Development eq. How to improve your communication skills. How to develop emotional intelligence from childhood

We want ourselves and our children to be successful and happy. But we often forget that it is impossible to put an equal sign between these concepts. You can be successful, but still feel unhappy all the time. Or you can constantly experience difficulties in your studies or career, but treat them not as a tragedy, but as a step forward.

Why are emotions so important?

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

Charles Swindoll, writer

The modern world is full of stressful situations that are difficult to cope with even for adults, not to mention children. They do not understand and do not know what emotions they experience at one time or another, or how to manage them, so they have a distorted idea of ​​what is happening. This leads to neuroses, apathy and other depressive states.

The inflated demands of teachers, instilling in a small individual the importance of victory and superiority (many want to be the parents of winners) - all this is too heavy a load for fragile children's shoulders. The heavier this load, the more important it is to deal with the child’s feelings and experiences.

Already in adult life We see that people who cannot control their emotions have troubles in all areas of life, including in their careers.

When a person is overwhelmed by negative emotions and cannot objectively assess his feelings, desires and capabilities, a destructive effect is guaranteed.

Relationships with others deteriorate, a person withdraws into himself, loses faith in himself, his strengths or his professionalism, becomes irritable, and becomes even more confused in his feelings. And here the question arises: “At what level emotional intelligence does he possess?

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is responsible for recognizing and correctly interpreting emotions. It is he who gives a person psychological flexibility and the ability to effectively interact with the world around him.

That is why the concept of “emotional intelligence” was first voiced in relation to career building and self-realization. However, psychologists immediately caught the infantile subtext in this, because the fundamental development of personality occurs precisely in childhood.

For a child, the development of EQ is an opportunity to create an established and understandable system of perception that will allow you to effectively interact with people around you, correctly perceive criticism, recognize the feelings of adults and peers and adequately respond to them.

Aggression, apathy, bad dream, absent-mindedness, inability to establish contacts with peers and other alarming manifestations in a child’s behavior are obvious signals that indicate the need to develop emotional intelligence.

How to develop emotional intelligence from childhood?

The most important thing in the life of any child is parental love. Love your child, show him tenderness and care. Tactile communication between mother and child does not lose its significance for children older than infancy.

Love allows every person to feel protected and confident. This is a reliable foundation for the development of a successful personality.

In addition, it is very important to create the right associations with different emotions. Show your child the real example what is joy? Perhaps it's the smell of cake? Maybe the ringing of a bell? What about friendship? Do you associate friendship with hugs? If not, then what does it look like in your mind?

Create a colorful and bright world, in which every feeling and sensation has its own color, aroma and taste. This way you will not only open the doors to the world of emotions for your child, but also get closer to him and further strengthen the trust between you.

A similar method works with . Don't just read, but play fairy tales, tell them to children magical stories through the game or small performance. Act out a scene in front of them, use tactile sensations, aromatic oils, appropriate intonation - this will allow the child to feel the whole gamut of sincere emotions that a magical story evokes.

Each of these methods is well described in our book “Monsiki. What are emotions and how to be friends with them.” Ours, because we created it together with my son Gleb, based on our own experience. It can be safely called a detailed guide for parents, where one of the most effective methods EQ development is shown through interaction with fairy-tale characters Monsikami. Each one represents a specific emotion and has skills that will help children understand and cope with those emotions in a variety of ways. Monsies are kind fairy-tale creatures, and fairy tales are best perceived by a child.

Working on emotional intelligence in childhood is the key to successful development and well-being in the future.

Most likely, such a child, as an adult, will be able to avoid most of the psychological problems that modern society faces us with today.

Children are more receptive to everything new, their psyche is like plasticine - flexible and ingenuous. But what will be molded from this plasticine often depends only on the adults. So let's start with ourselves.

Simple exercises to develop EQ

The methodology for developing EQ is simple and straightforward, but requires care and regular implementation. Here are the simplest and most effective exercises.

Mindfulness Exercises

Emotional diary

To learn to be aware of yourself here and now, write down every three hours the emotion you experience in this moment. At the end of the day, identify the dominant emotion and think about what you need to work on.

In a couple of weeks you will learn to feel yourself in real time without any difficulties.

This exercise will be made more effective by a kind of checking - an analysis of the physical state when experiencing a certain emotion. This practice is also good for improving health.

Stop!

How often are our actions accompanied by ? We don’t think about what we are doing, but simply perform some familiar, regular manipulations. Exercise “Stop!” consists of abruptly interrupting any action in order to get rid of inertia and allow yourself to think about the situation. This is the only way to feel yourself here and now, to begin to control your reality.

Exercises to improve self-esteem

What a luck!

Teach yourself to think positively, reacting even to unpleasant events with the phrase: “What luck!” Such a reaction will be a surprise to others, but this fact will also benefit you, because then you will find even more advantages in the situation. To enhance the effect, you can use the phrase: “This is so great because...”. Why? Think about it.

Sell ​​your flaw

An effective technique that allows you to interpret even negative aspects of personality in a positive way. Tell the audience about your shortcoming in other words, give it a different color. For example, can caution be considered cowardice, and courage - recklessness? But it all depends on which side you look at it from. The synthon approach is based on a positive approach to development. He says: you have no shortcomings, you have features.

It is necessary to develop your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

With this approach, you can sell any of your shortcomings. For example, sell uncertainty. Tell the audience honestly and truthfully how, with this quality, before taking an important step, you consider all options for events, look at various solutions, and only after that take the most profitable step for you.

