Funny horoscope. Characters according to the signs of the zodiac. Joking horoscope

The plant was also a provocateur. This is exactly that terrible person who takes half the office to the bar on Fridays, and then the frightened wives and husbands of his colleagues catch the latter in parks, other people's apartments or the next bars in a row. What about Aries? But nothing - it was his business to start and quit, and if they got so wound up - that's their problem)

“Where have you taken us, Susanin the hero? - Leave me alone guys, I'm here for the first time .... - a situation typical of Aries, especially when traveling, on vacation and on vacation. Moreover, Aries often leaves the situation to others to get out of the situation, saying that he is sick / tired / suddenly stupefied, etc.

Aries, by the way, is one of those who considers the “I was drunk” argument to be quite weighty and understandable for most “normal people”, and interestingly, he is often excused for this, although then they think for a long time - what prompted it?

It's simple - childish spontaneity. For this, you will forgive Aries everything - and the fact that he brought you to the wrong place or at the wrong time, disappeared, got drunk, brought strangers, or even forgot you at the station at the beginning of the journey)

But then, having got out of all these stories, you will remember the antics of Aries with pleasure, especially when 10 years have passed and you will be sitting by the warm stove in complete safety. After all, you will always have something to remember if you have ever rested in the company of Aries. It doesn't matter if he was there or not.

Taurus

Well, for starters, you can’t just relax. Before that, it is necessary to work hard to the seventh sweat, present labor achievements in expanded form to yourself, colleagues, relatives, the Lord God and in general to everyone who gets caught), so that the whole world knows that Taurus deserves his rest and has the right to it!

But then the question of preparation for the rest arises. And even if it's just a day off - you need to think over the menu, choose the appropriate music / movies / book, finally change the curtains (and at the same time wash the windows, change the linen, rewash everything), raise everyone's mood (to yourself too), then aaaa .... If time and energy remain

With his ceremoniousness, Taurus can bring to white heat everyone who, together with him, tuned in to rest. “It’s better not to put shoes there, there is a special spoon for this dish, be sure to pass the fruit dish to your neighbor, oh, you crumpled the tablecloth, I’ll fix it right now,” etc. In general, if you live with Taurus, sometimes it’s easier to close yourself in the bathroom for relaxation. Then you can already behave indecently at your pleasure)

Holidays and celebrations Taurus begin to plan ahead of time. After all, you need to take everything into account: think over the menu .... (in general, you already understood, I think). But if it comes to vacation at all, then I assure you, it will be the best and highest quality vacation in the entire Zodiac! But sometimes it happens like in that joke about two Estonians: “- A good New Year's holiday, right?” - "Yes, but intercourse is better" - "Yes, but the New Year is more often")

Twins

In general, if you want to go somewhere or go somewhere, then it’s better not to argue with them, but delicately drag them by the hand in the direction you need. All the same, it will not be ideal, but to admit that their life is not ideal - Libra will not want to, and therefore they will try to pass off the real as ideal and honestly rejoice at this)

Scorpion

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Aries is always pleased with himself, which is reflected on his face. He rarely thinks, says and does the same thing. Usually he does everything wrong, but just dare to tell him about it. Then you will regret that you were born into the world. There are legends about the stubbornness of Aries, and not surprisingly, a ram, he is a ram.

If he rests, you can't move him from his place. He always has two opinions on all events and phenomena, one is his, the other is wrong. Aries says that he is never wrong, and therefore he believes that God was most likely an Aries.

In love, Aries are just as stubborn as in everything else. And if he achieves someone's location, then he does this until the object of his passion gets tired of refusing him. And when he achieves the location of a partner, he himself does not know why he needed it.

In the process of the siege (it lasts a very long time), the object loses its attractiveness for him. Those who fall in love with Aries should only be sorry.
In the family, Aries loves to point out, but does not want to do anything. And from such a comfortable position for him, he would never be moved.

Cheerful horoscope for Taurus

Taurus is very stubborn, in this, he is similar to Aries. Only one who will admire Taurus, tell him that he is always right, and, meanwhile, passing off his ideas as the ideas of Taurus, will be able to convince him. Taurus women are very emotional and trusting.

