Georgian toast. Long Happy Birthday Toasts

A funny toast is always welcome: it could be a birthday loved one, anniversary, corporate event or just a get-together of friendly company. Cool humorous congratulations or the statement will be remembered by all guests. This collection contains both short and long toasts that will make your holiday more fun.

A wealthy businessman decided to get married and turned to a marriage office to find him a lady from high society.
- Beautiful, naturally? – asked the marriage agent.
- Certainly. Such that one could say about her that she seemed to have stepped out of a painting,” the businessman clarified his desire.
After the bureau arranged a meeting for him, he burst into the marriage office, sputtering with indignation:
– I asked you: beautiful, like in a picture. And who are you giving me: ears like burdocks, nose sticking out onto my lip, eyes slanted.
“Sir, don’t make so much noise,” one of the agents turned to him. - It's a matter of taste. Some people like Raphael, and some are crazy about Picasso.
So let's drink to the variety of tastes that don't argue about.

A turtle is swimming along the river with a snake sitting on its back.
The snake thinks:
- If I bite you, it will throw you off!
The turtle thinks:
- If I throw it away, it will bite!
So let's drink to faithful female friendship, which helps to overcome all obstacles!

Country yard. In the corner, a rooster is actively courting a hen. And at this time a Georgian comes out onto the porch. He has a bag of seeds in his hand, which he lazily gnaws. Then he picks up a handful and throws it on the ground. The rooster, noticing the seeds, leaves his girlfriend and begins to peck them. The Georgian, seeing this scene, sadly shook his head: “God forbid you go hungry like that!”
I suggest you drink to the abundance!

– Stop being picky! - the wife says to her husband at dinner. – On Monday you ate mashed peas for lunch, on Tuesday and Wednesday too, on Thursday you agreed, but today you suddenly became capricious.
Let's drink to our housewives feeding us not only pea puree, but also the same dishes that now decorate this table!

One no longer young woman was asked if she remembered her first man. “A man - I don’t remember when - I don’t remember, but I remember that ... a barrel organ!” Let's drink to the hope that all our men, regardless of name and other circumstances, will be simply charming!

The lover brings three cinema tickets.
- Why three? – my friend was surprised.
- What do you mean why? For your mother, for your father and for your brother.
Let's drink to the ability of men to achieve privacy!

Excavator Masha dug a pit and unearthed a tomb Egyptian pharaoh. The lid of the sarcophagus moved, and Masha saw a young handsome prince. He looked as if he were alive. Masha could not stand it and kissed the prince. And a miracle happened - the prince came to life. – How can I thank you, Masha? – asked the young pharaoh. – Do you want me to fulfill any seven of your wishes? “I don’t need seven wishes,” said Masha, one wish is better, but seven times... The pharaoh agreed, but died on the fifth visit. So let's drink to the excavator Masha, who did not allow the slave system to be revived!

Two friends meet.
– Are you happy with your husband? – asks one of them.
– I’m so happy... We love each other so deeply that we have already postponed the divorce several times...
Let's drink to strong love!

A woman is created to make a man happy, no matter where this unfortunate man hides. So let's drink so that our happiness always finds us!

Women gathered for the International Congress. For three days they talked and talked, without any agenda, quarreled, argued... Finally, they decided:
1. All men are bastards.
2. There is not enough space in the closet.
3. There is absolutely nothing to wear.
Let's drink to ensure that our women never come to such conclusions.

There is a mountain of Love in Asia. Many legends are associated with it. Listen to one of them. One day, a young shepherd and a princess fell in love with each other and ran away from home. They immediately rushed in pursuit. The lovers climbed this mountain. They were about to be overtaken. And then the young man said to the princess: “Let me jump first, and then you decide what to do next.” But the princess refused, because she could not bear such torment. And she was the first to rush down and, of course, crashed. The shepherd looked at her lifeless body and simply descended from the Mountain of Love. So let's drink to the men who are still the first to leave the elevator!

The victim's case was heard in one of the courts.
“Are you saying that the accused took the money right out of your bra?” – asked the judge.
“Yes, Your Honor,” the victim replied.
- So why didn’t you resist? – the judge was surprised.
- I thought he was with good intentions, - the upset girl shrugged her shoulders!
So let's drink to men with good intentions!

I propose a toast to the Greens! Do you think this toast is dedicated to frogs? No! And not Greenpeace! I want to drink this glass so that we can have lots and lots of greens! In short, for bucks, which would have been too tight to lie in our pockets and we kept them in big, big bags in the cellar and... But for some reason I was completely daydreaming, babbling, because it was high time for a drink! For the green ones!