Exercises to develop motivation

Openness to new things

To develop this valuable quality in yourself, you can use a simple, but very effective exercise, which is to find as many uses as possible for the most common things. Let it be an ordinary towel, an old bucket or just a piece of cardboard. Come up with greatest number options for how to use these things. It's not only interesting, but also fun. Therefore, practice this exercise with your family and children. They will have a great time and work on their imagination and ingenuity.

Two random words

Open any book or magazine, randomly select two words from the text and try to find something in common between them. Compare them, analyze, reflect and make connections. It's effective and fun.

Exercise to increase adaptability

Finally, the well-known Elevator Pitch method is a presentation of your business project in 30–60 seconds. Imagine that you are your own business project. Start presenting yourself as brightly as possible, while remaining honest with yourself.

To get started, use this template:

1. Profession.
2. Hobby.
3. How am I changing the world for the better?

Each of these exercises will help you become a better person emotionally and psychological sense. However, emotional intelligence should not be perceived as a universal key to success. Life is quite multifaceted. So improve your mind, body, soul and love yourself. After all, the only thing we have control over in this world is ourselves.

Personality formation is a complex process of interaction between intellectual and emotional development. IN last years More and more attention is being paid to emotional intelligence, that is, “the ability to understand the meaning of emotions and use this knowledge to find out the causes of problems and solve these problems” (J. Mayer and P. Salovey). The concept of “emotional intelligence” is not new in pedagogy. Many scientists wrote about this phenomenon, but used other terms depending on the characteristics of its expression: L.S. Vygotsky – “generalization of experiences”, A.V. Zaporozhets – “emotional imagination”, V.S. Mukhina - “reasonableness of feelings.”

In addition, there are a number of qualities interrelated with emotional intelligence, including empathy, which initially means the process of feeling, that is, emotional penetration into the state of another (Yu.B. Gippenreiter, T.D. Karyagina, E.N. Kozlova).

The inability to understand your own emotions and the emotions of other people, to correctly assess the reactions of others, as well as the inability to regulate your own emotions when making decisions lead to many failures in life. According to the latest research, a person’s success depends on IQ by only 20 percent, and on emotional development by almost 80 percent.

The foundations of a future personality are laid already in preschool age, which, according to A. N. Leontyev’s definition, is the period of the initial, actual personality structure. Radical economic, political, social transformations and the process of globalization have a great influence on the modern preschooler and subject him to such emotional tests to which human nature cannot naturally adapt. Surrounding reality to some extent, it either inhibits the child’s emotional world or distorts the process of its development.

Currently exists a large number of programs for the development of emotional intelligence in adults. However, in our opinion, this problem is most relevant for preschool age. According to American researchers, emotional intellect and the qualities associated with it contribute not only moral development children, but also their academic success.

It is very important to protect emotional sphere preschooler, do not limit its development with a training system. “I love the idea that people can be taught to gain a deeper understanding of their own emotional lives and be helped to achieve their goals,” says founder Peter Salovey. – but what I don’t like at all is the education of conformity! I’m afraid that any campaign to increase emotional self-control in children will end with them being coached into the “only correct” emotional reaction in relation to a given situation - laughing at a holiday, crying at a funeral, and so on.

Psychology teacher at the National Institute for the Training of Kindergarten Teachers (Ho Chi Minh City, Socialist Republic Vietnam), postgraduate student of the Department of General and educational psychology Voronezh State Pedagogical University offers its own version of a program for the development of emotional intelligence in children of senior preschool age. He believes: nowhere is it so clearly manifested emotional intellect, as in the art of communication. Kindness, tact, ability to assess the situation and in the right way react to it - all this requires developed sense empathy.

Purpose of the program. Development of a preschooler’s orientation to the role and significance of other people in his activities.

Tasks:
● Formation of preschoolers’ interest in emotional experiences.
● Formation of ideas about basic emotions and feelings.
● Developing the ability to cooperate with other children.
The program consists of 20 lessons. Structure of each lesson:
- reading a story or poem;
- conversation on the content of the text;
- work on selecting pictures depicting the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional states and experiences of the characters in a story or poem.
- holding one or two games.
Classes were held for six months in the school preparatory group of MDOU No. 138 in Voronezh.

Lesson based on the story by K.D. Ushinsky "Playing dogs"

Reading text.
Volodya stood at the window and looked out onto the street, where she was basking in the sun big dog, Polkan.
A little Pug ran up to Polkan and began to rush and bark at him; he grabbed his huge paws and muzzle with his teeth and seemed to be very annoying to the large and gloomy dog.
Wait a minute, she’ll ask you! - Volodya said. - She will teach you a lesson.
But Mops did not stop playing, and Polkan looked at him very favorably.

You see,” Volodya’s father said, “Polkan is kinder than you.” When your little brothers and sisters start playing with you, it will certainly end with you beating them up. Polkan knows that it is a shame for the big and strong to offend the small and weak.

Conversation.
- What was Polkan doing in the yard?
- How did Pug play?
- Was Polkan angry?
- What, according to Volodya’s assumption, could have happened if Pug had not stopped interfering with Polkan? Polkan acted as Volodya suggested, or not? Why?
- What did father teach Volodya from this example?
- How do you think kids feel when they are offended?

Game “Waves” (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Learn to express a friendly attitude towards peers using gestures.