She talks about her love relationships only in superlatives. And, if a man tells her that he cannot live without her, she really believes it.

Taurus men are hoarders and hoarders. They drag into the house everything they can get their hands on: old household appliances, broken furniture, a woman they don't need. And then they wonder why the house is so crowded and noisy (the noise is from a woman who also cannot understand why she was brought here).

Taurus are very fond of various conflicts and gladly take the most ardent part in them, not being interested in the cause of the conflict. And when they find out the reason for the showdown, they beat their chest and say: “Oh my, because of what nonsense they fought!”.

Cheerful horoscope for Gemini

Gemini are two very similar people rolled into one. Since they are very similar, it annoys them and they argue all the time. If one says, “I want this woman,” the other necessarily objects, “What do you need this slut for?” And as a result, the Gemini man chooses another, and then is surprised, “And what did I find in her?”.

Gemini women are contradictory and fickle in their passions. They change men so often that sometimes they don’t even have time to remember the name of the next partner. And in order not to completely get confused in the names of their counterparts, they call everyone the same “my Hercules”, until the next lover turns out to be a short, skinny man.

He, of course, takes such an appeal as a mockery. In everyday life, Gemini is very indecisive. They cannot make the right decision quickly, because one Gemini pulls in one direction, the other - (out of harm) in the other. And it turns out, as in the immortal work of V.I. Lenin "One step forward, two steps back"

Cheerful horoscope for Cancer

Cancers are very cowardly and shy. They are constantly afraid that they will be accused of what, so they try to please everyone and give everyone a bunch of impossible promises. They speak mainly in slogans and stereotypes, so that others do not suspect them of some kind of ulterior motives.

Crayfish lie without blushing (red crayfish are only boiled) and very inventive. Not without reason, among politicians, there are so many Cancers.
In love, Cancers are very careful, meticulously and carefully choose a partner for themselves, even for life, even for the night. Rummaging and sorting out, as in the collapse of second-hand.

And when friends are surprised at such a long search for their beloved (beloved): “What are you choosing a cow for?” Cancers thoughtfully answer: “You can sell a cow, but with this (this) you will suffer all your life (night).

At work, Cancers are sycophants and sycophants, their bosses are gods and celestials, but if the opportunity arises (and it will be safe for Cancer), they will gladly set their feet on their beloved boss.

Cheerful horoscope for Leo

The lion is the king of animals in nature. People of the Leo zodiac sign never forget this. They are arrogant, selfish, always confident in their superiority and do not tolerate other people's opinions. You will be Leo's best friend if you constantly flatter him and praise his virtues.

Lions are very fond of hanging their portraits on the walls, and the larger the images, the better.
Lion women, like the females of the "black widow" spider, if they do not destroy their chosen one immediately after the night of love, then they gnaw at him for the rest of their lives, or until the partner has enough patience.

Leo men love only themselves, they are simply not capable of loving someone else. Therefore, they choose for themselves women who know only two words "yes" and "I obey."

Cheerful horoscope for Virgo

If your zodiac sign is Virgo, then your family and friends are terribly unlucky. You are obsessed with order, scrupulousness and cleanliness. Virgos are extremely accurate and methodical. The need to tidy up and restore cleanliness turns into a passion for them. If you get up from an armchair or sofa in Virgo's apartment, she immediately begins to smooth the cape and shake off non-existent dust from it.

If Virgo gets into a small car accident, then the first thing she says to the inspector who comes up about the second participant in the accident is: “No wonder this teapot had an accident, look how dirty his car is!”.

A mandatory item in the house of the Virgo is a magnifying glass. With her help, she examines all the furnishings in the house, so she is looking for dust particles.
Virgo also strictly plans love relationships, meetings, and sex with her partner take place on schedule.

Cheerful horoscope for Libra

Scales are languid and graceful and full of incomprehensible mystery and incomprehensible, to the rest of mankind, nobility. They love to dress fashionably and carefully follow fashion. Their craving to look fashionable is so great that if someone assures them that it is fashionable: Libra women will put on a skirt inside out, and men will wear a shirt instead of trousers and tie it in a knot at the waist.

