Fell in love with an actor, what to do, what to do. Stars who married their fans. He is my dream, but he is a married man

Hello, I have a problem that I just can’t get rid of, although I would really like to. I fell in love with a singer, I don’t know what to do now. I recently experienced my first unrequited love, I suffered and suffered, and now I’m so in love that he the person for whom I had feelings has faded into the background, although I feel that I still like him... I absolutely can’t control myself and don’t understand what’s happening, I think about him constantly, and when the thoughts come to me that nothing will ever happen will happen, I give up and don’t want to do anything... He has a girlfriend, but I, even if it’s stupid, am waiting for them to break up. When I see them together, tears fall of their own accord... When I went to a concert and saw seeing him live, I caught myself thinking that it would be better not to see him, because this made it even harder. I didn’t communicate with him and I don’t know what kind of person he really is, I can’t look into his soul. But what is available to people , it amazes me. He is perfect for me. I know that ideal people does not happen, but he has those qualities that I have never seen in any guy, which I am looking for and which I need, in addition to his character, he is incredibly handsome, I have never seen anyone more beautiful. He is talented, handsome and has a rich inner world. ..and this is just a devilish combination for me... This is what hooked me in it, and I don’t know how to get rid of it, this has never happened to me

Answers from psychologists

Hello Nastya! In the life of young girls - this often happens - we all fell in love with artists, singers, etc. This is a world of fantasy and imagination. Return to reality and consider the young people who are directly next to you and not an inaccessible fortress. Your singer has a girlfriend and most likely more than one, the stars idolize themselves and ordinary people They don’t even consider them to be people. Do you need to suffer? Of course not, so watch yours young man which you, as you say, still like. You don’t know this singer closely, how can you say about his qualities if you haven’t communicated with him. Return to real life and you will forget everything, and then you will laugh.

Hello, Nastya.

Falling in love with a singer is not a problem. This is part of our life. Many people go through this.

Experiencing unrequited love is also not a problem. This is part of our life. When we begin to realize, it happens in different ways. And we learn to cope with the fact that our love is not noticed and to simply rejoice in the fact that the opportunity has appeared in life - to love at least like this.

But when these “non-problems” begin to interfere with building relationships with others, feeling confident, enjoying life, developing - this is already a problem - when all this begins to slow down and gives rise to the idea that happiness will not shine for you.

“I haven’t talked to him and I don’t know what kind of person he really is, I can’t look into his soul. But what is available to people amazes me. He is ideal for me.” - these are your words. And I think one of the keys to the problem is in the first part.

You haven't communicated. This means that your entire impression is based only on the perception of the stage image and on the perception of how this person looks (behaves) next to someone.

It is clear that when crossing the threshold of an apartment, plunging into everyday life, each of us reveals a lot of everything that is not shown on stage. And every actor, singer, musician behaves differently in everyday life than on stage. And, although the main character traits remain, all this is perceived differently.

Nobody knows whether you will marry a musician or an economist or a representative of another profession. But it’s absolutely certain that you can fall in love with a person who really concentrates in himself those qualities that are very important to you. And the more important these qualities are to you, the more difficult your relationship will be - your dependence on this person-quality.

Or - from your self-esteem, which almost always falls next to such an ideal. Sometimes they fall in love precisely in order to feel their shortcomings and their weaknesses. But why? So what should I do?

I think the answer is obvious - the more confident, professional, and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to experience partings, meetings, and most importantly, the more likely you will be able to meet and love another confident, reliable, worthy kind person who can and will be your partner in family relationships.

Hello, Ekaterina!

You almost answered your question yourself... You don’t love your husband. And, it is clear that you are looking for love. You miss her.

And it is very good that you still have such a need - to love and be loved.

The word “need” goes very poorly with love. Here, “we must” supposedly love “ real person“, and now you fall in love with the actors, and this is somehow “wrong”. This is not the same logic... Love doesn't ask. Pulling means pulling.