Progress of the game
The teacher stands in the circle that the children have formed and says: “There are usually small waves in the sea, and it’s so nice when they gently wash you. Let's turn into now sea ​​waves“We will move as if we were waves, just like them, rustle and murmur, smile like the waves when they sparkle in the sun.” Then he invites everyone to take turns swimming in the sea. The bather stands in the center, the “waves” surround him and, stroking him, quietly murmur.

Lesson based on M. Zoshchenko’s story “At Grandma’s”

Reading text.

We are visiting grandma. We are sitting at the table. Lunch is served.
Our grandmother is sitting next to our grandfather. Grandfather is fat and overweight. He looks like a lion. And grandma looks like a lioness.
A lion and a lioness are sitting at a table.
I keep looking at my grandmother. This is my mother's mother. She has White hair and dark, amazing Beautiful face. Mom said that in her youth she was an extraordinary beauty.
They bring a bowl of soup.
It is not interesting. I'm unlikely to eat this.
But then they bring pies. This is nothing yet.
Grandfather himself pours the soup.
As I serve my plate, I say to my grandfather:
- I just need one drop.
Grandpa holds a pouring spoon over my plate. He drops one drop of soup onto my plate.
I look at this drop in confusion.
Everyone laughs.
Grandfather says:
- He asked for one drop himself. So I fulfilled his request.
I didn't want soup, but for some reason I'm offended. I'm almost crying.
Grandma says:
- Grandfather was joking. Give me your plate, I'll pour it.
I don't give my plate and don't touch the pies.
Grandfather says to my mother:
- This is a bad child. He doesn't understand jokes.
Mom tells me:
- Well, smile at grandpa. Answer him something.
I look at my grandfather angrily. I quietly tell him:
- I will never come to you again...
Conversation.
- Why did the boy ask his grandfather to pour him only one drop of soup?
- Do you think that grandfather was joking when fulfilling his grandson’s request?
- We often joke about those we love. Do you think the boy in this story understands this or not? Why do you think so?
- How should we behave when people make fun of us so that they don’t feel offended?
- How did the boy’s grandfather feel when his grandson didn’t understand that he was just joking?
- If you were in the boy’s place, what would you do when grandfather joked about you like that?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional states of the characters in the story.

Game “Holiday of Politeness” (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Stimulate the desire to please and support each other through words.

“Today in our group,” says the teacher, “a holiday of politeness is being announced! Polite people are distinguished by the fact that they never forget to thank others. Now each of you will have a chance to show your courtesy and thank others for something. You can go up to anyone and say: “Thank you for being...”. You'll see, it's very nice to give thanks. Try not to forget anyone and approach everyone, because truly polite people are also very attentive. Ready? Then let's begin."

Lesson on the poem by E. Moshkovskaya “The Hard Path”

Reading text.
I decided,
and I'm leaving.
I'm coming
in that hard way.
I'm coming
to the next room,
where in silence
my mother is sitting.
And you have to
open the door.
And take a step...
And further...
and maybe ten more,
ten steps!
And quiet
To her
come up
and quietly
say:
"Sorry..."

Conversation.
-What is this poem about?
- Why do you think it is so difficult to ask for forgiveness?
- How does a boy feel when he goes to his mother to ask for forgiveness?
- How do you feel when you have to ask for forgiveness?
- How do people around us feel when we do bad things?
- What continuation for this poem can you come up with? What will the boy's mother say?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional states of the characters in the poem.

Game “Living Dolls” (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Stimulate empathy and the desire to help others.

Progress of the game
The teacher divides the group into pairs and explains: “Imagine that your dolls have come to life. They can talk, ask, run, etc. Let one of the pair remain a child, and the other turn into a girl doll or a boy doll. The doll will ask for something, and its owner will fulfill its requests and take care of it.” He offers to wash the doll’s hands, feed her, take her for a walk, put her to bed, etc. At the same time, he warns that the owner must fulfill all the whims of the doll and not force her to do what she does not want.
Having fully entered the play situation, children continue to play independently. In the next game they switch roles.

Lesson based on M. Zoshchenko’s story “It’s not my fault”

Reading text.

We sit at the table and eat pancakes.
Suddenly my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I'm crying.
Father with glasses. He looks serious. Beard. Nevertheless, he laughs. He says:
- You see how greedy he is. He feels sorry for one pancake for his father.
I speak:
- One pancake, please eat. I thought you would eat everything.
They bring soup. I speak:
- Dad, do you want my soup?
Dad says:
- No, I'll wait until they bring the sweets. Now, if you give me something sweet, then you are really a good boy.
Thinking that cranberry jelly with milk for dessert, I say:
- Please. You can eat my sweets.
Suddenly they bring a cream that I am partial to.
Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:
- Please eat if you are so greedy.
The father frowns and leaves the table.
Mother says:
- Go to your father and ask for forgiveness.
I speak:
- I will not go. I am not guilty.
I leave the table without touching the sweets.
In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer with cream in his hands.
Father says:
- Well, why didn’t you eat your cream?
I speak:
- Dad, let's eat it in half. Why should we quarrel over this?
My father kisses me and spoon-feeds me cream.