Libra loves to teach everyone and explain everything to everyone. For example, with tenacity worthy of a better application, they will tell you how coffee latte differs from coffee with milk. And it is useless to object to them that they are one and the same.

In love, Libras are mysterious and unpredictable. Sometimes the chosen one (chosen one) of Libra cannot understand what the Libra partner is trying to say. Either he invites you to an intimate date, or he says goodbye forever.

Cheerful horoscope for Scorpio

Scorpios consider themselves irresistible personalities, they can look in the mirror for hours and admire their own person. They are great inventors and are always full of grandiose plans, but as soon as it comes to putting these plans into practice, they stop at the very first difficulties, while saying “I didn’t really want to.”

Scorpios are very loving and obscenely sexy. They are proud of their love victories and talk about it on every corner. Here is just one small nuance, Scorpio men like such women, looking at whom the rest of the men say: “No, I can’t drink so much vodka,” and Scorpio women choose for themselves such chosen ones, about whom we can say that they just got off yesterday tree or crawled onto land.

Cheerful horoscope for Sagittarius

Sagittarius are such adventurers that it is simply dangerous to be near them. They may offer you to jump with a parachute, assuring you that they have done it a hundred times and even offer to fold your parachute. Do not agree to anything, otherwise, their satisfied face will be the last thing you see in life.

Do not try to introduce your chosen one (chosen one), if it is Sagittarius, to your parents. The ancestors will be shocked.
Sagittarians are careless and unfaithful lovers. Having parted with you in the evening, assuring you of his passionate love, in the morning he may simply not remember you.

Cheerful horoscope for Capricorn

Capricorns are a kind of mixture of Leo and Virgo. They believe that they are as charismatic as Leos and as logical as Virgos. In fact, they have the self-importance of Lions and the despondency of Devs.

Capricorns are terrible workaholics, but they work with such a gloomy and dull look that they just want to say: “Put on a different face, a little more fun.”

In love, Capricorns are pessimists. His chosen one (chosen one) can prove his love a hundred times, but Capricorn is firmly convinced that he will certainly be abandoned. What happens most often is that the partner gets tired of fighting the universal despondency of Capricorn.

Cheerful horoscope for Aquarius

Aquarians are the most "knowledgeable" people in the world. Ask Aquarius what Nadezhda Krupskaya was ill with in childhood or what stars the Sagittarius constellation consists of, and he will tell you everything with a smart look and very extensively.

Aquarians are very fond of their body, they love to be naked, and therefore they are very willing to visit nudist beaches.
Aquarians are wonderful lovers, and if you still listen to them constantly, agree with everything and admire their vast knowledge, Aquarius will love you like Romeo.

Cheerful horoscope for Pisces

Pisces are very vindictive creatures, God forbid, offend this sign. Outwardly, they will not show that they are offended, but later on you will regret for a long time that you offended Pisces.

Pisces are very slow in everything, and they are the same drivers. If you see that a car is driving along the highway at a speed of 40-50 km per hour, be sure that a representative of this sign is driving.

In love, Pisces are cold and predictable, it's about them they say "snulled fish." But they consider themselves to be almost Scorpions in a love relationship.

Each holiday is good and interesting in its own way. But usually at any holiday it all comes down to the fact that almost 99% of the attention is paid to the hero of the occasion: the hero of the day or the newlyweds or the birthday man. But what about the guests? They came to have fun and have fun! We have not forgotten about them, and have prepared an interesting game block: a comic astrological forecast for guests on the anniversary. This forecast can be presented in different ways. The most obvious option is the exit of an astrologer who reads out his forecast for each guest or zodiac sign. A gypsy can also come out, but then questions arise - why is a gypsy so smart that she understands astrology? Therefore, a gypsy in such a block would not be very appropriate. The third option is to read the astrological forecast by the presenter himself. This is in case there is no way to make a scene with dressing up. There may be other options, but they are not so obvious. How to show this number is up to you. Below we will provide you with some joke predictions that you can use on anniversaries.

