Awkward pause, or how not to be silent on the phone

If you are just taking your first steps in a pickup truck, and you don’t have much experience communicating with girls, the question naturally arises: what to talk about With new friend. After all, when it’s the first time, a lot of different nuances arise: since she’s for you, you start to worry, and because of this, communication doesn’t go well.

Therefore, before a meeting, it is better to have a plan in your head: what kind of things you can catch on in communication, where to lead it and how to avoid it awkward pauses.

The first question you should ask yourself is: “for what purpose am I going for a walk now, and what exactly do I want from a girl?” After all, this is very important! Why do so many dates end in nothing? The guy likes the girl and he meets completely aimlessly; he doesn’t know what to do or where to direct his communication. Girls feel such uncertainty very well, and they quickly become bored and uninteresting.

For example, you say to yourself: I like this girl. In a meeting, I want her to be interested in me. I want to get closer to her and kiss her. Ultimately I want to have sex with her.

And when the goals are set, you can conduct the conversation in a certain way. What kind of communication can lead to sex? Obviously not a discussion of your hobbies, and who is studying for whom.

Therefore, flirting should be present in your communication. And the initiative for this flirting should come from you.

Interesting topics to talk to a girl

• Her appearance . After you have greeted her, hugged her and kissed her, you can pay attention to her appearance. For example, say that she has a cool top with an interesting print, and start discussing it, what it means. In this case, you are driving her into an evaluative framework, and she is already starting to think about how to please you, and that there may be something wrong with her.)

• Extreme Sports. Tell her how you do road jumping, how cool it is and what emotions you experience. Invite her to try it too. Your girlfriend will imagine all this and begin to experience emotions. What's the most important thing on a date? Emotions!

• Tell me about some a funny or interesting incident from your life, in which you find yourself with your girlfriend. That is, you talk about the situation and casually mention that there is at least one other woman in your life. This immediately creates competition for you in the girl’s head. For example: a friend drove me on a date, and we saw this terrible accident.. and then blah blah blah...the emphasis is on the incident, but the girl will immediately notice that you have a friend who also does something for you.

• Ask, how she would behave in a given situation. An example of a situation should also be provocative. For example, you are sitting in some establishment, and you ask: how would you behave if that girl over there came up to me now and asked me to dance? It doesn't matter what she says. The main thing is that the necessary mental image has already been created in her head, which also works to compete for you.

• Tell us about your travels. Where have you been and what have you seen? About the most memorable moments. Ask her the same. By the way, this is a good test for a girl. Usually, people who have never been anywhere, and don’t even have the desire to do so, turn out to be quite closed and boring. Why do you need a girl who is not interested in anything?

Topics for conversation with a girl on VK

I don't recommend delaying it. Try to get the girl’s phone number as quickly as possible and agree to meet in real life. In VK it is quite difficult to maintain a conversation at the desired level, and it is pointless. If a girl doesn't give her number and breaks down, forget about her and move on to someone else.

How to communicate with a girl

No less important point. After all, if you use all of the above points, but are unsure of yourself and boring, then no amount of conversation, even super interesting and intriguing topics, will help you. Therefore, keep in mind that it is important not even WHAT talk and HOW speak.

Talk to the girl confidently. Don't fawn on her. Don't try to please her.

Imagine that during your communication you are mentally giving her a gift. In the form of positive energy, Have a good mood, interesting information. Look how her reaction has changed.

As you gain experience, you will have less and less questions about how to find topics to talk to a girl in real life, on the Internet, on VK, by phone, yes in all situations. It's like boxing. When you come to training for the first time, your hands don’t obey you, everything works out just barely. But after a few months regular classes you have already been hit, you defend yourself well, and you don’t think about your every action. So here, you stop worrying about how to start a conversation and what you can talk about with a girl.

Running out of topics to chat with a girl?

Have a few more options:

• Ask about a dream.
• About whether he knows how to cook. You can have a good joke here)
• “What do you want to be when you grow up?”)
• Talk about women's and men's fashion.

That's all. Good luck!

Who among us hasn’t found ourselves in a situation during a date when it seems like the silence drags on for an eternity? You just want her to like you. We will help! This awkwardness can be corrected by our 8 simple tips. Remember them and use them when you don’t know how to behave!

The first few dates are difficult, especially if you know almost nothing about her. My thoughts are full of doubts: “What will she think if I start asking her personal questions,” “Will it be appropriate to tell this joke about religion now,” etc.