Conversation.
- What happened at the table while eating? Do you think the father really wanted to eat his son's pancakes and cream?
- Why did father frown and leave the table? How did he feel when the boy said: “Please eat, if you are so greedy”?
- It often happens that our words or actions offend people dear to us. What do you think we should do to redeem ourselves in such situations?
- At the end of the story, the boy decided to make peace with his dad. How did he do it? If you were this boy, how would you make peace with your dad?
- How did the father feel when his son decided to be the first to make peace with him?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional states of the characters in the story.
Game “Animation” (I. Klimina).
Target. Develop the ability to non-verbally express your emotions.

Material. Children's drawings.

Progress of the game
Children look at the drawings. Then one of the participants in the game, using facial expressions and gestures, shows what is shown in one of the drawings, the rest guess.
If there are several answer options, the teacher explains that the same phenomenon or object different people can evoke different feelings, and everyone has the right to their opinion.

Lesson on the poem by Y. Akim “My Brother Misha”

Reading text.
Oh, how red he is!
My new brother Misha!
And red hair
And red eyelashes,
I wake up and immediately have fun,
When I see him.
Over naughty Misha
The whole family is busy
But my brother is red
He does everything like me.
I jump - he jumps
I eat porridge - eat porridge,
I ate the plate instantly -
And he does it in one sitting.
I won’t offend Misha
If he pushes me, I endure it:
He is small, my red one,
And I love him.

Conversation.
- What do you think an older brother and an older sister should be like?
- Do you have a brother or sister? Tell us about them.
- How does your brother or sister feel when you behave aggressively towards them?
- What do you do when your brother or sister doesn’t do what you would like?
- Draw portraits of your brothers or sisters and give them as a gift.
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional state of the characters.
Game “Composite Figures” (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. To develop the ability to coordinate one’s own actions and behavior with the actions and behavior of other children, to take into account the influence of other children on one’s actions.

Progress of the game
The teacher seats the children around him and says: “Those of you who have been to the circus or zoo have probably seen an elephant there. And whoever wasn’t saw his image in a picture in a book. Try to draw it. How many legs does he have? That's right, four. Who wants to be the elephant's feet? Who will be the trunk? Etc. Thus, each child will depict some part of the elephant’s body. The teacher helps the children settle down in in the right order: in front is the trunk, behind it is the head, on the sides are the ears, etc. Then he invites the elephant to walk around the room: each part must follow the order of movements.

The figure to be composed can be any real or fairy-tale animals (dog, caterpillar, dragon, etc.). If there are many children in the group, you can complicate the game and create two animals that can communicate: shake each other’s hands, sniff each other, wag their tails when they meet.

Lesson on A. Barto’s poem “Loneliness”

Reading text.
No, I'm leaving for good!
Then I'll bore my dad:
I'm pestering you with questions,
Then I won’t finish my porridge,
So don't argue with adults!
I will live alone in the forest,
I'll stock up on strawberries.
It's good to live in a hut,
And I don’t want to go home
Like dad, I like it
Loneliness.
I will listen to the bird whistle
In the morning in the woods,
Only I am a football player,
And there is no one to play with.
It's good to live in a hut,
I just feel bad.
I'd rather be in the wilderness
I’ll build huts for everyone!
I'll invite all the boys
I'll give everyone a hut.
I'll write to mom and dad.
I'll send postcards to everyone!
Come for good!

Conversation.
- Why do you think the boy decided to live in the forest alone?
- Why then did he decide to invite his father, his mother, and all his friends to his forest? Does he like loneliness?
- What place do the people around us occupy in our lives? Do you think we can exist without their participation?
- Did you smile when you read the last lines of the poem? Why? What kind of poem is this - funny or sad? Why do you think so?
Display and selection of pictures expressing the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional states of the character in the poem.

Game “Old Grandma” (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Stimulate empathy, the desire to support and help others.

Progress of the game
The teacher divides the group into pairs: grandmother (grandfather) - granddaughter (grandson) and explains: “Grandparents are very old, they don’t see or hear anything. They need to be taken to the doctor, and for this, their grandchildren must take them across a road with heavy traffic.”

The street is drawn with chalk on the floor. Several children act as cars and run along the roadway. The guide needs to protect the grandmother (grandfather) from cars, show the doctor (the child plays his role), buy medicine and bring him home along the same road.

Lesson on A. Barto’s poem “Separation”

Reading text.
I do everything for my mother:
I play scales for her,
I go to the doctor for her,
I teach mathematics.
All the boys climbed into the river,
I was sitting alone on the beach
For her after illness
I didn’t even swim in the river.
For her I wash my hands
I'm eating some carrots...
Only we are separated now.
Mom in the city of Pryluky
Fifth day on a business trip.
And today the whole evening
I have nothing better to do!
And probably out of habit
Or maybe out of boredom
I put matches in place
And for some reason I wash my hands.
And the scales sound sad
In our room. Without mom.

Conversation.
- What does a boy do for his mother, and what for himself?
- What can each of you do for mom?
- Describe the boy’s emotional state when he misses his mother.
- What can be done so that the boy does not feel so lonely?
- What do you do if your parents go somewhere for a long time? Why are you doing this?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional state of the character in the poem.

Game “We work together” (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. To develop the ability to coordinate one’s own actions and behavior with the actions and behavior of other children, to negotiate and cooperate with others.

Progress of the game
The teacher divides the group into subgroups of four children. He gives each of the subgroups a task: wash the dishes, cook soup or plant a tree. Helps distribute responsibilities (for example, one child digs a hole, another lowers a tree into the hole and straightens the roots, a third buries the hole, a fourth waters the tree). The subgroups rehearse their skits for five minutes. Then each subgroup shows a skit, and the rest guess.