Comic horoscope 1.
The first version of the comic horoscope is written by the guests themselves. Everything is quite simple, but interesting. Everyone knows the game called - missed adjectives. And in this game, we will skip the names of the guests. You need to come up with a prediction that doesn't have names. Then, at the celebration, you ask the hero of the day to name in turn the names of all the guests who are present at the celebration. And enter the names in the forecast in turn. Next, read what happened.
An example of an email with omitted guest names:

“Today (the date of the anniversary, the stars predict us a great festive evening! It will end differently for everyone, but everyone will be happy. At 19 o’clock, Jupiter will eclipse the sun and at this time (guest’s name) will go to rest under the table. Two minutes later, when the sun will come out from under the shadow of Jupiter (guest's name) will join the rest under the table.
At 19.25 the moon will appear in the sky. At the same minute (guest's name) with the words - I'm going to sleep! - falls face down in a plate of salad. When the Ursa Minor appears in the sky, then (guest's name) will start looking for a warm place to rest and will find it on a large and cozy chest (guest's name).
As soon as the clock strikes 20 o'clock, a musical pause will begin. And (guest name) will be the first to enter the dance floor and show a master class. After his dance (guest name) shouting - Bravo! - will run out onto the stage and arrange a wild dance with striptease elements. When (guest's name) sees this, he will scream - my God! This is the best thing I have ever seen in my life!
In twenty minutes. When the big bear appears in the sky, the dancing guests will calm down and sit down in their seats. At the same time, (guest's name) will shout loudly - I demand the continuation of the banquet! - he will drink a glass of vodka and gently lay his head on the table, as if on a pillow.
The evening will end with the fact that all the stars will appear in the sky, and under their influence (guest's name), together with (guest's name), they will sing a duet song - Mom Lyuda, come on, come on, come on! And the rest of the guests will shoot them on their phones to show the clip tomorrow morning and mock them!”

Here's an option you can try. You can change the text or create your own. It is important to remember here that all people are different, and if you know that someone may be offended, then it is better not to enter his name in the forecast.

Comic forecast 2.
The next forecast for guests is the morning after the holiday. This forecast is called - a hangover forecast!

And so, dear guests! A moment of attention. Today we all walk and have fun. But none of you thinks about the consequences, does not think about what will happen tomorrow morning with each of you. But our astrologer already knows everything, and will tell you about what will happen to each of you tomorrow morning.
Aries - the morning will start very badly for you. Approaching the mirror, you will see that your rounded horns have straightened out and prevent you from passing through the doors.
Taurus - do not think that if you drank activated charcoal before the holiday, then everything will be fine with you. You will still see this coal, and you will understand that everything is very bad.
Gemini - don't be surprised, but in the morning you will wake up with a person who looks exactly like you!
Crayfish - and you will learn to quickly crawl backwards from each glass, remembering tonight and your cries - pour, drink!
Lions - in the morning you will let out such a roar that the neighbors each neighbor will bring you bottles of cold mineral water.
Virgo - do not go to the mirror in the morning. Otherwise, you risk not recognizing yourself and fainting out of fear.
Libra - tomorrow morning will begin with the fact that you will weigh and figure out how much a normal person can drink, and how much you drank.
Scorpio - as soon as you wake up, immediately hangover. Otherwise, you will sting everyone all day with your sting.
Sagittarius - it is better to leave money in advance for tomorrow. Otherwise, you will shoot them at passers-by on a hangover.
Capricorns - in the morning a surprise awaits you - you will have new horns.
Aquarius - in the morning you will have guests who want to continue the banquet with you.
Pisces - and you will be ashamed of tonight and your behavior. All tomorrow you will be silent like a fish.