And so, when you think about what you should and shouldn’t say to someone you don’t know yet, pauses in communication inevitably occur. Of course, this causes discomfort, but remember, you are not the only one who has had this problem. Few people manage to speak without doubt on first dates - but we will destroy stereotypes. Just understand - there are topics that should only be discussed when you are already quite familiar.

If you one day find yourself in a situation where there is nothing left to do but fiddle with your wet fingers in excitement and pull an unexpectedly tight collar away from your neck, remember our tips. Learn to fill those awkward pauses, and you will never have to feel nervous in front of your interlocutor again.

#1 Always avoid controversial topics in conversation

No matter how much you wait for the collapse financial system how passionately you advocate for women’s right to have an abortion, or how enthusiastically you would talk about the president’s democratic (undemocratic) policies, leave these topics for later. After all, you still don’t know if the interlocutor has just recently invested her savings, supports the abolition of legal abortion, or even, ironically, is somehow connected with the president.

In general, stay away from topics that can lead to serious disagreements. Despite the fact that the argument can turn out to be very friendly and even fun, and not just aggressive, hold back these passions until better times, when you know more about your interlocutor. The only thing worse than awkward silence on a date is the start of an argument about nonsense.

If you feel like the conversation is getting into a hot and controversial topic, take a step back and be the first to say something like, “How about we put this aside? interesting conversation for later, but now discuss this topic?” After that, offer some light material for discussion, whatever comes to mind, and see how the dialogue continues.

#2 And also avoid topics about the past.

Remember that it is advisable to avoid discussing the past, unless, of course, the topic suddenly comes up. Attempts by the interlocutor to gently avoid explaining why they broke up with their former flame, or why they long time in a quarrel with parents, not the best good options on the first date. Questions about the past will most often lead to awkward pauses.

Try to defuse the situation by turning the arrows on yourself. If you don't mind talking about your past, then say something. Just remember that you only need to talk about interesting and positive things, and also not laugh too loudly. To divert attention to yourself, you can say something like: “My relationship with my mother was bad, but she baked wonderful coconut cookies that reminded me of the beach. By the way, do you like to spend time by the sea?”

#3 Recognizing Silence

One of the most effective ways to defuse an awkward situation is to honestly acknowledge it. After a pause in the conversation, you can say something like, “Yeah, that was awkward. Let’s better go there / let’s see what else you can order / I’ll be back now, wait here) / (go to the next tip).” After this, you can give a nice compliment or start a completely new topic of conversation.

No. 4 Relatives and friends

When you feel backed into a corner by the lack of topics for conversation and the hanging silence, counterattack the awkward situation by inviting the interlocutor to talk about her friends and family. Most people relax and feel more comfortable talking about their loved ones.

It doesn't matter what it's about. Whether it's a story about hitchhiking with a friend from university or a description of a retro-themed birthday party for your nephew, you'll be able to glean interesting information about the interlocutor and find new leads for subsequent conversations. For example: “I have a five-year-old cousin, and she is already sure that she will be a doctor. You can't imagine what she does to her parents when they play with her. By the way, as a child I wanted to become an archaeologist. And you?"

#5 Where did you travel?

From talking about our huge and beautiful world you can start a surprisingly pleasant conversation. Ask your interlocutor about the places he has already visited and what he liked most about it. You can continue with a story about your own travels, about the people you met there, about the food you tried, about the sights you admired.

Even the most avid traveler will be captivated by your story of eating fried scorpions in one of the cafes in Cambodia. If your interlocutor has nothing special to brag about in terms of tourism, start speak first about where else you would like to go and ask a question about it.

#6 Ask about personal achievements

People love to talk about themselves. One's own experiences, which consist of ups and downs, make a person who he is today. As a rule, people are happy to talk about it. Even if your interlocutor is only taking the first steps career ladder, he will still have something to talk about, about difficult and fun moments of work, about an evil boss, etc.

If you and your interlocutor do not want to talk about work on the first date, forgive her for what you already know. For example, “I was told that you are great at making good cocktails. How did your culinary experience begin?

#7 Free time

Another good way to behave on a date is to talk about your free time. This is not just a neutral topic, but good method find out what your interlocutor likes and doesn’t like. Just by asking what he likes to do in free time you can understand whether it is worth inviting him to go to the shooting range, join him in rock climbing, or spend one of his dates on the dance floor. By the way, if there is a sudden pause next time, these topics can be used again.

You can start by talking about your preferences. “I recently completed one level of Hatha yoga and am planning to sign up for the next one. What do you like to do on the weekend? Perhaps after a new level of yoga, I will be able to tell you more about its benefits, and you will also want to take these classes.”