Sold at the kiosk Greeting Cards with the inscription: “To my only, beloved for life.” A young man came up:
– Please give me a dozen of these postcards.
So let's drink to the peculiar masculine logic!

To show that he doesn't waste money budget resources, the mayor put a gas cylinder on his Lamborghini. So let's drink to reasonable savings!

An old woman goes to the next world and thinks where to go: to heaven or to hell? “Of course, in heaven it’s good, the climate, but in hell there’s society, men again.” As you understand, good society reconciles with the inconveniences of life.
Let's drink to the pleasant company of pleasant men!

A man in Odessa stops a taxi and asks to take him to Lozinskaya. Sits down. A sharp start, then they drive a little and suddenly stop. The driver opens the door: “Lozinskaya!” The man is perplexed: “Why didn’t you tell me right away?” The driver explains: “I thought you wanted it in style.”
Let's drink to the men who love to do everything in style!

One day Alyonushka and her brother Ivanushka were walking through the forest. Ivanushka wanted to drink some water and looked at the hoof marks on the ground, and there was water in them.
“I’ll drink from a horse’s hoof,” says Ivanushka.
“Don’t drink,” Alyonushka answers, “you’ll become a foal.”
“I’ll drink from a cow’s hoof,” says Ivanushka.
“Don’t drink,” Alyonushka answers, “you’ll become a calf.”
“I’ll drink from a goat’s hoof,” Ivanushka insisted.
“Don’t drink,” Alyonushka answers, “you’ll become a little goat.”
Ivanushka did not listen, drank plenty from the hooves, and did not turn into anyone. I just suffered with my stomach for a week. So let's drink to never getting drunk to the point of losing your human appearance!

Ladies consider men who only blow air kisses to be lazy people who shirking real work. So let's drink to the men who are not afraid of any work!

One night I was walking through the park: the moon, the stars, and a guy and a girl kissing on a bench. I go another time: the moon, the stars... and the same guy on the same bench kisses another girl. I go next time: night, moon, stars... and the same guy, on the same bench with a third girl.
So let's drink to the constancy of men and the fickleness of women!

A student goes to an exam. He thinks: “If I pass, I’ll get drunk, if I don’t pass, I’ll get drunk.” I bought a bottle. He put it in his jacket pocket and went to surrender. He pulled out a ticket... Teacher:
-What is this in your pocket?
- Yes, nothing.
- No, no, no! Get it.
The student takes out a bottle, the teacher takes out a glass. He pours himself a glass and drinks it in one gulp:
- Fine. Pickle There is?
- No.
- It's a pity. Or it could have been “excellent,” the teacher fills out the record book.
Let's drink to the right approach!

Two friends met:
- Why are you so upset?
- asks one.
- Yes, Larisa from the house management said that I was a fool.
“Don’t worry about it,” her friend reassures her, “I found someone to listen to, Lariska!” She doesn’t have her own opinion at all, she just repeats what everyone else is saying!
Let's drink to sensitive friends who know how to calm down!

Are you wondering how a wife keeps her husband? Georgian – patience, black woman – skill, Greek – beauty, Armenian – food, French – figure, American – deed, Italian – luxury, Jewish – scream, Japanese – grace, Russian – court.
So let's drink to us, to the Russian peasants, who now, in the era of democracy, cannot be restrained by anything!

Three wizards once argued about who could fly around the world the fastest. One waved his hand, hit the ground with his forehead, turned like a hawk and flew forward. Another wizard waved his hand, hit his forehead on the ground, turned into a falcon and rushed after him. The third waved his hand, hit his forehead on the ground, received a concussion and a fracture of the base of his skull. So let's drink to always soberly assessing your capabilities!

A man sits in a boat in the middle of the lake, fishing. It sits for a long time... Doesn’t bite.
“God,” the man prayed, “send me at least one big fish!
Tiger shark emerges:
- Well…?
So let's drink to a well-written technical assignment!

When asked who you love more - blondes or brunettes, a real man must answer:
- Yes!
So let's drink to real men!

The teacher asks the student:
– If you have 10 thousand in one pocket and 20 thousand rubles in the other, what does this mean?
The student, without hesitation, answers:
- This means that I was wearing someone else's pants!
Let's drink so that we have money in every pocket! And there was money on the book! And may we live happily ever after!

The distribution of men and women should occur according to the following principle: to each according to ability, to each according to work. Let's not drink to our capable women. Let's better drink to the workaholic men!

What's the difference between a faithful and an unfaithful man? Huge. The faithful sometimes have remorse. So let's drink so that remorse does not torment faithful husbands!