Horoscope 3.
And this horoscope is the shortest in the world! But this makes it even funnier and the guests will definitely like it. And so, let's look:

Horoscope 4.
And this is a rather bold horoscope, it is erotic! But nevertheless funny and the guests will like it. To make this horoscope go with a bang. Do this:
- name the sign of the zodiac and guests under this sign come to you. Romantic music turns on, they dance, and then you read out the horoscope:

Horoscope 5.
And another horoscope - alcohol!
The same can be done in a special way. You name the sign of the zodiac and the guests under this sign get up. They pour glasses and you read their horoscope, after which these guests drink. It turns out interesting and funny:
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According to the eastern horoscope, 2018 will be held under the auspices of the yellow Dog. A comic horoscope for 2018 will tell you what to expect from an animal for different signs of the zodiac.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Aries

It’s time for all Aries to put work aside and say to themselves: “Hi, rest!”. These guys worked hard in the year of the Rooster, it would be time to take a break and devote themselves to other areas of activity. Put yourself in order, powder your nose, take your soulmate by the arm - and look for adventure ahead. Fortunately, as the comic horoscope for 2018 predicts, the yellow Dog is ready to forgive you everything.

Attention! Do not forget about relatives and friends, they also need your attention - not all the time to spend in a stuffy office and with boring colleagues.

Definitely, next year Aries is the center of the Universe, the world is spinning around you. But be careful with fans: there is a risk that someone will want to steal your heart for a long time. Do not try to dive into feelings with your head, the Dog will not help the drowning, so stay vigilant.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Taurus

Taurus, ready to lose your head? As the comic horoscope 2018 predicts according to the signs of the zodiac, the year of the Dog is preparing something breathtaking for you, hide your horns quickly, otherwise you can scare the animal. It's time to leave your slowness for later and get used to the frantic pace so that the desired results of your scams do not have to wait long.

Millions of praises and flattering words will sound to the representatives of the sign, no criticism, only one charm. What can we say about luck, she will keep Taurus on hand for the next year and accompany her at all important events.

Dreamed of eternal mutual love? And here! The dog has already managed to prepare for Taurus a meeting with their other half. Looking forward to the sweet taste of the future of 2018? It would be time!

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Gemini

The comic horoscope for 2018 according to the signs claims that it is time to gather all the will and strength into a fist and start changing your life. Hey Gemini, stop lying on the couch and waiting for something to change, get up quickly and get rid of all unnecessary junk and bad thoughts. The dog has prepared many good opportunities for self-realization for the representatives of the sign. Tune in more positively, change is just around the corner.

If you think about something for a long time, you can get into the soup, as happened in the story with the rooster. Don't waste your time, more action, less talk. And the Dog for good efforts will help the Gemini to know the taste of real bliss. And if love is for a long time, no more five-minute loves in public transport, under the auspices of the Dog only in the registry office.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for suspicious Cancers

Cancers were too mysterious and depressing, and the Dog came to change everything. Successes, new opportunities will go into the claws themselves, it remains to grab them tightly and not let go. After all, the yellow Dog does not give everything just like that, so it's time for representatives of the sign to break stereotypes and change life principles, after all, the 21st century is in the yard.

Persistent and obedient Cancers, according to the comic horoscope for 2018, the Dog has prepared a sweet surprise in relationships. Tired of being alone? Be ready to meet that very person of yours who will beautifully enter your life and share your interests. Do not bite, otherwise you will scare everyone around you.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for Lviv

Whatever the Lions do, things don't go well? And all because, according to the comic horoscope, in 2018 it is worth discarding your excessive pride, and then the yellow Dog will reward the representatives of the sign with worthy fruits. Popularity, excessive attention and many fans will fall on the shoulders of the Lions like snow on their heads. However, this is not a novelty for Lions, because they are used to bathing in the rays of glory.

With their chic and lush mane, Lions will conquer more than one lonely heart, the prey itself will go into the clutches of the king of beasts. It’s just worth reconsidering your relationship with loved ones, your wild ardor and pride are unlikely to please them, and the yellow Dog also does not like selfish people.

Comic horoscope for Virgo

Virgo in 2018, a comic horoscope recommends that you discard your mask of an unfortunate victim, otherwise the Dog may simply bypass you. From January itself, take matters into your own hands and begin to work fruitfully both on yourself and on your well-being, because this month will decide the outcome of the whole coming year. The dog will reward the diligent Virgins with all the blessings and boundless happiness.