Lesson based on N. Nosov’s story “Steps”

Reading text.
One day Petya was returning from kindergarten. On this day he learned to count to ten. He reached his house, and he younger sister Valya is already waiting at the gate.
- And I already know how to count! – Petya boasted. - IN kindergarten learned. Look how I can now count all the steps on the stairs.
They began to climb the stairs, and Petya counted the steps loudly:
- Well, why did you stop? – asks Valya.
- Wait, I forgot which step is further. I'll remember now.
“Well, remember,” says Valya.
They stood on the stairs, standing. Petya says:
- No, I can’t remember that. Well, let's start over again.
They went down the stairs. They began to climb up again.
“One,” says Petya, “two, three, four, five...
And he stopped again.
- Forgot again? – asks Valya.
- Forgot! How can this be! I just remembered and suddenly forgot! Well, let's try again.
They went down the stairs again, and Petya started over:
- One, two, three, four, five...
- Maybe twenty-five? – asks Valya.
- Not really! You're just stopping me from thinking! You see, because of you I forgot! We'll have to do it all over again.
- I don’t want to at first! - says Valya. - What it is? Up, down, up, down! My legs already hurt.
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to,” answered Petya. “And I won’t go further until I remember.”
Valya went home and said to her mother:
- Mom, Petya is counting the steps on the stairs: one, two, three, four, five, but he doesn’t remember the rest.
“Then it’s six,” my mother said.
Valya ran back to the stairs, and Petya kept counting the steps:
- One, two, three, four, five...
- Six! - Valya whispers. - Six! Six!
- Six! – Petya was happy and moved on. - Seven eight nine ten.
It’s good that the stairs ended, otherwise he would never have reached the house, because he only learned to count to ten.
Conversation.
- What did Petya learn in kindergarten?
- Whom did Petya meet at the gate of the house?
- What did Petya decide to show his little sister? Did he manage to do this? Why?
- What did Petya say to his little sister when he couldn’t remember what number came after five?
- How do you think Valya felt when Petya said that she was stopping him from thinking? Why do you think so?
- What did Valya decide to do to help her brother? Why did she do this?
- Think: if you were Vali, what would you do to help your brother? Why?
- How do you think Petya felt when Valya helped him remember the score? Why do you think so?
- Do we need to help each other? Why?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people that correspond to the emotional states of the characters in the story.

Game “Conversation through glass” (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. To develop the ability to take into account the emotional state of a peer, repeat and transmit information received from him. Stimulate the desire to understand another without words.

Progress of the game
The teacher helps the children break into pairs, then says: “Imagine that one of you is in a large store, and the other is waiting for him on the street. But you forgot to agree on what you need to buy, and the exit is at the other end of the store. Try negotiating purchases through the glass of a shop window. But remember that the glass between you is so thick that trying to scream is useless: your partner won’t hear anyway. Once you have agreed, you can discuss whether you understood each other correctly.” The teacher explains to one of the children with gestures what he should buy, and then asks if he understood everything. Then the children play independently. The teacher monitors the progress of the game and helps if the players find it difficult. In the next game, the children change roles.

Application

Techniques for developing a child’s emotional intelligence that parents can use:

Create a positive emotional background in the family. This contributes good health child. If he doesn't feel well, he can't think about others.
Talk to your child: ask about what happened to him today in kindergarten or in the yard, how he perceived various situations, what emotions arose in him. Discuss what behaviors were possible, how those around him perceived the behavior, and how they would react to different behavior. Give your child the opportunity to express everything he thinks, and then together with him choose the most appropriate way of behavior.
Don't forget that you are an example for your child. Children learn by imitating the actions of the people around them, and especially their parents.
Encourage your child to play with other children. Exactly at joint activities the child acquires communication skills.
Help your child recognize emotional states from drawings and photographs that can be found in magazines and newspapers.
Read stories and poems “saturated” with emotions to your child. Discuss with him the behavior of the characters and possible options for behavior. Suggest changes to the plot or come up with a different ending.
Remember that children who openly express their emotions have the opportunity to use them creatively in their lives. At the same time, it is important to talk about emotions and feelings, because when pronouncing, naming these mental states the child comprehends emotional experience. But regular suppression of emotions entails the emergence of fears and self-doubt, and a decrease in the ability to learn.
Talk to your child for what seems like regular topics: why should we help each other, how the other person will feel if we help him and if not; how we feel when we argue and when we try to talk calmly with each other; what to do if a friend is sad or happy; what to do if you are bored; what to do if you have a pie, but your friend doesn’t... In all these situations, try to show your child how important it is to focus on other people.
Relieve stress in your child with physical exercises.

All of us, one way or another, have encountered people who, right from the start, at first glance, feel and understand other people well. Prerequisites this behavior are the properties of temperament, hereditary inclinations of emotional sensitivity

All of us, one way or another, have encountered people who, right from the start, at first glance, feel and understand other people well. The prerequisites for this behavior are the properties of temperament, hereditary inclinations of emotional sensitivity, good development right hemisphere and features of information processing. It is believed that emotional intelligence is more developed among extroverts, but in any case, the prerequisites for high emotional intelligence are laid in the family. This is facilitated a good relationship parents among themselves, harmonious upbringing of the child, instilling self-control skills, sound assessment and avoidance of overprotection.