Everyone is women, and we are goddesses,
And the size of our bodies does not matter.
Let those who didn't get us cry
Let those who did not want us die!

My dear friends! I want to raise a toast to our men, to those who are always there! R-I-D-O-M, I said it!

The girl was walking down the street and heard footsteps behind her. Looking back, she saw handsome guy. She looked back again - he continued to follow her. I decided to meet him, looked back for the third time - he was no longer there...
So let's drink to the fact that the city's sewer manholes are closed on time!

So that you have as many enemies as there are drops left in a glass you drink to the bottom. May you experience all the horrors of a captured beast, a train crash, the torture of racketeers, the torment of a prisoner sentenced to a watchtower, but only from the TV screen that you won in the Field of Miracles. So that one day you get stung by a bee, and out of surprise you jump so high that you set a new world record. So that in the apartment where you were having a tete-a-tete conversation with a charming woman, the lights suddenly went out, and you finally found mutual language. So that a little drummer will settle in your one-room apartment, and for his tricks you will be moved into a comfortable 3-room apartment. So that you in New Year's Eve, when everyone is celebrating, they sent you until the morning to dig a hole in which you will find a treasure!

A ram stands by the river bank and looks. Suddenly a luxury car pulls up and a gorgeous woman gets out. The ram stands and watches.
The beauty undresses, the ram stands and watches.
A woman is bathing - a ram is watching.
The beauty comes out of the water - the ram looks, the woman gets dressed - the ram still looks. She is leaving. The ram continues to watch.
Let's drink so that our men do not become like such sheep!

Dinosaurs - he and she - look at each other. He gently said to her: “Uh-oh.” She retorts, “N-uh-uh!” And this went on for many years. He couldn't stand it:
- Duh, we’ll die out!
And they died out! So let's drink to beautiful treatment, mutual attraction and childbearing!

Suddenly the husband returns from a business trip, knocks on the door - they don’t open it, knocks again - they don’t open it, knocks a third time - his wife opens the door, joyfully throws herself on his neck and says:
- Dear, how glad I am that you have finally arrived, otherwise I was only expecting you tomorrow!
That's all. Five or six years pass, one day the husband hugs his wife and says:
- Kitten, remember, once, a long time ago, I returned from a business trip, I knocked on the door - and you still didn’t open it, what were you doing there?
The wife jumps up and shouts:
- Oh my God! Oh my God!
He opens the closet door and a skeleton falls out. So let's drink, gentlemen, so that our beloved women remember us more often!

Do you know how a fairy tale differs from a fairy tale? The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.
So let's drink to make our life like a fairy tale.

A wise man once said, “Don’t be so dry that you break. But don’t be so wet that they wring you out like a rag.” Let's drink to the fact that our holiday sky will be partly cloudy, but without precipitation, with an air temperature near zero and a bottled water temperature of 30 to 40 degrees!

Friends! Let's drink to our enemies. So that they have everything: a country villa, a luxury car in the garage, Persian carpets, a swimming pool, a fireplace, and of course, a satellite phone that they can only call on 01, 02 and 03!

A man is walking through the desert, simply dying of thirst. A man stands in his way and sells ties:
- Buy a tie!
- Why do I need a tie? I would buy at least a sip of water from you.
And he moved on. He walked for a long time, suddenly a restaurant came across his way. A man, unable to feel his legs under him, rushes towards this restaurant, and on its door hangs a sign: “No entry without a tie.”
I want to drink to prudent men!

Who loves the languid moon,
Who - a stranger's wife,
Who is to speak, who is to listen.
But who, referring to the whole world,
Don't like to eat well?
For the dear hostess!

Three poplars were found on Plyushchikha: poplar, Eduard Poplar and the “Topol M” plant.
One showered everyone with his sticky fluff, another began to spew unconventional language, and the third threatened to deal a crushing blow if the first two did not stop quarreling.
I suggest you drink to your ability to have a constructive conversation and find a common language!

A husband and wife standing by the window are having a conversation:
“You see how caring someone’s husband is – he even takes the laundry off the line himself,” says the wife.
“He’s a caring man, but by the way, he takes off our underwear,” the husband replies.
So let's drink to attentive husbands!