But in love it is worth observing complete appeasement: there will be no end to the fans, the main thing is to choose a worthy candidate for a further joint future.

Comic horoscope for Libra

In 2018, it's time for the representatives of the sign to forget about their own impulsiveness, but watch their speech. Inadvertently spoken words addressed to superiors, work employees or loved ones can have a bad effect on your reputation, and the Dog will not be able to pull you out of the fog of reproaches.

The dog advises listening to what Libra is saying. Not always good words sound sincere, be on the lookout. Communicate only with those who pull you forward, and not to a deep dark bottom. And stop weighing everything so carefully, otherwise you will be left with nothing, while your neighbor is already buying a new car.

Joking horoscope for Scorpios

A comic horoscope for 2018 for all signs promises Scorpios incredible wealth, love and good luck, if the representatives of the sign stop stinging everyone. Energy will flow like a river, inspiring Scorpios to new deeds and crazy deeds. These guys will pursue their desired career growth at any cost, even if they have to put their sting out.

Carefully! Don't mess with Scorpions!

It is time for the representatives of the sign to melt their selfish heart and show sensitivity, because without this the Dog will not be able to help preserve harmony in his personal life. Forget about narcissism, otherwise the patroness of the year may accidentally forget about you.

Comic horoscope for Sagittarius

What reward can Sagittarius expect in 2018? Of course, "Advisor of the Year", because the wisdom of these guys just rolls over. They are ready to help anyone, for which the Dog certainly will not remain indifferent to the representatives of the sign. However, while helping others, do not forget about yourself. Someone else's problems are someone else's, but it's time to worry about your own too.

Success in the financial sector is inevitable, you can safely change jobs and scatter banknotes left and right - but carefully. Parties, unbridled fun and a sea of entertainment awaits Sagittarius, just do not forget about sleep: with bags under your eyes, you may not notice the love of your life walking somewhere nearby.

Comic horoscope for Capricorns

In 2018, direct your horns towards your goals: great success is near and any obstacles can be jumped over.

Forget about longing and boredom, the Dog has something to please the representatives of the sign - this is success both in finance and in personal life.

Cupid is already aiming right at your heart and will shoot it in 2018, Capricorns will drown in the ocean of love and attention, what else is needed for happiness? These guys know how to love and deserve love for ages. Even if not, do not worry, any relationship is also an experience.

Comic horoscope for Aquarius

Someone who, and these guys know how to spill water. And in 2018 they will be ready to pour out a stream of their endless ideas and creative impulses to the general public, and all thanks to the Dog with its inspiration for the representatives of the sign. It is better to move on to action and direct the stream of water in the right direction, then the result will be appropriate.

The eastern patroness prepares for Aquarius and surprises in her personal life. A waterfall of love and passion will cover the representatives of the water element with their heads, just remember to breathe so as not to lose your mind. And stop being so jealous, it's time to learn to trust your soulmate.

Comic horoscope for Pisces

2018 is the most favorable year for Pisces to finally leave their usual aquarium and move to other expanses of water. After all, how long can you sit in one place, swim around the bush, boldly swim forward and swim faster to your goals, and the yellow Dog only accompanies these actions.

All sea treasures will be yours as soon as you decide to go out into the world and conquer others. But for single Pisces, the next 2018 is just perfect for dizzying novels, it is possible that they will be long-term. Be prepared, Cupid will not miss.

Comic horoscope for 2018 for schoolchildren and children

A comic horoscope for children for 2018 has prepared something very special - homework, of course, is not the same as schoolwork, but also important. All representatives of the children of the signs of the zodiac should be more active both in school life and out of class. Then good grades will flow like water, and sweets will be not only on holidays.

Get creative and improve school processes, automatic spreading of cheat sheets or a new cheating technique will also work. But at the same time, study, study, study - and praise will fall on your young shoulders, and there, look, gold medals are close. Be careful, otherwise you will have to wash the floor and dust the classroom all year long.

Comic horoscope in verse for 2018

Comic horoscope in verse for 2018 with Aries, let's start

These guys don't care

When Taurus Can Rest

And select only the best.