Thus, in order to develop a child’s emotional intelligence, parents should avoid extremes in their relationships with him. If parents are so immersed in caring for the child that they are ready to read his thoughts and unspoken wishes and instantly fulfill them, the child does not need to strive to establish emotional contact, and the mechanisms that allow this to be done are not formed or developed.

The child in the family is already five years old, but he does not speak. No matter how many doctors they took me to, they all said that everything was fine and that he should talk. The family sits at the table in despair and watches the child eat. He ate the porridge, took the tea, took a sip: “Why tea without sugar?” Everyone jumped up: “Hurray, he spoke!!! Why were you silent before? And the child responded: “Everything was fine before...”

If a child, potentially capable of establishing emotional contact, is deprived of the opportunity to establish it due to the indifference or hostility of loved ones, then he may subsequently have problems expressing emotions and relationships with others, since he is accustomed to adapting and defending himself.

The boy grew up in a family where they did not talk to each other. Joint meals took place virtually in silence, and then everyone went about their business: dad sat down to watch the TV, mom was busy with the housework, and the baby played, left to his own devices. After graduating from school, in which he found himself as lonely as in his family, the boy entered a university. By the end of the first year, he became the talk of the town for teachers of the humanities - history and philosophy had to be discussed and discussed, but the young man did not make contact, did not know how to do this. He was lucky - the teachers were extremely caring. They tried to stir him up as best they could, understanding the situation. In addition, he turned out to be potentially capable of communication. The efforts were not in vain, the grains fell on fertile soil, and by the end of the institute he was simply unrecognizable: approachable easily and naturally, always smiling, the young man was strikingly different from the withdrawn and gloomy boy who crossed the threshold of the institute several years before.

As can be seen from the above example, emotional intelligence can and should be developed. D. Goleman and other researchers of this phenomenon believe that this is accessible to anyone.

One of interesting moments associated with the prerequisites of emotional intelligence is androgyny - the presence in a person of psychological traits characteristic of opposite sex. People with well-developed androgyny, as opposed to people with masculine and feminine characteristics, have greater emotional flexibility: depending on the situation, they can be either pliable and caring, or free and strong. According to researchers, androgyny provides a combination of the best typical masculine and feminine qualities in a representative of either gender.

One of the ways to develop emotional intelligence is acting training, which allows you to:

Detect and remove muscle clamps, fettering the freedom of the body;

Introduce a person to his own body, teach him how to control it;

Learn to focus on non-verbal means communication and master them as necessary tool acting expressiveness.

Complete the suggested exercises and analyze your well-being.

Acting training for the development of emotional intelligence.

1. The same word can be pronounced with different intonations; train your intonation abilities. Choose a word and say it: loudly - quietly; briefly – extended; stuttering - affirmative; surprised, enthusiastic, thoughtful, defiant, mournful, tender, ironic, angry, in the tone of a responsible employee, disappointed, triumphant.

2. Read any text, for example, the fairy tale “Kolobok” with maximum volume; with machine gun speed; in a whisper; at a snail's pace; as if you were terribly cold; as if you have a hot potato in your mouth; as if an alien had read it; robot; five year old girl; as if all of humanity is listening to you, and with this text you must explain to them how important it is for people to strive to do good to each other, but you have no other words; as if with this text you are declaring your love, and there is no other way to express your love.

Record this on a tape recorder. Listen, note what surprises you and repeat again.

3. Walk like a baby who has just started walking; very old man; lioness in a cage and at large; ballet dancer; gorilla; Hamlet, Prince of Denmark; he is a patient with severe radiculitis; amoeba; Prussian army soldier; Romeo is impatiently waiting for a date. You can come up with different options, the main thing is to get involved in the process and enjoy the improvisations.

4. Let's play with facial expressions - smile: like Lady Macbeth, like a baby - mother, mother - baby, dog - owner, cat in the sun; frown - like a child whose toy has been taken away; offended person; King Lear...Facial expressions are the movement of facial muscles, reflecting the internal emotional state of a person. Everyone needs to master facial expressions.

5. Sing as he sings...

All these exercises allow you to relax, be different, test yourself and find yourself. What I mean is that if your inner essence is a Dragonfly, then no matter how much you try to put on the image of a Tsocking Fly, you won’t get a hybrid, but you can borrow some qualities.

We have repeatedly talked in previous articles about the need to keep a diary while working on yourself. When working with the development of emotional intelligence, it is also necessary to record the changes that occur.

To develop emotional intelligence, an adult needs feedback from people around him: loved ones, management and colleagues. It often happens that our ideas about ourselves do not coincide with the assessments of the people around us. We consider ourselves smart, educated, strong-willed people who have achieved certain successes, but at the same time, our superiors underestimate our abilities, passing us over with promotions over and over again, and our colleagues look at us as if we were nothing. The “Johari Window” management model allows us to answer the question of why this is happening and whether the situation can be changed. But before we talk about that, do the following exercise.

Write down a number of personality characteristics on a piece of paper: cheerful, mature, attentive, courageous, proud, friendly, trusting, caring, dependent, thoughtful, shy, sensible, knowledgeable, idealistic, inventive, introverted, seeking, loving, dreamy, wise, reliable, assertive, intense, independent, nervous, cautious, witty, courageous, sympathetic, helping, understanding, adaptable, joyful, relaxed, rational, humble, weak, difficult, collected, sympathetic, calm, spontaneous, talented, quiet, confident, smart, tenacious, brave, sensitive, extroverted, energetic

Describe yourself with the adjectives from the list, and then invite your friends and colleagues to do the same.