#8 Suggest joint activities

If you are in doubt about how to behave correctly on a date, you can suggest that your interlocutor do something together to talk less. This method will defuse the situation and will most likely lead you to new topic for conversation.

If the date is at a bar or restaurant, suggest going out dancing. While walking, you can treat a girl to ice cream or play a little word game.

Take inspiration from what you two are doing this moment surrounds if you can't think of it joint activities. For example, “Such quiet music here, like a lullaby. I like more active rhythms, what is your taste in music?

If none of the suggested tips help, try your last resort - a couple of cocktails. Perhaps after them you will still be able to talk. If this method does not produce results, most likely the two of you are not on the same path.

These eight simple tips on what to do on a first date are now always at your fingertips in any situation. But don’t worry if suddenly even they couldn’t help in your communication. It happens that two people simply cannot “connect” to each other on emotional level. In any case, try further, but with someone else.

1. Remember a few basic conversation starters. You don't need to have world-class speaking skills to have a good conversation with someone. It is enough to remember a few simple questions, which can be used to avoid awkward pauses.

   • Ask your new friend where he is from, how he met your mutual friend, and what he usually does in his free time.
   • You can always ask your close friend how things are going at work, how his family is doing, or what interesting he did last weekend.

2. Think ahead possible topics for conversation. Before you go to an event, have a few ideas ready to spice up the conversation. This will help with awkward pauses and you won't have to fumble for every possible word to continue the conversation.

   • It's easiest to talk to people who share your interests in sports or hobbies. IN in this case everything is very simple - talk about what interests you, it doesn’t matter whether it’s yesterday’s game or something you came up with new way crochet.
   • If you're talking to colleagues, think about topics related to the work, but not the process itself. For example, you could ask, “What do you think of our new dining room?”
   • Latest news, local events, famous and popular books and TV shows are always useful as a good fallback for conversation. Avoid talking about politics where people are not in the mood for vigorous discussion and debate.

3. Avoid flat, short answers. Simple yes/no answers are guaranteed to cause awkward pauses. Therefore, you should also avoid questions that lead to such short answers. If you do have to answer these types of questions, simply add to your answer and this will help keep the conversation afloat. For example, if you are asked if you like sports, don't just answer “yes” or “no.” Instead, justify your answer and give a personal example. You might answer something like: “Yes, I love skiing. I've been skiing since I was a child, and my favorite family memories are of snow-capped peaks. What sports do you like?”

   • Also avoid so-called conversational jams - answers that seem to put an end to the end of the conversation. For example, if you are talking about something funny and the other person says, “Yeah, that was fun,” don't just respond with a simple yes and a laugh. Instead, keep the conversation going. You can say the following: “Yes, it was definitely fun. But definitely not like the last time we dressed up as aliens, remember?”

4. Relieve tension. If you stress too much about the process of the conversation, you will probably be distracted from the essence of the conversation. Instead, be proactive and answer your partner's questions. Let the conversation take its course. If in any doubt, just take a deep breath and relax. The topics you have prepared are only necessary to keep the conversation going. If you have moved on to new subjects of discussion, then this is already a success!

   • Sooner or later, each of us faces awkward pauses. Try not to put it into perspective of great importance. This will only make the problem worse, but will not solve it.

5. Share information gradually. If you blurt out everything at once, then most likely the conversation will not last long. Instead, gradually introduce information about yourself into the conversation and give your partner time to do the same. This will certainly lengthen your conversation and minimize the number of awkward pauses.

   • If you find yourself talking about your work for a while, take a break and ask the other person: “What's new at work?” This way, you both have the opportunity to contribute equally to the conversation.

6. Be friendly. This will calm your interlocutor and promote conversation. Remember to smile and respect the other person's words. Accept your interlocutor, this will make him feel much more comfortable in a conversation with you, and thus prolong your conversation. Remember to give others the opportunity to speak. Good conversation depends on all participants, not just one.

   • Confirm what the other person is saying by repeating part of what they said. If you are told about your daughter’s illness, you may react as follows: “I’m very sorry to hear that. Colds are the worst. I remember when my son got sick too.” Not only will this help keep the conversation on track, but it will also show that you are listening and truly empathize with the other person.

7. End the conversation gracefully. Conversations don't last forever, so there's no shame in ending the conversation. If you often find yourself stuck in meaningless conversations or find it awkward to say goodbye, think about possible phrases that can help with this.