I would advise not to go to church to ask God, “so that God will bring our paths together...” This is not stupid. But God created man in his own image and likeness. This means you are a creator. Creator of your life. And you can make the steps yourself.

Besides, you have already taken a successful step. You attended the concert of Valery Meladze, and realized that the feeling very soon passed. Maybe this, of course, is because you saw “competition”, that you are not the only one, but there are many of them... But, it seems to me, there is another side here. You just saw this singer in reality. (Although at the concert, from auditorium, but still a living person). And something inside told you that this is simply not your person. In reality, you are not attracted to him. Otherwise, you would have taken some other steps... You would have gone, for example, to another concert, or bought flowers and given them as a gift. But you don’t feel like doing all this.

Try to take the same, similar steps towards other actors with whom you fall in love. Maybe you will understand that you don’t immediately want to take these steps... And that means you don’t need this person. And, perhaps, differently. Who knows? Actors are, in general, people just like everyone else.

Love is realized. And you can meet like-minded people. They may turn out to be celebrities. But anything can be realized when you ACT. Just sitting and looking at TV or the computer - nothing will ever come true.

If among the celebrities there really is a person who is yours, you will definitely find a way to him. And if not, then it means no. You won't even want to do anything seriously.

And one last thing. Ask yourself a question. Why do you live with an unloved man? You already understand that you don’t love your husband... But something is holding you back with him. Some reasons or circumstances, not love. Thus, you push love away from yourself (since you yourself agree to a life without love). Or perhaps love is not as important to you as you think? But it is important to answer these questions honestly. To understand.

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Hello, Ekaterina! You almost answered your question yourself... You don’t love your husband. And, it’s clear that...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

We are surrounded by real people and, it would seem, the most natural thing is to give your heart to a person whose reciprocity you can, if not count on, then at least at least, hope. However, some of us are crazy about on-screen characters or the actors who played them, about whose love even to dream is, as a rule, a futile task.

Today the site is looking into why ladies fall in love with movie characters and names the main reasons for such a wasteful attitude towards their emotions.

Unsettled personal life

The absence of a real personal life is fertile ground for falling in love with an abstract movie character. The heart yearns for love, but there is no one nearby who would touch it and make it beat faster. And we subconsciously look for someone to pour out on unspent tenderness and give your feelings. Accordingly, the vacant place of a lover is easily filled by any virtual man whose appearance, gestures and facial expressions fit into our understanding of beauty.

The most interesting thing is that not only young girls who dream of unearthly love and are looking for their prince behave this way. Even an adult, successful woman with many unsuccessful novels under her belt is not immune from falling in love with a movie character or an actor who played a particular role. The whole point is that someone must fill the emptiness in the heart and distract from sad thoughts. And on-screen machos, supermen and other charismatic characters cope with this perfectly.

You can admire them at any convenient time - just put on a disc with your favorite movie or “pump up” photos from the Internet and enjoy the “society” of the one you like. Thus, the thirst for love is fulfilled, and the lady can calmly wait for that bright moment when a real man appears in her life whom she can love.

Reluctance to live in the real world

Why do we fall in love with movie characters?

“There are only artiodactyls around, who should you fall in love with?” - this is how some ladies reason and go to the cinema (turn on the TV, computer, DVD). They watch with rapture as on the screen " a real man"fights monsters (solves complex crimes, seduces women, conquers heights - underline what is necessary), and their hearts rejoice: “Here he is, the hero of my novel, he is ideal, he has no shortcomings or complexes, he is worthy of my love!”

It would seem that everything is logical. But the point is not that among real men there are no those who are worthy of a great and bright feeling. The thing is that loving a movie character is easy and pleasant - you don’t have to adapt to him, you don’t have to live up to him, you don’t have to watch what you say and do, there’s no need to work on relationships. You can just dream, and when you get tired of it, choose a new favorite and see him in a dream, and in reality watch a film (series) where he performs feats in the name of love or for the good of society.