1. In the upper left (Arena) we write those words that are in both our own list and the public one.
2. In the lower left (Facade) are words that are only in their own list.
3. In the top right (Blind Spot) are words that are only in the public list.
4. In the lower right (Unknown) are words that are not in any list.

How many definitions are included in Blind Spot? The more, the more you will need to work on developing your emotional intelligence.

Let's look at each of the zones:

- “Arena” is an open area in which there is information about a person, known both to himself and to others;

- “Facade” is a hidden area where there is information about a person, known to him, but for one reason or another hidden from others;

- “Blind spot” - information about a person is collected here, known to others, but unknown to him (the opinion of others);

- “Unknown” - this zone speaks for itself, this includes information that is unknown to either the person or his environment, and it appears only in extreme cases.

To increase your emotional contacts with people around you, you need to maximize the open zone by moving information from the hidden and “blind” zones. It moves into the open zone the moment we open up to people. For example, you have been studying Italian for many years, but none of your colleagues know about it. At some point, it turns out that the manager received an invitation to an exhibition in Italy and hastily flew there, taking with him the first translator he found, and if colleagues knew about your language proficiency, then, most likely, you would have flown with the manager.

As a rule, people believe that it is necessary to hide negative information about themselves, but a person with high emotional intelligence accepts himself with all his shortcomings and does not worry about the fact that they are known to others, because he understands: there are no people without shortcomings, and his the positives outweigh the negatives.

Information from the “blind” zone becomes open at the moment when we request and receive feedback from the people around us, or it arrives without a request, in the process of communication.

Answer yourself the following questions:

How do you determine other people's reactions to your behavior?

What is your reaction if another person behaves unexpectedly or strangely in response to your behavior?

How tolerant are you to criticism?

By answering your questions candidly, you can identify what you need to work on so you can use the feedback for self-reflection.

Feedback can and should be asked only from neutral people who are not emotionally involved in the relationship with you. Loving people They will try to soften and embellish the impressions, and those who wish can punish you - they will hit you hard, which can cause you serious psychological trauma. Don't forget: feedback provides information on how to the world perceives you rather than who you really are. Feedback is a gift of fate. Regardless of whether it is positive or not, it is something to be grateful for because it provides serious food for thought and self-improvement. published

“Emotions lead to delusions and this is their value, the value of science is in its unemotionality.”

"The Picture of Dorian Grey".

Have you ever noticed how emotions distort or transform reality? In psychology there is a special term “Emotional Intelligence” and it has a special designation - EQ. People started talking about him again at the beginning of the 2000s. Let's talk about what this concept is and how to develop emotional intelligence.

Managing emotional intelligence became of interest to me long before I heard this term. It was an intuitive understanding that the development of the situation, or the lack of results, is influenced not only by my thoughts, but also by my reaction to them, by my emotional state. Rather, it is emotions that shape thoughts, and not vice versa. Negative thoughts appear precisely because a person does not have complete information about current events, worries, feels fear, resentment, anger and from certain expectations. Agree, most conflicts arise because our loved ones do not behave the way we expect them to. Psychologists note that clarification of relationships, or who is right, occurs because a person does not receive strong, bright, positive feelings from reality and the struggle is designed to compensate for this deficiency.

Stressful situations become a goldmine for a certain circle of people. This includes fortune tellers, magicians, and psychics. Various sessions act like morphine; they remove negativity for a while, leaving positive experiences and a feeling of relaxation. As a result, the client comes again to receive not the prediction itself, but the confidence that everything will be okay. This is the best case scenario.

Some psychics and magicians deliberately increase the level of anxiety of clients in order to inspire more greater fear and, in this way, lure large sums money. They cling to what is important to a person: relationships with a loved one, health, and so on. Emotional intelligence exercises helped me move away from constant feelings of fear and anxiety, think clearly and look for constructive solutions to problems without turning to third parties for help. I will tell you about several effective techniques.

Concept of emotional intelligence

Psychologists Kahneman and Smith conducted research in the field of behavioral psychology, for which they were awarded Nobel Prize. They managed to prove that most people, when making decisions, are guided by emotions, not logic.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to see one’s strengths and weaknesses and accept them in other people, the ability to separate personal feelings and facts. There are low and high levels of emotional intelligence. A low level of emotional intelligence is characterized by the following emotions:

• envy;
• criticism;
• condemnation;
• tunnel vision of the situation (a person sees only one possible scenario and, most often, in negative terms);
• suppression of feelings;
• a high level of emotional intelligence is characterized by:
• flexibility of mind;
• variability of thinking (a person can find many options for the development of events and work through each of them in detail);

EQ - intelligence helps you find mutual language with different people social groups and ages. Managing emotional intelligence is useful in business, sales, and any team work that requires organizing and inspiring people.

Why is this necessary?

Not everyone understands why it is necessary to develop EQ - intelligence. There are several reasons for this:

1. Adequate assessment of one’s own capabilities, acceptance of strengths and weaknesses of your personality, efficient use internal resources.
2. Understanding the causes of certain emotions.
3. Understanding and careful attitude feelings of surrounding people, family.
4. Understanding the needs of other people and building a line of behavior based on them.
5. Acceptance and understanding of the conditions of objective reality.
6. Managing emotions quick search decisions in a given situation.

