material “BG”, to which we will turn later.
The word in the context of history
The life and development of language are inseparable from the life of society. How I didn’t settle down speech etiquette, Russia is not so settled: the paths of its development are, if not vague, then at least a turn sign is visible by the road. Previously, language norms were more precise in this regard; everyone “knew” (“politeness” comes from the word “to know”) how to address a person of a certain position. The slave was called, and this was the result of knowledge.” - St. Ya. Krotov). What do we know now?
Positions, ranks, professions, scientific titles. There are no estates; It is hardly reasonable to classify people on economic grounds, because money is not a measure of dignity. What remains is the place of communication (at some events it would be appropriate to address oneself as “colleagues”), attitude towards the interlocutor (respectful, respectful, neutral-polite) and age. For example, older ladies prefer to address younger people as “young lady/young man”, and older people as “madam/citizen”. It sounds quite neutral coming from them, doesn’t it?
Self-respect and mutual respect are incredibly important in general and for public relations in particular, don't you think? Even if society gave birth to the state, which today illustrates many satires and absurdities, it is still only an instrument of social life. Therefore, it is quite possible that history itself will tell you how and to whom you should contact, but for now we will offer a modus vivendi in the name of creativity, constructiveness and a pleasant atmosphere in society. But before that, let’s take a closer look at the available
Options
Addresses can be impersonal (“Excuse me”, “Excuse me”, etc.), formal and informal (kinship terms like “father”, “grandfather”, “grandmother”, “mother” and others). Let me make a reservation right away that we are talking more about everyday business appeals to strangers- for example, on the street, in transport, with people providing services, etc. List: sir / madam, madam / gentleman, citizen / citizen, comrade, respected + IO, young man / girl, dear.
The main problem seems to be that most of the generally accepted forms of address, which in our time have acquired a respectful connotation due to their archaic nature, have archaic political connotations: “sir” comes from “sovereign”, and sometimes the interlocutor was even called “dear sir” (and it seems that often this did not sound polite, but rather neutral-polite). With the current form of government, they may look irrelevant - but, then, why not?
Indeed, if in our today's life There are no clearly established classes and strata, then this does not have to be literally reflected in addresses, because they are designed to express respect for the interlocutor, regardless of his position, education or phone model. And if somewhere there was a discussion on the topic of ironic respect and “dear/deeply respected” addresses, then I will allow myself not to participate in it, since we are focusing on genuine intelligence, which is not characteristic of expressing disdain.
Sir
Here and there the writer Vladimir Iosifovich Soloukhin is quoted, who suggested calling each other “sirs.” The doctor supports him philological sciences Natalya Ivanovna Formanovskaya: “We can agree that these appeals in the past least reflected social inequality. Soloukhin's proposal was discussed in the press. Many opinions were expressed for and against. Opponents mainly referred to the fact that it was unusual and strange. Yes, of course, everything newly introduced is strange at first, but how quickly we get used to the new!” (Culture of communication and speech etiquette. - M.: Ikar, 2005).
The main arguments about the inconvenience of “sirs” are in many syllables and strange, random associations (“blow”, “court”, “dishes” and so on). I have nothing to object to the association, however, one can come to terms with the length of the word - our language, with the exception of some unprintable cases, is not the shortest and poorest, no matter how inconvenient it may be for someone. (Here we can recommend a smile: there are no syllables, but everyone understands, and everyone is pleased.)
Let's look at other options.
1. Official address: “Mr. + title, position, position, profession.” In the book “The Russian Language on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown,” Maxim Krongauz notes that addresses like “Mr. Janitor” are now acceptable as polite official address.
An agender friend of mine, who has been at war with the gender definition of the Russian language for many years, verbally calls his interlocutors “gentlemen” in the plural. This name, in fact, has neither gender nor a strictly defined ideological connotation, unlike “comrade”. Not everyone knows, but the address “gentlemen” includes persons of both sexes, although according to the rules of pre-revolutionary etiquette it was customary to single out ladies from it. It’s worth adding here that modern standards Decency does not advise addressing people by gender, which confirms the rudeness that others hear in “men” and “women.”
2. Citizen: the address came into use after the revolution. Nowadays, this is how convicts are prescribed to address representatives of the law (as stated by Formanovskaya), and in general it is most often found in the legislative context. It would seem that this is a neutral address (like “countryman”, since we can simply talk about territory), but it seems to take the interlocutor out of his personal space, placing him on a common, clearly limited territory, emphasizing his affiliation with the state. In this sense, as it seems to me personally, “citizen” has an ideological connotation, because the speaker must have reasons to emphasize the fact that he is a resident when calling a person. Again, I’ll make a reservation that this appeal may have other semantic connotations.
3. “Comrade” is clearly ideologically colored, but the last to die is the hope of neutralizing the word: “Comrade! Believe: she will rise, a star of captivating happiness...”
4. Master and hostess. It is more appropriate in relation to people providing services. Some cafes even call their waitresses or managers “hostesses.” This is not always literally accurate, but the meaning of the address is not only to designate the interlocutor (“Waiter!”), but also to express respect for him (otherwise the almost neutral “dear sir” would not have been so common in its time).
