Humiliation. How to humiliate a person with a word: examples of phrases and behavior patterns

Culture

Most of our most vivid memories are associated with strong emotions, whether negative or positive. However, negative emotions usually remain longer, even when the event that caused them is long gone.

Now, researchers have collected evidence that The strongest human emotion is humiliation.

Psychologists Marte Otten(Marte Otten) and Kai Jonas(Kai Jonas) conducted two studies in which men and women read short stories, including different emotions And asked participants to imagine how they would feel in the presented scenarios.

The first study examined humiliation(for example, you meet a person you met via the Internet, and when he sees you, he turns around and leaves), anger(your roommate is having a party and breaking things in the room while you're away), and happiness(you will know that the person you have a crush on likes you).

The second study compared humiliation with anger and shame (you responded rudely to your mother and she cried).

Human humiliation

Scientists used an electroencephalogram to record the electrical activity of the brain. They were particularly interested in two measures indicating increases in cognitive processing and activation in the cortex.

The results showed that feelings of humiliation led to an increase in both indicators, which leads to increased information processing and greater consumption of mental resources.

This suggests that humiliation is a particularly strong and intense emotion that has long-lasting consequences.

Perhaps humiliation requires more mental processing, since it complex social emotion, in which we observe a loss of social status.

Humiliation: how to forget it?

Almost every person experiences a feeling of humiliation at least once in their life. Some people don't want to show themselves anymore after such incidents, but there are ways to cope with this feeling.

· Try find positive sides at the event. You may have been humiliated, but the person you didn't like didn't look their best either.

· If you are angry, find ways release anger. Go for a run or buy a stress ball. It is important not to keep everything inside, because this will make it even harder for you to come to terms with it and forget.

· Talk to a friend, whom you trust. He will be able to look at the situation impartially and tell you what to do next.

· Return to work or school and behave as usual. If you act strange, people will use it to tease you. Remember that people quickly forget things that have little to do with them.

· Learn laugh at yourself. This way you will deprive those who tease you of the pleasure.

· Remember, that time cures. You may think you'll never get over it, but the reality is that most people will forget about it after a few months.

In the eyes of other people. Humiliation can be done either intentionally, for example, for the purpose of self-affirmation, or, for example, as a method of education. Humiliation is a psychological trauma. Humiliation (humiliation) can cause neurosis.

Impact on the psyche

Humiliation is a serious blow to a person's well-being, since self-esteem and dignity in the eyes of others is an important moral value for a person. According to Maslow's pyramid of needs, these values are located at the fourth level. That is why, having experienced serious humiliation or a large number of long-term humiliation, a person often unconsciously tries by all means to avoid this in the future. Therefore, he unconsciously plays it safe, unconsciously expecting humiliation from any person. This causes disorganization of relations with society - leads to unsociability, anger, etc.

Humiliation has the greatest impact on a person’s personality in childhood, since during this period the formation of the base of ideas about the world and society occurs.

Humiliation: Fear and Pain

In humiliating circumstances human dignity, can happen to almost anyone: when faced with hooligans on the street, during conflicts in the family or at work, and in many other scenarios. Both words and actions can humiliate. If for one self-confident person they leave no trace, then for another they can crush and break morally. Verbal humiliation, as a rule, is based on a person’s failure in one area or another. For men, for example, hints that he is not able to provide for his family or is a “rag” can be humiliating, and for women - doubts about their attractiveness or ability to be a good housewife and mother.

Humiliation is especially acute in adolescence when the emotional background is still unstable and small life experience and the desire to assert oneself often prevent one from adequately assessing what is happening. When children are humiliated (unfortunately, many parents are guilty of this), the consequences can be very distant and unfavorable. In the first years of life, when a child is just forming the basic principles of perceiving the world around him, he runs the risk of not only getting sick, but also getting misconceptions about own strength and possibilities. Humiliation can not only lead to neurosis, but also disrupt the child’s ability to adequately evaluate himself and his actions, developing self-respect and forming self-esteem. Subsequently, children who experienced early years humiliation in the family, they can repeat a similar pattern of behavior, “taking it out” on their loved ones and descendants.

Many people who have experienced serious humiliation, or who have experienced it for a long time, may experience serious problems. Often, on an unconscious level, they try in any way to avoid a repetition of this in the future, starting to avoid communication and becoming antisocial. They play it safe and often don’t understand that they expect humiliation from others. IN similar cases the person also risks becoming embittered and cruel, compensating for his fears by humiliating others.

How to survive humiliation and become stronger

If an incident related to humiliation affects his self-esteem, and he cannot cope with the situation on his own, it is worth turning to psychologists for help. Sometimes the consequences of the humiliation experienced can be so serious that a person risks simply “breaking down”, ultimately gaining neither strength nor wisdom. Some experts recommend various ways, in order to “erase” an unpleasant incident from memory, visually imagining how the picture is washed away by water, or it simply melts, dissolving in water. You can imagine and concentrate on how the image on paper burns or break the screen on which the experience is “showed” with a huge hammer - from many options you just need to choose the most suitable one.

Having gotten rid of annoying memories that return a person to a state of humiliation, it is necessary to simultaneously work on self-esteem - try to remember the most successful and positive periods in life, “absorbing” a state of satisfaction, pride in oneself and confidence. It is important to identify all the factors and “clues” in the past that do not allow you to feel confident, and consistently eliminate them.