And with Gemini you will never get bored,

They are the soul of the company always.

Cancers will spend a year without adversity,

Love will devote time all the way.

And the Lions with their beautiful word

Ready to conquer anyone.

Happiness will knock on the Virgo's house,

The dog with good news will rush.

Many wonderful hours await

In the year of the Dog of the wise Libra.

Scorpions better hide their sting

To not annoy Fortune.

And it's time for Sagittarius to forget

About despondency and life.

Note to Capricorns:

Do not swear incessantly.

Aquarians act bolder

Happy chance catch faster.

But the Pisces will

A year to live without sorrows and resentment.

Comic horoscopes cheer up, but they also contain some truth. Find out what life principles are characteristic of your Zodiac Sign. Among the funny offers you can find useful information and change for the better.

Horoscopes, no matter how comic they are, are based on the observations of astrologers. It is known that planets and constellations influence the nature and behavior of people, which means that the jokes are not so far from the truth. The site site team has compiled a funny horoscope for you, in which the characteristics of each Zodiac Sign fit into short and capacious expressions. We hope that they will help you not only cheer up, but also get rid of your weaknesses.

Aries

Aries can describe themselves. Capacious phrases fully reflect their contradictory and purposeful nature.

It's useless to argue with me. You won't redirect me.
I will do it first, and then I will think.
I don't slow down where everyone slows down.
I'll stay young forever, because it's boring to become an adult.
You can do the same as me. You still can't do better.
Please speak faster. I don't have the patience to listen to you.
My stubbornness is not a vice, it was simply born ahead of me.
It is much easier to control any situation than emotions.
I won't hit you first, but you'd better not touch me.
It's good to be honest - unnecessary people themselves stop communicating with me.

Taurus

If Taurus could characterize themselves in a joking manner, they could use the following phrases.

You never feel sorry for money for buying things, but always for entertainment.
I don't need someone else's, and don't you dare touch mine.
It is better to be bad friends than to quarrel kindly.
It is better to stay in the usual comfort of four walls than to admire the colors of nature.
Food is a wonderful invention of mankind.
It is better to go second to save energy.
Tasting delicious food and wine is my passion.
Be gentle and then you can achieve more than the rest.
No need to pull someone who is well settled.
Disposable things were invented for disposable people.

Twins

Ten capacious phrases that reveal their character and demeanor are suitable for restless Gemini.

Today I am not the same as I was yesterday.
It is useful to own the situation - you get more information.
One mind is good, but two is better. Especially if both belong to you.
Today I am here, tomorrow I am there.
Ideas should not gather dust on the shelves with old books.
If you didn't make it, then you're late. Need to speed up.
You need to move quickly through life so as not to get bogged down in “textures”.
I rarely answer for my words, but with humor.
There is not enough time for quality, so I take quantity.
There should be more means of communication.

Cancer

Cancers will be able to recognize themselves and their manner of behavior by the following interesting phrases, which in a playful way reflect their style of behavior.

Life is hard only where it is impossible to hide in a secluded place.
Behind the stone walls of my fortress, I am invulnerable to the cruel world.
Stocks need to be replenished so that they never run out.
Being a babysitter is great. It doesn't matter how old your ward is.
If you know how to wait, happiness will eventually find you on its own.
With friends you need to meet at home, and not walk around the cafe.
The abundance of food in the refrigerator is a real happiness.
Money should only be spent on quality items.
My past is always with me. And it doesn't bother me at all.
Ten years is not a long time for good clothes.

a lion

Proud Leos do not always agree with the characteristics that people around them give them. However, in every joke there is some truth, which is worth listening to.

It is much more pleasant to help people than to be in the role of asking for help.
Follow me, I know the right way.
Good manners are the key to personal success.
The sun shines exclusively for Leo.
It's nice to make good money, but it's much nicer to spend it.
A dictator sometimes needs to be hidden behind a mask of prudence and benevolence.
I don't understand how you can not admire me.
I need more gold, more pathos and more admiring glances.
Even if the thing is not needed, I must have it. Especially if it is expensive and looks chic.
The sign on my office door must be spotless.