One day, on a fast night train from Milan to Rome, a cute Italian woman and a young American man found themselves in the same compartment. Beautiful lady proposed young man to pass the time on the road, tell interesting stories. Since it was her suggestion, she naturally told the first story.
Here she is. A long time ago, on a stormy rainy night, a young maiden knocked on the door of the hermit. She was beautiful, all in white, and the hermit gave her his meager cell, while he went to spend the night in the closet.
After some time, a knock was heard at the hermit’s gate, and a young handsome knight asked the hermit for shelter. The hermit told him:
“I am poor and a sire, and in my only cell there is a young maiden. You can share a room with her or spend the night in a stable with a donkey.”
To this the knight replied: “I am a knight!” - and stayed overnight in the barn.
The night has passed. The knight asked the hermit in the morning for something to eat. The hermit grinned: “Sir, you are an ass! Eat some oats."
The young American found this story funny, and he told the beautiful signora a lot of other stories. interesting stories and jokes, and she told him.
The road flew by quickly, and when the train arrived in Rome in the morning, the signora gave the young man a small silver dollar. The American was surprised and asked: “Why?”, and the beauty sincerely laughed: “Buy oats with this dollar.”
So let's drink to never being given a small silver dollar!

One day in the desert a man found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie flew out of the lamp:
– I am a powerful genie, and I will fulfill any three of your wishes!
- Fine. I want a lot of money!
No sooner said than done. The genie hands the man a credit card.
– I want a huge house with a harem, where there are many women!
And the genie did it. Hands over the keys to the house.
- I want three more wishes!
- Uh, man, no. There is no way I can do this. According to tradition, one genie can only grant three wishes.
- Okay, then I want three more gins!
Let's wish our birthday boy to find more genies to help him!

Judge:
– Defendant, explain to the court why you robbed the same store three times in a row?
Defendant:
“You see, citizen judge, the first time I took my wife’s dress there, and then she forced me to change it several more times!”
Let's drink to the perseverance of our wives!

It is said that when God sculpted people from clay, he had a lot of spare parts left. In one corner lay long legs, a short skirt and flapping eyes. When God turned away, the whole thing giggled and ran off to drink coffee - that’s how the secretaries appeared.
In another corner lay a tie, a cell phone, a formal suit and a briefcase. When God was distracted, the suit tied his tie, took the briefcase, talked on the phone, said in a deep voice: “I’ll be there soon,” and left in an unknown direction. This is how the bosses appeared. And in the third corner lay a large pile of brains, a lot of hair and jeans. When God left for lunch, all this stood up and thoughtfully wandered to the nearest computer - that’s how the programmers appeared.
So let's drink to our hero of the day, a representative of the most intellectual profession!

Some joker got under New Year Santa Claus' fur coat and beard. He dressed up and, rejoicing that he could amuse his wife, rang the doorbell of his apartment. His wife opened it and, before he had time to utter a word, she threw herself on his neck, began to kiss him passionately and took him into the bedroom. And there, like a madwoman, she indulged in passionate love with “Santa Claus.” Taking advantage of the small respite, the husband threw off his false beard and mustache. And then he heard his wife’s voice:
- Well, it’s you! And I didn’t recognize you at all!
So let's raise a toast to real men who know how to throw a party for their wife too!

One doctor explained this to his beloved: “The ulcer of my heart, you caused deep wound my soul, your radiant eyes burned through my essence. My mind is weakening, like my stomach from taking a double laxative. Have pity on me, be a plaster of my soul and a balm of suffering.” Dear women, be the plasters of our souls and the balm of suffering!

The inscription on the bottle of Otard cognac reads:
“Baron Otard fought a lot, but was completely ruined. And with the last money I bought a castle and organized cognac production.”
SO LET WE HAVE SO MUCH LAST MONEY!

If the mountain does not come to Mohammed, then Mohammed goes to the mountain. If the man you like doesn't notice you, borrow a lot of money from him so that all he can think about is you. Let's drink to generous men!

Grandmother teaches her granddaughter:
– Every girl should have only one great love in her life.
Granddaughter is interested in:
- And how, did you have great love?
- Certainly. I have loved the military all my life.
For the only love in life!

To kill you... at 150 years old, a young jealous man, and his jealousy was not in vain!

Article added: 2008-04-17

This page contains toasts that I used to write down in my notebook. They very often help out, because when visiting, sitting at the table, you constantly have to say wishes...

1. This toast is usually said to men:

Who does a man sleep with in his life: up to 5 years - with a pacifier, from 5 to 10 - with a teddy bear, from 10 to 15 - with a book, from 15 to 20 - with a dream, from 20 to 30 - with his wife, from 30 to 40 - with someone else's, from 40 to 50 - with anyone, from 50 to 60 - with a heating pad, from 60 to 70 - with a closed window.
So let's drink to the fact that the window closes as late as possible!

2. This toast will improve the mood of everyone around you:

Let's drink to those on board! Whoever is overboard will get drunk himself!

3. And this is a purely feminine toast:

Let's drink to us, beautiful ones. Well, if we are not beautiful, then the men are greedy!