In this particular case, the ladies are driven not so much by a thirst for love, but by mental laziness and reluctance to admit to themselves that behind their unsettled personal life and falling in love with movie characters is the inability to adequately relate themselves to the world around them. It is comfortable to be in an imaginary universe, presence in it requires nothing more than a mediocrely developed fantasy, and reality dictates its own rules - sometimes cruel and rude, hurting the “quivering” souls of infantile young ladies of different ages.

Fear of rejection

Why do we fall in love with movie characters?

Loving movie characters or actors is quite safe from the point of view of those who have more than once fallen hopelessly (unrequitedly) in love with real people from their surroundings, and those who were mercilessly abandoned by their lovers and husbands. And here, too, everything is explainable - the fatal cinematic handsome man will not refuse, will not offend, and even if he kisses another woman on the screen, this is not treason, these are the laws of the genre.

It belongs to everyone and belongs to no one, it is common, which means it belongs to no one. The movie hero will not give up, because you can always turn on the film again and again see how your “beloved” looks into your eyes (no, of course, he looks into the camera, but young ladies in love seem to think that the look is intended only for them). All this gives some feeling of stability, reliability and reliability, which in turn insures against disappointments and heartache.

Following fashion

Why do we fall in love with movie characters?

As soon as another charismatic character appears on the screen, a fatal handsome man or a person with a non-standard appearance, but with excellent acting skills, the media immediately begins to discuss his person or the hero he played. The more hype, the more active the army of fans is replenished. They create thematic groups on the Internet, they post photographs, interviews, drawings.

Ladies actively demonstrate their interest and their worship, and what attracts everyone's attention, by definition, cannot be bad and of poor quality. As a result, even those who were bypassed by the “presentation” of the new “star”, and those for whom it did not leave any impression, begin to think: “Why is everyone admired, but I’m not yet? Maybe there's something wrong with me? This is called “herd feeling” and also becomes a motive for falling in love.

Top actors and mega-popular characters are the objects of desire for a huge number of women. Moreover, the majority of fans don’t even think about the fact that they fall in love not with a specific, living person with their own character and with not always worthy habits, but with a well-advertised picture. Ladies simply follow fashion and quickly betray the object of their passion to please the new favorite of the crowd.

“In our society, celebrities have become like drugs,” says American psychologist James Houran. - They are nearby, around us. Now it’s easier than ever to obsess over them.”

Do you remember how ten years ago the walls of every second schoolgirl’s room were covered with Bill Kaulitz posters, and the boys drooled over the poster with Alice Milano during recess? Now these boys and girls have grown up, some have already started their own families, but the star idol has not gone away, he has simply transformed. Bill Kaulitz has turned into Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston, instead of Alice Milano there are now Scarlett Johansson and Emilia Clarke, and dreams come from the desire to be close and hug under starry sky have grown into desires that are not so innocent. Stop denying it, each of us has that one (or the same) screen image that makes the room hotter and makes you want to at least unbutton one extra button.

Why are we so drawn to celebrities we will never meet?

Celebrity culture is considered to be a recent development with the advent of the media content era. This is indeed the first time humanity has encountered such a manifestation of the cult of famous people, but the mechanism that gave birth to it is much older and has roots deep in the prehistoric period.

Is evolution to blame?

Our psyche has been adapting to environment with the goal of surviving at any cost. From other breeding animals, we adopted a culture of dominance (“the most important is the one who is stronger”), but it did not fully meet our needs. People quickly learned that sometimes not only those who skillfully move bags can be useful to society, but also those who are not distinguished by physical strength, but, for example, know what herbs to treat a cold. And they began to honor not only the strong, but also the smart. Honor and respect bring with them the desire to imitate. A respected person becomes not just the savior of the village, but also a role model - people follow him, strive to be like him. This allowed future generations to learn from the experience of their elders, rather than having to reinvent the wheel.

This is how our brain has worked for thousands of years. People used legends of great wars/wizards/sages so that younger generations would have role models. In the long run, this helped us survive and get to the society we have today.