Virgo

Virgos sometimes need to look at themselves from the outside in order to change their attitude to life. Ten humorous phrases will help you with this.

If you work hard, you will surely come out of it.
All things should be in their places.
Modesty adorns any Virgo.
Logic should be in everything, even in love.
Everything must look perfect. No crooked paintings.
You need to live not only for yourself, but also in order to help others.
Large scales are frightening - it is difficult to put things in order in them.
Beauty will save the world, especially if you create it with your own hands
Throwing away old things is not necessary. They can come in handy at the most unexpected moment.
Less hassle, more routine.

Scales

For Libra, the following statements may be familiar. Perhaps they will help you to doubt less and change your behavior for the better.

Any business must be done with the appropriate mood.
You can win by agreeing.
Making a choice is one of the most difficult and tiring activities.
Kindness can move mountains.
Beauty should be in everything: in the image, in the house, and in the workplace.
Information is needed like air.
Laziness is the engine of progress.
One of the dumbest things to do is argue. It takes too much energy.
Doubt sometimes helps to avoid trouble.
Not all i's need to be dotted.

Scorpion

If Scorpios could talk about themselves in capacious short phrases, then the following expressions would suit them.

You need a good reason to smile.
It is a pity that sometimes there is no one to "sting".
This world lacks knights.
I'm like a cactus: flowers open only for the elite.
Revenge should be served cold, but only to those who really deserve it.
Even if there is a hurricane inside you, remain outwardly calm.
The world needs stations to fill people with emotions.
You need to go to the breach, even through the windbreak.
People are like books: you just have to open them.
You need to take risks constantly, otherwise there will be nothing to remember in old age.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius could make a presentation of themselves and their character in the following humorous terms.

Remorse is experienced by those who have it. Mine doesn't bite.
It makes no sense to panic ahead of time, I’ll figure it out when it “presses.
The spirit of competition allows you to be better in everything.
Do you want to cheer yourself up? Ask me how.
I forgive everyone I owe.
An argument is another opportunity to show off your intellect.
I'm not obligatory, but immensely charming.
I hang noodles on my ears for free and professionally.
I know how to become a philosopher in five minutes.
Commitment saves more than one life.

Capricorn

For Capricorns, which people may not understand, the site's experts have selected the following funny sayings. We hope that they will help to cheer you up and smile more often.

Even one in the field can be a warrior.
The laws of meanness work for me.
I'm like cognac: I only get better with age.
It is good to talk about beautiful places and countries while sitting at home.
Financial advisor. Long, expensive, with a guarantee.
You can afford to spit down from the top if you climb it all your life.
Life is a train that stops at its stations exactly according to the schedule.
If necessary, I can become the head of the universe
There is no place for sprints in my life. I am a true marathon runner.
Stubbornness can "gore" anyone.

Aquarius

The ten sentences that characterize Gemini may seem naive, but for many representatives of this Sign they can be useful.

There is no greater boredom than being like others.
I create my own ideas.
Living with prejudices is the lot of fools.
Everything will be great in the future.
To be an angel? Why not?
Sometimes a good intention is enough. It is not necessary to perform it.
Family is great, but friends are more important.
There are no lonely thoughts in my head. They are friends and create chaos.
I can be in several places at the same time, because there should be many good people.
There should be stops in life, not safe harbors.

Fish

Pisces, with their world of illusions and unwillingness to explain their behavior, can use the following succinct phrases.

My profession is professional sympathy.
There is no point putting off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I can promise. I love, I know, I practice. But I won't be in a hurry to do it.
I understand everyone, but not myself.
Don't pressure me or I'll disappear.
Yes, I'm busy, only what, few can understand.
We need more handkerchiefs and vest people.
Food needs to be chewed, work needs to be done.
Maintain order in the house - who needs it?
The world of illusions and fantasies is beautiful. There is no need to leave him for a long time.

A comic horoscope can reflect your inner state. In any case, even funny statements about your Sign should not be ignored. Be careful in your actions and desires so that there is no place for disappointment in your life. Attract good luck and be happy. We wish you all the best, and don't forget to press the buttons and