4. This toast is addressed to men:

Let's drink to real men who can stand up for themselves and lie down for others!

5. Cool toast with a logical conclusion:

Once upon a time there lived an old woman, and she had a very fat cat. Once this old woman went to get water. Scooped it up with a bucket and caught it goldfish. The fish tells her in a human voice: “Let me go, grandma, back to the river. I will fulfill any three of your wishes.” The old woman released a fish and first wished to become rich. Instantly her wish came true. She wished then to become young. Immediately this wish came true. Then, in order not to live alone, the rejuvenated old woman asked the fish to find her a betrothed. And she sees that instead of a fat, fat cat, a handsome, stately cat stands in front of her. good fellow. And he says to her: “Well, grandma, do you regret now that you took me to the veterinarian?”

Let's drink to everything going as usual!

6. And everyone has probably heard this toast; it is from the famous film about the adventures of Shurik:

My great-grandfather said: “I have a desire to buy a house, but I don’t have the opportunity. I have the opportunity to buy a goat, but I have no desire.”

So let's drink to ensure that our desires coincide with our capabilities.

7. Toast with a twist:

Don't drink water if you can drink wine!
Don't drink wine if you can drink good wine!
Don't drink good wine when you can drink very good wine!
And most importantly, don’t forget to drink so that you always have money for something better!

8. And this toast is pronounced when the first glass is raised:

Goodbye! We won't see you sober today!

9. Toast wish:

How is a fairy tale different from a fairy tale?
The fairy tale is when he married a frog, and she turned out to be a princess. But reality is when it’s the other way around.

So let's drink to make your life look like a fairy tale!

10. Short and clear:

Nothing is valued so cheaply and nothing is so expensive as time. So let's not waste time and have a drink!

11. The toast is funny, but with meaning:

The hare sits on a stump and screams at the top of his lungs:

I am strong! I am strong!
The wolf walked by and hit the hare with his paw. Kosoy rolled to the side and, stroking the bruised area, said:
- But easy...

I propose to drink so that we can correctly assess our capabilities!

12. Toast for Thought:

One wise man said: “The most amazing thing about a person is that he often grieves over the lost state, but as his life passes, he is not upset.”
Let us raise a toast so that every day of our lives may pass brightly and profitably.

13. A toast in poetic form, addressed to wives, pronounced by a woman:

When the wife - good wife,
She is my husband's best friend.
My toast to your wives!
For their charm, loyalty and charm...
For that we will say “thank you”!

14. And this is a toast-wish in poetic form:

Fifty is the flowering of life,
And you will bloom for another century!
Do years really matter?
If a person is young at heart?

15. If you want to be smart, then this toast is just right:

"Metron Ariston" (The main thing is measure) - said the ancient Romans. And they added; “Shouldn’t we measure out one more?..”

16. A heartfelt toast to the lady of the house:

In the east they say: “A woman shines - the whole house shines. The woman is sad - the whole house is immersed in darkness.”
Let's drink to the lovely hostess, whose radiance has warmed both this house and our company!

17. Sage's advice:

One wise man said: “Don’t be so dry that you break, but don’t be so wet that you are wrung out like a rag.”
Let's drink to the golden mean!

18. A toast can be pronounced both by a man (which is highly appreciated by women) and by women (you must somehow draw attention to yourself, your beloved!):

One woman's copper coin fell into a crack. To get it, you had to lift the entire floor. It wasn’t worth doing this because of such a trifle, but the owner didn’t want to lose money either. She slipped a hundred-ruble note into the same slot. Now I don’t mind removing all the boards.
Let's drink to women's intelligence!

19. Toast wishes for a friend:

Dacha is zero. A car with a garage is zero. The apartment is zero. Money is also zero. Health is a unit.
So let's drink so that you have a one with all zeros.

20. And this toast can be addressed not only to others, but also to yourself:

Raising a glass:
- Goodbye reason! Will see you tomorrow!

21. A toast for those who have more than enough modesty:

Let's drink to good people, because there are so few of us left.

22. An intriguing toast, pronounced by a man and for men:

Let's drink to the most beautiful, smart, charming, so to speak, to the fair sex that adorns this planet, in short, to us, men!

23. The toast is a little philosophical:

In youth it seems that happiness is ahead, in old age it seems that happiness is behind. How not to miss it? Probably the best thing is to enjoy the present.
Behind currently, friends, and for you;

24. The toast is made by a woman, and for women:

Let's drink to the best that men have - to us, to women!