Humiliation is most often a purposeful behavior of a person, leading to a decrease in the level of value, significance and positive self-perception of another person. This can be done for a very conscious purpose or as a result of attempts to assert oneself at the expense of another. Humiliation can be a destructive form of education, or it can manifest itself as a personal trait that acquires a significant characterological influence.

For many, the pressing question is how to survive humiliation, since it is often the starting point for the development of pathological psychological states. The humiliation experienced can change a person’s behavior, causing him to play it safe and expect a blow to his own self-esteem. Humiliation has the most destructive impact in childhood, and affects the formation of subsequent reality and ways of contacting it.

Children who are often subjected to humiliation can grow up to be insecure and complex individuals who are afraid to take on any task and consider themselves unworthy of love, support, and rewards. But development can also occur according to the principle of counteraction, and then such a child, becoming an adult, begins to apply a humiliating strategy of behavior to everyone around him; for him there are no limits and exceptions, since this is the norm for his picture of the world. To regain an adequate response to the world after a severe, complete humiliation of childhood, years of therapy are needed.

What is humiliation

Humiliation stands on back side from arrogance, and the more arrogant a person is, the more inclined he is to humiliate others. The desire to show oneself in a favorable light knows no bounds, and if this requires denigration of others, then it will be done.

The feeling of humiliation serves as a kind of regulator of social relationships. By humiliating another, society or a specific person sends a message about shortcomings and failure to meet expectations.

The humiliation of a woman by a man is perceived so painfully in part because it is practically a direct text about her inconsistency with his ideas. Need modern man in social acceptance is practically tantamount to survival, therefore any humiliation from society is perceived as a personal threat to existence.

If a person is very high opinion about himself, considers himself right everywhere, then a collision with his own inconsistency and humiliation can become a fatal test for him. It is precisely because of the large difference between social perception and one’s own that an entire personal structure and perception of the world as such can collapse. People who evaluate themselves adequately and critically, treat their own shortcomings with humor, and are practically not subject to humiliation.

Humiliation can also be divided according to its source of origin. Thus, other people can humiliate, deliberately reducing a person’s merits, showing how much better and more successful they are. This is conscious humiliation, purposeful and is a factor of influence from the outside. But internal preconditions for self-humiliation are also possible, when a person perceives the successes of others as his own failure, when he deliberately downplays his own contribution or successes. For such a character, to feel humiliation, one does not need external factors, the person copes on his own. If such a trait is not developed, then even the special influence of others in attempts to lower self-esteem may be unsuccessful.

Why does a man humiliate a woman?

Humiliation of a woman by a man happens quite often, many consider it the norm and pass it by, some fight desperately, but in order to counteract similar phenomenon, it is necessary to understand the reasons for its occurrence.

One of the reasons for such male behavior may be an unconscious response to female humiliation, screaming, insults or claims. Negative statements have a very strong impact on the male psyche and immediately trigger defense mechanisms. Sometimes this can mean going on the defensive and remaining silent all evening, and sometimes the temperature of the situation is so heightened that the man immediately launches a retaliatory attack.

Any humiliation is aimed at and, and the best revenge would be to disrupt such plans, that is, you need to organize your life in order to be as happy, successful and independent from your husband’s attacks and caustic statements as possible. If he resorts to humiliation, it means that other methods have run out, and the ineffectiveness of this method will make him fight in hysterics. Many people end the relationship after this, unable to recognize the other’s right to their choice and happiness, but there are also those who realize the limits of their capabilities and enter into an open dialogue.

Why does a wife humiliate her husband?

In many ways, the reasons why women humiliate their husbands are the same as men's. This primarily includes the system of relationships in the parental family and the adopted upbringing style. Perhaps if not in family tradition, and further in public places(school, college, work) a woman was subjected to frequent humiliation, then this style communication she will spread and carry further in her life.

Many, thus, receive emotional release, relieve excess tension or receive the missing attention. After a debacle at work, a woman may well react too strongly to her husband's shortcomings. Doubts and a decrease in self-esteem can also be perceived as quite painful and require drastic measures of recovery. And if at this moment there are no suitable conditions to pamper and appreciate yourself, to raise your level, then this is achieved by lowering the level of another. Carrying out such manipulations with people you barely know can be dangerous, but with those closest to you they open up ample opportunities. In justification, we can say that such tendencies work unconsciously and disappear when the provoking factors are corrected.

Conscious motives for humiliating a husband may include inherited communication control systems. Many women believe that if a man is constantly praised, he will relax and not do anything, degrading personally and morally. In this case, humiliation is a perverted way of caring and demonstrating love and desire for every development of the spouse. It is difficult to predict what results this will have. A person with adequate self-esteem and brought up in a prosperous family is unlikely to become long time tolerate such treatment. And for someone who has been humiliated since childhood, this can become a familiar and familiar form of interaction, the only one that is understandable.

A woman can also humiliate a man if she is unhappy, angry or receives little attention. That is, globally, it is not he who is actually bad, but she is so bad that she wants to blame her husband for it. But humiliation can also manifest itself when there is no longer any love, respect, or value for what he does for the husband. Usually this behavior can no longer be corrected, and the marriage gradually dies.