But this played a cruel joke on us. Never before has humanity had such access to constantly updated amounts of information. We no longer listen to stories about mighty hero from time to time, when a nomadic storyteller appears in the village. Now the hero himself talks about himself in great detail, once again posting a photo of his breakfast on Instagram. We begin to watch him simply out of interest (we want to know how celebrities live), but our brain is still subject to the ancient mechanism and cannot just take and abandon what has helped humanity survive for centuries. The brain recognizes the authority of this person (that’s why we experience meetings with them so much). For him, famous means successful, which means revered, and one should strive to imitate him. The brain is ready to collect information, we begin to be drawn in, and now we already know everything we could get about the idol. His work resonates in our hearts, we like everything that our favorite celebrity does. We can even start attending his performances, asking for autographs, and the bravest ones enter into correspondence on Facebook (if the idol has not yet acquired his own manager). It brings us pleasure, even if our real life We are completely satisfied at first glance. As Houran notes, “there is a stalker inside all of us,” and no one knows exactly when our brains will succumb to the temptation to follow the life of someone who is not part of ours.

Is the psyche to blame?

This brings us to another reason for our celebrity worship. This time, it is not the ancient instincts that are to blame, but a simpler mechanism of the psyche, which, however, also did not have the most impact on our perception of the stars. in the best possible way. We will talk about imaginary intimacy. Celebrity home posts pop up in our news feed mixed with messages from people really close to us, and it feels like we know our idol, even though we’ve never met him. Sometimes we know even more about him than about those who are actually nearby. After all, loved ones are not shown on TV, programs are not made about loved ones, they are not interviewed, their movements cannot be tracked using photographs of random passers-by. In a word, it is impossible to collect information about them in the usual way; it needs to be found out through personal communication. This is more difficult than just typing a name into a search engine and reading a portion of new gossip. We create it perfect image in our head, we assign certain qualities to him, we find justification for them, if suddenly some actions of a celebrity go against our ideas about her. Even if we don’t leave comments or somehow contact a star on social networks, we still have the opportunity to follow his life, dream of meeting him and imagine ourselves as someone special in his life. Now a famous person is our support and support. It turns out that some stranger, without knowing anything about us, a photo on Instagram makes us happier than a living person nearby.

Why do people fall in love with a celebrity?

Despite the fact that all people are different, and our reactions do not obey exact formulas, it is still possible to identify the main reasons. This is what Stanislav Shuda, a psychologist, hypnologist, researcher of sects, manipulations, and cults, says about this.

« The first thing you should pay attention to is the person’s own understanding of the concept of “love.” What exactly does this mean for him? One word - different content. For example, parents yell at a child, but believe that they love him. But for some this [behavior] is unacceptable. In our case, a person, growing up with a strange understanding of love, perceives a feeling of inspiration and any bright emotions as love. It is worth mentioning here that “love” for celebrities will be shown by people with a certain set of character traits, strongly expressed" People with a pronounced hysterical character are most susceptible to the syndrome of celebrity worship - these people fall in love so that they have something to brag about to others, to feel like they are part of something larger and exclusive. For them, celebrity worship is another way to attract attention to their person. They will be characterized by suspiciousness. They perceive everything globally, exclusively, therefore, the role of the artist is perceived as something personal. And, of course, these people are overly emotional and very impressionable.

The second reason for feelings for a celebrity Shuda calls the projection mechanism.

« The artist becomes the subject of feelings and states repressed into the subconscious or desired. A strong and confident actor’s character makes you want to project everyone else onto him. positive features. As if the brave "hero" will always be kind and loving, like dad - who paid little attention. It gets personal, it's catchy».

Most often, people who, for some reason, have difficulty communicating with the outside world are susceptible to celebrity worship syndrome. Outwardly, sometimes quite prosperous, these people do not always receive from society the emotional support that they need. Relationships with a star are one-sided, you don’t need to establish them, you don’t need to work on them. Some people are so captivated by this love that they dream not only of meeting their idol, but also of having sex with him.