25. Toast with meaning:

One day three wanderers were walking. Night caught them on the way. They saw the house and knocked. The owner opened the door for them and asked: “Who are you?” - Health, Wealth and Love, Let us in for the night.
- It's a pity, but we only have one free place. I’ll go and consult with my family about which of you to let in.
The sick mother said: “Let's let Health in!” The wife insisted on Wealth. And the daughter demanded Love. And while they were arguing, the wanderers disappeared...
So let's drink to the fact that in our homes there will always be a place for Health, and for Wealth, and for Love!

The most beautiful thing in a woman is motherhood. This is warmth, amulet, care... Touching, talking with children - everything breathes beauty. Even the mother’s very being looks different, because her babies, teenagers and adult children give her wings. And when the moment comes to let them go, they give an equally important honor - thanking them with their grandchildren. For the beauty of motherhood!

Let's drink so that none of us will be disappointed in life. So that the fire of love and thirst for everything good, kind and bright in this world would burn in every heart. So that everyone sees a bright target before failure, as if North Star in the night sky!

Unfortunately, more and more often people gather for such fun and pleasant meetings only on important and special occasions! So I want to invite us all to raise our glasses and drink so that our cheerful meetings do not depend on any reasons, and especially on finances, so that we can meet whenever we want! For us!

They say that everyone experiences a feeling of uncertainty and fear the moment they can change their life. So let's drink so that no feelings can stop us from accepting, correct solution to change your destiny for the better. Let the shadow of doubt recede when necessary and let common sense never leaves!

Friends, I propose to drink to the hope that joy will never end in our world, that smiles will be everywhere, and that the soul will sing with happiness. So that the days are clear, sunny, cheerful, and that problems are only in films!

May your life be like an ocean, as full and eventful. The weather in it will always be clear, the wind will be on the course, and your ship, not knowing the calm, will never lose course and has never experienced holes or mutiny!

I want to raise a glass
For happiness.
For a sea of ​​joy and love.
So that all bad weather can be avoided.

For a sea of ​​money on the way,
May a ray of light be with you.
For the courage of the days lived
So that luck is ahead.

Here's to bright paths for life.
Moments of joy
Which are destined to pass.
And for love there are minutes ahead.

Somewhere in a wonderful valley of flowers, a very rare multi-colored tulip bloomed. There is only one like this in the world. I wish you to be just like him, dazzlingly beautiful and irresistible!

Greek philosophers said that the reflection of a person’s life is in his actions, his behavior and manners. I would like to wish you to act as your heart tells you, to behave in public like a king or queen. Remember that people are defined by their actions.

Let's drink to beauty. For everything that gives us joy in life and gives it meaning! For this wonderful day and the people gathered at this table!

In the beautiful country of India there lived a padishah who had three wives. The padishah had an astrologer who predicted his fate. One day the padishah invites an astrologer to his place and says:
- You have lived with me for a long time and have always correctly predicted my fate. For this I wanted to thank you. Choose any of my wives!
The astrologer approaches the first wife and asks:
- Tell me, how much is two and two?
“Three,” she answers.
"What a thrifty wife!" - thought the astrologer.
The second one answered the same question:
- Four.
"What a smart wife!" - thought the astrologer.
The third replied:
- Five.
"What a generous wife!" - thought the astrologer.
Which wife did the astrologer choose?
After a pause:
- Nobody guessed right! He chose the most beautiful one!
So let's drink, friends, to our beautiful ladies!

Once upon a time there lived two friends - Vasya and Vanya.
And it so happened that Vasya went to the army, and Vanya stayed
in civilian life. Vasya returned after two years, comes
to Vanya, and he didn’t waste his time, opened a company,
earned a lot of money, married a beauty.
Vasya asks - take me to your company, but Vanya refused him.
Then Vasya was offended and decided to go to his parents in another city.
But before boarding the train, an old man approaches him
and asks: “Pass me, dear man, the parcel. Well, if not
No one will meet you, so take it for yourself." Vasya took the parcel,
but no one met him at the destination station. Unfolded
then it’s a bundle, and it’s full of dollars!
Vasya opened a company with this money, things went well, but
Only six months passed, and he became very ill.
And no doctors could help him.
And just when he was completely desperate, an old woman came to him,
and gave him the medicine. He drank it, and he felt better,
and soon he completely recovered. Over time
he met a beautiful girl and invited her to become
his wife. And then at his wedding he sees Vanya.
"How dare you appear here, such a bastard, when
You left me in trouble!” Vasya shouts.
“I didn’t leave you in trouble,” says Vanya,
- you came poor to me rich, and I could not take
you to my work, because then we would be
not equal. You didn't have money - and my father gave it to you.
You were sick - and my mother cured you. And now
you will marry my sister." So let's drink to strong male friendship!