However, despite the street shouts, the discontent of citizens and the confusion of dictionaries, at the first glance at the question we see its solution: peace and grace reign on Wikipedia, where, out of nowhere, a reasonable answer is still given: “The addresses “Mr,” “Madam” and “ladies and gentlemen” have now returned and are official in modern Russian business communication and document flow, and “sir”, “madam” and “young lady” are used in privacy. “Comrade” is still used today, it is an official address to Russian army, Cossacks and in a number of leftist and communist organizations."
Offer
If both etiquette and language are the results of linguistic creativity, then I invite you to it. You can join in the discussion of the issue and contribute to the development of an agreement, the so-called consensus, and/or decide the issue for yourself and consolidate the decision with everyday practice. Language is alive, revive the words with your speech - and they will bloom again.
So, agreeing with V.I. Soloukhin, N.I. Formanovskaya, as well as with the historian Andrei Borisovich Zubov, I will address strangers - in addition to impersonal addresses and first names and patronymics - “sir” or “madam”, and also, possibly, “gracious sir” and “gracious empress” (“this is adequate Russian language: this is how they were addressed before the revolution, this is how they are addressed in the Russian diaspora” - A.B. Zubov, see “BG”). The shortest, simplest and most comprehensive address - “gentlemen” - is also invited to the active lexicon.
Unforced practice of application, in theory, should erase the ironic connotation and, people's will, these appeals will become neutral. A guest of one forum spoke correctly: “Yes, and if we were less afraid of shades of a smile in such addresses, and used them fearlessly, with habit, any shade of irony would soon disappear. In general, I’m surprised why we are not afraid of shades of rudeness and rudeness that clearly sound in the address “man”, “woman”, but they are afraid of shades of light irony in “sir/madam”?
P.S. Finally, we express love and support for folk etiquette that appeals to kinship: “father”, “mother”, “grandmother”, “grandfather” and so on. These words emphasize the connection between people, bring them closer and warm. Of course, there are a number of situations in which they would not be appropriate, but I would not want this expression of friendly participation - a part of our culture, familiar to us from fairy tales - to remain the property of only Orthodox communities.
Not everyone knows how best to address a stranger. Of course, you can still say to a man in the old fashioned way: “Comrade.” In the same manner, of course using plural, you can contact several people. But what to do with a woman - call her: “Commodity!”? Or, at worst, a “girlfriend”? The first sounds unusual, although it is literary literate, but it is unlikely to be taken as an insult. The second hurts the ear with familiarity that is not always appropriate.
By gender
We, as a rule, respond obediently to the more persistent and widely used “citizen” or “citizen”, but not without hidden, or even obvious displeasure. There is something in this address from a stern police shout. The unforgettable Ostap Bender proposed a softening French version - “situayen”. The French, like the Germans, English, Poles and other Swedes, can only be envied in this sense. In their linguistic spaces, fixed addresses have lived for centuries. They have no reason to call out to each other “Woman!” or “Man!”
And we call out all the time. While “man” is no better than the calls “blonde” or “brunette” - it’s better not to remember the origin of all three calls in polite society. The call “Woman!” - also not the best invention. If only because, having spent up to forty years as a “girl” and hearing “woman” one far from wonderful day, we instantly experience the hitherto unfelt burden of the years we have lived. And our hand naturally reaches for the mirror, which dispassionately confirms: “Yes, , not a girl, that’s for sure.”
The slang “dude,” “brother,” or even “boy” are clearly inappropriate in the mouths of gentle and delicate female creatures. “Young man” is undoubtedly more decent and familiar, but again it is not always appropriate for the reason that the person may turn out to be far from young. Don’t call him “dad”! It would be nice to address yourself as “Mister!” and to a woman as “Madam!” However, the famous satirist Mikhail Zadornov, through broadcast television, has long convinced the entire population of our country that we are not masters, we have to grow and grow before such treatment, which was widespread at the beginning of the 20th century.
Several years ago, one writer proposed introducing common use originally Russian - “sir” and “madam”. This too has not yet caught on. Maybe because our state is multinational, or maybe it sounds too ceremonious, which we are again not used to. It’s easier for children: they can easily say “boy” or “girl” to each other without offending even the most demanding taste and hearing. So is it really true that for adults who want to look decent and not offend anyone, the same “citizen” with a “comrade” and a “girl” with a “citizen” are left?
Polite and friendly
In view of the above, the classic question arises: what to do? After all, while we are growing up to become “gentlemen” and “gracious sirs,” we need to somehow address strangers, while remaining within the bounds of decency. And here we can only offer impersonal, but quite polite and friendly “let me,” “do me a favor,” “excuse me” and “be kind.” It goes without saying that the interjections “E!” and "Hey!" at the beginning of the mentioned phrases-appeals, all our politeness will immediately be nullified.
And it would be really good to start every conversation with unfamiliar salespeople, cleaners, taxi drivers, receptionists in clinics and other people who serve us with the old, kind and, of course, pleasant word “Hello!” So without the sacramental “Man!” and “Woman!” It's quite possible to get by.