« In this case, sex is one of the most powerful ways to experience life. Let me explain. As a child, a person was forbidden to show emotions: “Don’t run! Behave yourself!". Growing up, he gets used to not showing part of his personality. She is, in a sense, atrophying. But we feel that there is something in us - and we want to feel it so as not to be an emotional invalid. You can create sensitivity in yourself by jumping with a parachute, drugs, any form of behavior - which has become obsessively convex.

Or by attributing to the actor traits that we want to admire, we make him the only one capable of awakening the metaphorical “sleeping princess” in us. Still, sex is always bright, emotional, pleasant - people are looking for it. And here a super valuable idea is added.

Also, “fictitious” love frees a person from responsibility. In a real relationship you need to work, but here you can love the way you came up with.

Here - " secondary benefit». Good example- Without mutual love idol, you can enjoy the feeling of doom and sadness. This, for some, is a value. (we all remember the grandmothers in the clinic, bragging about their illnesses so that people would feel sorry for them).

This point is also interesting. Any social formation tends to obey authorities and accept uniform forms of behavior for the group, as if identifying with something big and strong. Examples of this are football fans, fans of actors, sects and more. When one’s own personality is not developed, there are no ideals and self-realization - one wants to attach to something that is already recognized by everyone and receive the thought that one has allegedly found oneself».

What to do?

In a mild form, we are all susceptible to the desire to know more about famous person. Gossip from the world of stars helps to establish communication between ordinary people. Many fans unite in groups and, discussing their favorite celebrity and her work, not only receive a dose of gossip, but also acquire new acquaintances. Some people find friends this way and develop relationships with them outside their sphere of interests. Celebrities inspire us and by looking at them we become better people. Thanks to interest in a famous person, we can get up and fly to explore other countries and continents, discover new areas of activity, and change our lifestyle.

But often celebrity worship takes the form of obsession and, instead of development, leads to a withdrawal from reality.

Is it worth doing something if a loved one has fallen into such addiction?
« I think yes. But don't conflict directly. Otherwise it is an attack on ideals, on almost religious experiences. The person will fight. Worth showing alternatives - new types of hobbies, options for self-realization; to love a person and give him the warmth that he is trying to find there. Understand the reason. What state does a person experience when he “falls in love” with a celebrity? Or what he is avoiding in this way. By understanding this, we can satiate his emotional hunger. And in small steps point out that any celebrity is a common person, not ideal, may have a lot of negative traits».

What to do if you suddenly recognize yourself in this article?

« Noticing an obsession is already a big step. We can't do anything without awareness. You need to ask yourself the same questions: what state do I experience when falling into such an addiction? What else can such experiences give me? What am I avoiding - being in an exalted state, looking at a photo of an idol? Am I fulfilled? Do I have ideals that I strive for, for which I get out of bed in the morning?»

Every fan secretly dreams of marrying her idol, and every fan is ready to sell his soul to the devil for a night with his favorite star. But this happens, to put it mildly, quite rarely, almost never. And yet miracles happen, and the impossible becomes quite real. Today we will tell you about those to whom fate gave a gift and made their significant dream come true - they were lucky to become the other halves of their idols.

Elvis and Priscilla Presley

In March 1963 Priscilla(70) was only 14 years old when she met Elvis Presley(1935−1977). Later, she attended a party at the house of the king of rock and roll, the Graceland estate, where their romance began. Under pressure from the girl’s parents, Presley married 17-year-old Priscilla in 1967, and in 1968 they had a daughter, Lisa Marie. But whirlwind romance ended six years later, and the couple divorced in 1973.

And Kelly Preston

This is probably one of the most fabulous love stories that happened between a star and a mere mortal. An ordinary girl Kelly Preston(53) was the most devoted fan of the actor’s work John Travolta(61) ever since I saw him in the movie Grease. Kelly, who later became an actress, admitted that from the age of 16 she believed that she would meet him, as she knew that she and John were together. And so, in 1989, they met on the set of the film “The Experts” and fell in love. They have three children (eldest son Jett tragically died in 2009) and are still together. Travolta sometimes makes fun of his fan wife.