There lived a pack of wolves in the jungle. The leader was very old.
And when the pack had to go hunting, the leader said that he was not able to
lead the pack. A young, strong wolf came out of the pack, approached the leader and
asked him to allow him to lead the flock. The old wolf agreed
and the flock went in search of food. A day later the flock came
from hunting with prey. The young wolf told the leader that they had attacked
seven hunters and easily killed them. It's time for the pack
go hunting again, and the young wolf led her. The pack was gone for a long time.
And then the old wolf saw a young wolf covered in blood. He
told the leader that the pack attacked three people, and the survivors
he was the only one left. The old wolf asked in surprise: - But
after all, on the first hunt he killed seven armed hunters,
and everyone returned safe and with booty? To this the young wolf replied:
- Then there were just seven hunters, and
this time there were three best friend. So let's drink to friendship!

One small but very smart horseman listened to the group " Pink Floyd". He listened and listened, but did not understand anything. And then he created the group "Aquarium".
One small but very smart horseman listened to the group "Aquarium". I listened and listened, but did not understand anything. And then he created the group “Chizh and Company”.
One small but very smart horseman listened to the group “Chizh and Company”. I listened and listened, but did not understand anything. And then he created the group “Ivanushki International”.
So let's drink to evolution!

Vano is walking through the big desert. Suddenly Vano hears terrible scream. Vano sees the entrance to dark cave. Vano enters the cave. He walks and walks... Suddenly he sees: a Phoenix bird sitting with its bare backside on a hot frying pan and screaming. Vano asks:
- Listen, Phoenix bird, why are you sitting with your bare butt on a hot frying pan and yelling?
- Wow, Vano! If I hadn’t sat with my bare bottom on a hot frying pan and screamed, then who would have paid attention to me?
So let's drink to our women, who don't have to sit with their bare bottoms on a hot frying pan and scream just to get attention!

A hare runs through the forest and sees a crow sitting on the top of a tree.
- Crow. What are you doing there? - he asks. - Nothing. - she answers. - Just sitting.
-Can I just sit too? “Sit down,” says the crow.
The hare sat on a branch. He folded his paws and closed his eyes.
He sits and does nothing. A fox ran past. I saw a hare.
She extended her paw, grabbed it and ate it. “Poor hare,” thought the crow.
- Nobody told him that only those who have risen high can do nothing. We wish the young people to work hard. Rise high. And there they will decide for themselves what to do: whether to sit back or move on

One old but wise parable:
A long time ago, in an ancient city there lived a Master, surrounded by disciples. The most capable of them once thought: “Is there a question that our Master could not answer?” He went to a flowering meadow and caught the most beautiful butterfly and hid it between his palms. The butterfly clung to his hands with its paws, and the student was ticklish. Smiling, he approached the Master and asked:
- Tell me, what kind of butterfly is in my hands: alive or dead?
He held the butterfly tightly in his closed palms and was ready at any moment to squeeze them for the sake of his truth.
Without looking at the student’s hands, the Master answered:
- All in your hands.

The Baltic peoples have this belief.
If a child is born into a family, then 100 devils are born with him.
When a child turns one year old, one angel appears, and there are devils in him
becomes one less. And so year after year: the number of angels grows, and the devils
gets smaller. If a person is fifty, this means that he has only
50 devils, but 50 angels appeared. Today we have before us a man who is half
half devils, half angels! And every year the angelic principle will be all in it
prevail more! But I propose to drink to today's birthday boy, in whom the dark
and the light forces are mutually balanced!

The distinguished guests gathered at the table.
And the woman asked: “What is love?”
One woman says: “Love is probably a disease.”
The doctor stands up: “No, this is not a disease, because it is excreted a large number of energy.
Most likely, this is work." The architect stands up: "Well, what kind of work is this?
After all, everything is so perfect. It's more like art." The art critic stands up: "Yes
no. Art needs an audience. And this happens one on one. It's more of a process."
The lawyer stands up: “What a process this is when both parties are satisfied. It’s more like a science.”
An old professor stands up: “What kind of science is this when every young student can
but I, an old professor, can’t!” So ​​let’s drink to the eternal students in love!!!

A correspondent arrives at the collective farm and sees the following scene:
Old people are sitting on the rubble in deep thought. - What are you thinking about? -
he asks them. “We can’t solve one problem,” they answer.
- When a child is born, God comes down to earth and kisses the baby.
If he kisses on the forehead, he will become a scientist; if on the lips, he will become a singer; if in the hands
- an artist, if at the feet - a dancer... So we sit and think where God kissed our
chairman? Where God kissed our birthday boy is clear, in my opinion, to everyone.
Just in case, I remind you: he has three children! So, here's to the birthday boy!