You will gain not only emotional stability, but also the respect of other people, both in the team and from management. A person who can understand others can grow into a good leader. You can, for example, write your own book on managing emotions, or become the head of a company, or maybe in the future you will conduct personal growth training yourself? Today this direction is very popular, the experience of people who, without special education, were able to understand themselves and rise to the occasion is especially valued. new level welfare.

Such masters include, for example, Joe Vitale, who became a multimillionaire after several years of living on the street, or Niko Bauman, who wrote a series of books about the power of mental focusing without any special education. The young author founded his own online school, conducts webinars and intensive courses in which he teaches people to control their attention and direct emotions in the right direction.

Stages

Experts distinguish 4 stages of development of emotional intelligence:

1. Communicate clearly and clearly with others, listen well, and communicate expectations. The ability to motivate people to take active action, teamwork, leading a small group of people, the ability not to get involved in open conflict.
2. Feeling comfortable among large group people, regardless of whether you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert, the ability to understand the emotions of other people, rare cases of misunderstanding with someone.
3. Knowledge and acceptance of all positive and negative aspects their personality, comfortable existence with them, understanding their emotions and their influence on current events.
4. Skillful management of emotions, limiting them destructive influence, ability to fulfill promises and responsibilities, maintaining long-term relationships, acting according to circumstances.

Development methods

Let's look at 7 main ways to develop emotional intelligence in adults.

1. Refuse to share feelings. From an early age, we are taught to divide things into categories: this is good, this is bad, there is black and white. But such a division is very subjective, because in general you do not know what prompted a person to commit a not very good act from the point of view of society. Maybe if you found yourself in such a situation, you would do worse. What I mean is that there are halftones in the world. Anger, for example, is considered a bad emotion, but it contains a hidden desire for everything to become better than it is, and this is already a positive side. For many people, during an attack of anger, a source opens up. inner strength. Refusal to divide emotions into “good” and “bad” helps to understand the reason for the occurrence of those that are commonly called negative.
2. Write down the emotions you experienced during the day. By keeping a journal, you can easily track what triggered the experience. In addition, over time, you will be able to track how your reaction to a similar situation has changed. Write down without limiting yourself and you will understand what makes you worry, how you react, for example, to fear, and what makes you move on.
3. Observe people and situations that make you feel a wave of strong emotions. Describe in your diary the physical sensations of the emotions you experienced.
4. If you find it difficult to track and write down your emotions, observe your preferences: what you prefer to watch, listen to, what you read about, what fills your consciousness day after day. What songs or films do you feel an inner connection with, why did you make this particular choice? Which characters do you have an inner sympathy for and why? Answering these questions will help you start tracking your emotions.
5. Sometimes our emotions and words are spoken by other people, in the lines of a song, in a performance, in a film. They experience the same emotions as you, which makes you feel a kind of euphoria. You can remember several catchy episodes.
6. The most proven way to understand another person is to put yourself in their place. Think about how you would feel in those circumstances or if another person said to you what you said.
7. Think through the worst-case scenario, what will you do in this case, how can you get out of the situation? This will help you calm down.

Own your emotions, don’t let them control you, you are the masters of your life. Even the most unpleasant situation can be changed simply by looking at it from a different point of view. By addressing what makes you uncomfortable, you can become strong personality, after all internal state does not depend on the money in your pocket, or on your position, or on the presence or absence of a partner nearby. You are the creator of everything that happens; you have the power to fly or fall.

Emotional intelligence is a phenomenon that, at first glance, contains a contradiction. Intelligence is usually understood as the thinking, cognitive sphere of a person, and emotions are something irrational that cannot be controlled by the mind.

But emotions and feelings can be controlled by the individual, fully realized, and controlled by willpower. The ability to understand and manage one’s own emotional experiences, as well as the experiences of other people, is defined as"emotional intellect".

Developing emotional intelligence is useful for both inner harmony personality, and for harmony in relationships with other people, in the family and at work. Developed emotional intelligence helps maintain physical and mental health.

Emotional intelligence needs to be developed because it:

• promotes awareness, understanding and self-acceptance, without self-flagellation and soul-searching,
• develops intuition, the ability to understand non-verbal signals in communication,
• balances emotional reactions in stressful situations,
• develops stress resistance,
• teaches you to better understand other people, their emotions and feelings,
• helps resolve communication difficulties, find compromises,
• promotes conflict resolution through cooperation,
• protects from manipulation, does not allow the individual to become a victim of a manipulator,
• promotes making thoughtful rather than impulsive decisions,
• prevents emotional burnout at work,
• increases sensitivity to signals own body, develops understanding of the psychosomatic aspect of the development of diseases,
• develops the ability to relax and rest, turning off the “internal dialogue”.

Ways to develop emotional intelligence

For some people, emotional intelligence is quite developed already in childhood due to the characteristics of their upbringing, while other people experience significant difficulties and need tips on how to develop the ability to understand others and themselves. Emotional intelligence develops in the process of personality development, during socialization and the accumulation of life experience.

To develop emotional intelligenceyou need to systematically work on yourselfin the following directions:

Widespread simple technique control over emotions called “count to ten”. A person, before expressing his opinion and emotions to another individual, mentally counts from one to ten. The essence of this technique is not in counting, but in the fact that you should think first, and then speak or do!

The wonderful proverb “Measure twice, cut once” perfectly characterizes developed emotional intelligence!