And Alice Kim

Alice Kim was a simple waitress in an ordinary Korean restaurant in Los Angeles. One day Nicolas Cage(51) went there and, seeing her, immediately fell in love. But the naive actor could not even imagine that the girl had been in love with him for a long time and knew all his films. They married in 2004 on a ranch in Northern California, and in 2005 the couple had a son, whom Cage named Kal-El.

Vladimir Levkin and Marina Ichetovkina

This story has already spread across the Internet. Popular singer, former member group "Na-na" Vladimir Levkin(48) married a provincial girl Marina Ichetovkina, who came to conquer Moscow. He met his future, third wife at... a fan meeting. Marina Ichetovkina was in love with her idol for 16 years, but by the time they met, she had already become a successful lady. At that time, she was planning to marry someone else, but decided to leave him for the sake of her dream. Today Vladimir and Marina are happy together, and they have a three-year-old daughter, Nika.

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise

Katie Holmes(36) much younger Tom Cruise(53). When she was still very young, she watched his films and was head over heels in love with the actor. But could Katie then imagine that, having grown up, she herself would become a successful actress and marry her idol? Holmes admitted more than once in interviews that she dreamed of marrying Tom long before she met him. Katie and Tom got married in 2006 and had their wonderful daughter Suri that same year. But six years later, this fairy tale ended - the couple divorced.

And Luciana Barroso

Actor Matt Damon(45) became another happy exception from the list of celebrities who communicate only with their own kind. Matt met his future wife Luciano Barroso(39) not on the carpet, but in a restaurant in Miami, where she worked as a waitress. They started dating in 2003 and got married in 2005. The couple had three daughters; in addition, Lucyana’s daughter from her first marriage lives with them.

Patrick Dempsey and Gillian Fink

Actor Patrick Dempsey(49) one day I decided to make an appointment for a haircut. There were no signs of trouble, but his fan was working in the salon that day Gillian Fink, who did not miss the chance to charm her idol. They eventually got married in 1999 and had three children: a daughter and twin sons.

Anne Hathaway and Adam Shulman

One can hardly imagine that the long-legged beauty Ann Hataway(32), who was surrounded by the attention of billionaires and handsome men, will fall in love with an inconspicuous, short and modest guy - a little-known actor and jeweler Adam Shulman. They met on the set in 2008 and announced their engagement in 2011, and got married in 2012, combining Christian and Jewish traditions.

And Danny Moder

While the richest and famous men the planets were ready to give their hearts famous actress Julia Roberts(47), she chose to give her to a simple guy− operator Danny Moderu, whom she met on the set of the film “The Mexican” in 2000. Four years later, the couple had twin girls and a son in 2007. The couple lead a modest lifestyle, and Julia is actively involved in charity work.

And Jackie Titone

Once upon a time, a little-known actress Jackie Titone(41) fell in love with a comedy star Adam Sandler(49) and for his sake she even converted to Judaism. Three years after they met, in 2003, they got married and are still happily married to this day, the couple has two daughters.

And Cash Warren

These hearts met film set film "Fantastic Four" in 2004, where Cash Warren(36) worked as an assistant producer. Probably the guy did not expect such a star girl as Jessica Alba(34), turns her gaze to him, but, according to the actress, a spark immediately ran between them. They soon began dating, got married in 2008, and had two children, and Jessica devoted herself entirely to caring for the family.

Fergie and Josh Duhamel

In October 2004, the actor and model Josh Duhamel(42) admitted in one of his interviews that he often sees the singer Stacy Ferguson(40), better known as Fergie, in the dream and has long been her biggest fan. Moreover, at that time the guy was dating Christy Pierce. He later met Fergie on the set of the series Las Vegas. There she asked him how good those dreams were. They started dating and got married in 2009.

Popular star evening show Conan O'Brien(52) fell in love with his future wife at first sight. In 2000, on one of the episodes of his show Lisa Powell she was sitting in the hall, where he noticed her. In 2002 they got married. The couple has a son and daughter.