Strong as a birch ridge, little forest man,
pumped up with health and natural desires, while walking around I discovered
There is a little mermaid on the sand by the river. Compared her to Baba Yaga,
the only inhabitant of the local forest. The conclusion was not in favor of my long-time friend.
The body of the little mermaid, illuminated by the moon, attracted the whiteness of water lilies. Thumped
The forest boy stood next to the little mermaid and immediately got down to business. Little Mermaid to his advances
did not resist, did not say a word contrary to his desires, however, and vehemence,
she did not show any of the expressions characteristic of her age in such an exciting matter.
- You smell like the forest! - the forest boy said dissatisfied. - You yourself smelled of the forest,
and I smell like the coolness of the river,” she declared proudly. - When a woman lies,
“like a log, it smells like a forest,” the forester said knowingly and walked into the thicket.
The little mermaid turned over on her stomach and, raising her head, shouted after him:
-And you don’t own in a primitive way making fire! So let's drink to the men who know how to make fire from any tree!

Two old married girlfriends decided to have fun and went to the hippodrome. We should bet on some horse, but which one?
We decided this:
-What bra number are you wearing? First? And I'm second.
Let's put - two plus one - on the third number.
Horse number three came first. Having divided the winnings, the happy friends returned home and told their husbands everything. Spurred on by excitement, the men rushed to the hippodrome the next day.
- Which one should we put it on?
- Listen, how much do you pay your wife for the night?... Well, you understand me...
- I? Seven!
- And I'm nine. Let's put it at sixteen.
But this time horse number two came first.
Let's drink to always telling your friends the truth!

If your head is full of smart thoughts,
but you can’t say a toast,
Don't be upset: you may just be a fool.
Here's to the wise men, whose heads are filled with beautiful nonsense!

A lonely traveler walked along the steppe.
Suddenly he sees a group of cheerful people sitting
and invites him to join them.
He came and stayed. But he didn't like these people.
And the traveler went further. He walked and walked and saw again:
Another group sat around the fire with guitars.
He was also invited to sit.
Having accepted the offer, he again realized that they
are not suitable for his rebellious soul.
I moved on. And... in the steppe he was torn apart by jackals.
So let's drink to this
what if someone doesn't like our company -
let the jackals tear it apart!

A log has been thrown across a mountain gorge.
And local residents scurry back and forth along this log.
But for tourists who come to these regions,
Such a crossing inspires fear.
In this case, an instructor is always on duty at the bridge.
He himself carries tourists along the log one by one
and takes one ruble for it.
One day the thought occurred to him: to earn money
two rubles each, i.e. carry two at once.
And so he took on two tourists
and set off. But the burden turned out to be too heavy.
He stopped in the middle of the log. Thought:
- Why the hell do I need... an extra ruble?
So let’s drink so that we too sometimes think:
Do we need an extra ruble?

There was a goat on the mountain.
An eagle flew across the sky, saw a goat,
grabbed it and flew on.
A hunter was standing on the ground, saw an eagle and shot.
The eagle fell like a stone onto the grass, and the goat flew on!
So let's drink so that our eagles are not killed,
but the goats did not fly.

The more we search for the meaning of life,
the less there is of it in our lives.
And vice versa. Rejecting the meaning of life,
we fill our lives with more meaning.
So let’s not look for adventures on our own heads!

Erich Maria Remarque sits in a rocking chair
and reflects on life:
"No, life was not lived in vain. I wrote several
good books, I am known all over the world, I fought
with fascism... But still Hemingway writes better than me!”
Hemingway is standing on the deck of his boat at this time.
in the Caribbean Sea, a pipe in my mouth,
waits for a big fish and thinks:
"Damn it! I lived like a real man!
Worked like an ox, fought against fascism,
I had a lot of fame, money, women,
I hunted elephants and rhinoceroses... And yet...
And yet Platonov writes better than me!”
Friends! Let's drink to beautiful, good envy!

The Indian king was bathing in a bathhouse.
The barber shaved his head.
Suddenly he brought the razor to the monarch’s throat and said:
“Give me your daughter as my wife!”
The king was amazed and frightened and promised
fulfill his request.
Coming out of the bathhouse, he asked his chief adviser:
- How did he dare to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage?!
- Apparently, he had a treasure under his feet,
That’s why he’s so impudent,” the adviser replied.
They dismantled the floor of the bathhouse, and it turned out that
that underneath it is full of gold and silver.
Let's never raise a toast
for the rich bastards!