   • For example, if you bumped into a friend somewhere in public place, you can say: “Hello, Zhenya! You look great. I’m in a bit of a hurry, see you later, okay?”
   • Brief conversations on the phone or text: “Okay, I'm glad we discussed everything. See you later!"
   • In case of a long conversation at a social event, you can always end the conversation using the following words: “It was very nice to meet you/talk to you again.”

When lovers are nearby, no words are needed to simply enjoy each other's company. But you definitely need to talk on the phone, because awkward pauses create a feeling of understatement and anxiety.

It is even more important to know how not to remain silent on the phone if you are just starting to build a relationship with someone. And it doesn’t matter whether the conversation is business or intimate - in any case you need to understand what topics you can talk about in order to fill the minute of silence.

The phone is not for intimate conversations

Use the phone only to communicate news or arrange a date. All other topics should be discussed in person. When you look at your interlocutor, you can see his reaction, getting much more more information than when using only the hearing organ. In addition, when communicating face-to-face, it is easier to find a topic for discussion - talk about what you see around you.

Perhaps you have friends who are not averse to chatting on their mobile phones, wean them off this too. If they become offended, say that you want to invest much more into friendship than just heart-to-heart conversations.

As you meet more often, they will appreciate your efforts.

Listen to the other person If you cannot avoid long conversations, be extremely attentive to your interlocutor. Most often, awkward pauses appear when the topic of conversation does not interest one of you.

If you spent the last half hour telling something fascinating, and there was silence on the other end of the line, it means that you either overloaded the listener, or your story turned out to be irrelevant. Therefore, firstly, try to talk less and do not turn the dialogue into a monologue, and secondly, ask questions more often to find out the problems that concern him. React appropriately to the words of your interlocutor. You may not be interested in all of this, but be sure to show that you are actively listening.

For example, throw out remarks: “What are you talking about?”, “What’s next?”, “It can’t be, and what did you do?” and so on. If you are bored, try to take communication in a different direction, otherwise pauses cannot be avoided. At such moments, you need to take the initiative. If you're dating a shy guy and your relationship is just beginning, you should always have an interesting story to keep the conversation going. For example, you were asked the question: “How are you?” . Having answered it in monosyllables, you again throw the ball onto the field of another, and he will again have to come up with new question to a girl, for which he may not be ready, because he doesn’t know you at all yet. This is where the flirting ends. Tell him a little about what happened yesterday and today. Another option is to share what you read on the Internet today or discuss last news

, which may concern both of you. To always have something to tell, live a colorful life. The more impressions, communication with different people , the easier it will be to find necessary topics

. And there will definitely be no awkward pauses. Short but helpful advice

. Try to pause while talking. It is common for a person to speak too quickly when he is nervous or wants to impress someone. Don't make that mistake.

It will be much more interesting for the interlocutor. When Martin Luther King gave his famous speech, the crowd hung on his every word in rapt attention. It is not unusual that politicians always make good use of pauses.

Dilute your speech with pauses - and people will begin to listen to your words, because they will be overcome by curiosity: what will happen after the pause? Of course, there is no need to exaggerate either, but remember that caramels are always more pleasant to suck than to bite.

Bonus

Don't forget about proper breathing. Unfortunately, many people forget about this. Often in the presence of an attractive man or beautiful woman we begin to choke from excitement or simply forget to take a breath in time. Only relaxed deep breathing will help you remain calm at such an exciting moment.

Conversation with a stranger

How to start and maintain an interesting conversation

Let the situation decide for you

Forget all the Internet seduction methods and cheap pick-up guides. There are no magic phrases that can be memorized and used at every new meeting. The most interesting thing about a conversation is that you never know how it will turn out. It all depends on the people, their desires and the situation in which they met.

But any situation can be improved with the right first phrase.

It is best to comment on what a person is doing at the moment. If a girl is reading a movie poster, ask what she recommends watching. If she's looking at her perfect nails, praise her for taking such good care of them (but only if her nails are well-groomed—you should never lie when giving a compliment). The comment will be personal and to the point, which is much better than a banal compliment on someone’s butt.

Remember: don't invest too much deep meaning in the first sentence. Likewise, don't be upset if she doesn't give desired effect and the girl will respond by looking at you like you’re crazy. Don't react. You have more important things to do, like chatting with friends.

Bonus

Don't ask for forgiveness for being born. A confident person will never start a conversation with the phrase: “Sorry, I don’t want to disturb you, but...” Forget the words “sorry,” “excuse me,” “I won’t disturb you.” This puts you at an immediate disadvantage.